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I remember reading the first chapter or two of this on lotrgfic a while ago, and somehow I didn't end up reading the rest until now.
The characterizations are wonderful; I especially liked how Mairon professes his favorite thing to be fixing Aulë's unfinished work. Melkor's interactions with the other Ainur and his attempts to make them useful to him are inspired. One almost must feel sorry for Ungwelian. I also like Melkor's preoccupation with creating a completely new thing out of nothing, rather than use that which Eru created.
I really enjoyed this and hope you will continue it at some point.
Your depiction of Aule's work is most evocative. Better though is the ever darkening thread weaving through this pristine world: for example, how Melkor's thoughts dawn upon him as something utterly new and the usage of the Void as an ominous and separate entity to the Halls are both well crafted.
This is a well thought out work. I don't know whether or not you have already mapped out this story or if it just comes to you whilst writing but it certainly has strong direction within it.
A nice touch that Melkor is yet unable yet to lie; this adds weight to his cunning and credence to the perceptions of Varda.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks CiH. I'm glad you liked my story. I usually plan the general theme of each chapter first, then I flesh it out as I go along.
It was really challenging for me to make Melkor as interesting as possible, being cunning, envious, impatient, arrogant and all that, yet avoid presenting him as already "evil." I usually had to avoid using the word "hate," since that emotion was first explicitly mentioned only after Melkor was publicly chastised by Iluvatar, after the Music abruptly ended.
I just hope to write something about Osse and Namo before wrapping this up.
A plausible and sympathetic account of the lonliness brought on by pride. Fitting also was your portrayal Melkor's powerlessness in the belly of the void...
Your style fits well with the original canon...
Well Done indeed,