TheSilmarillionWriters'Guild

Home  |  Most Recent  |  Authors  |  Titles  |  Search  |  Series  |  Podfics  |  Top Tens  |  Login  |    |  




You must login (register) to review.

Reviewer: Feta Signed [Report This]
Date: July 30, 2008 - 07:05 pm
Title: ~ 509 First Age ~ ‘Make the World Go Away’

God... when was the last time I have enjoyed a story as much as this one?  Maybe “enjoyed” isn’t quite the word... but at any rate, I loved it, and I’m sorry to see it end.  And that was quite an ending... wow.  I would imagine it would have been quite difficult to write, but you did a good job.  I’m not sure I’ve entirely recovered from it enough to give any kind of coherent feedback.  I can’t begin to tell you how this story has moved me, but I guess I’ll have to try.

Once more, the dialogue was fabulous; I can’t think of any awkward or out-of-place dialogue in the entire story, it’s all very well thought-out... genius, truly.

My favorite part... it’s difficult to choose, but this bit right at the end was nice:

>>Nelyo entered the Halls. He stopped and stood just inside the gate, his gaze running over those who waited, until it met hers. And he waited. She'd never seen him uncertain.
She ran to him, crying his name, and clung to him. His arms wrapped her tightly and they stood in that timeless place with his face buried in her hair.
<<

Just beautiful.  It’s worthwhile suffering through all the earlier tragedy and heartbreak to reach those lines.

And well, you put an Elvis quote at the beginning of your chapter, but I still managed to take you seriously, so you must have done something right.  Really, I can’t begin to thank you enough for writing this, and for sharing it.  But I’m incredibly glad that you did, and I hope for much excellent writing from you in the future.



Author's Response:

Thank you again for reading and all your kind words about this work and I'm especially glad you liked the ending and felt that it all came together the way it should.

 and LOL about the Elvis quote, my DH always teases like he can't tell the difference between Elvish and Elvis ;).  If it helps, you can remember that Eddie Arnold did that song first.  I don't usually use quotes in my stories, but when I was working on the first version of this, I put myself in a position of having to defend country music as being Silmarillionish and a friend bet I couldn't find appropriate lines for chapter headings, so of course then I had to do it. ;)

Reviewer: whitewave Signed [Report This]
Date: July 23, 2008 - 01:50 pm
Title: ~ 509 First Age ~ ‘Make the World Go Away’

The scene at Doriath after the battle was heartbreaking but the last scene made up for it somewhat.  Thanks for including Feanor in it.  I enjoyed your story very much.

Author's Response:

Yes, that chapter was heartbreaking and hard to write. ...

 Of course! I couldn't get away without a guest appearance by Feanor!

 Thank you again.

Reviewer: whitewave Signed [Report This]
Date: July 23, 2008 - 01:45 pm
Title: ~ 379 First Age ~ ‘Take it to the Limit’

Thanks for updating.  Loved the scene with Ambarussa--they were so sexily portrayed, especially when Amrod said
"You wound me..." I also smiled widely at the line:  "There are worse things in this land than Noldor."
The scene with Cano was priceless too (I'm afraid I have the tendency to lapse into fangirl mode when it
involves the Feanorians, so please bear with me), especially with the lines:  "Certainly she had misnamed them, for this was the pretty one."

"Nelyo has sons in his brothers."  (Yet another possible reason why he probably didn't marry!)


"...he sang a rollicking song of a succession of younger sons, each having more fathers than the
one before."

Having Rhavloth related to Oropher/Celeborn--just made the Doriath kinslaying doubly tragic.

I've got a question though, so Celeborn and Oropher will stand as the infant's father?



Author's Response:

I'm glad you like my portrayal of the other guys.  I enjoy writing the similarities and contrasts between them.  And don't apologize for fangurling :)  I do it all the time.

as for Celeborn and Oropher - Melian meant for them to be foster-fathers to help raise the daughter 'properly' rather than being raised Noldorin. Which, of course, she didn't know Maedhros had already insisted on that.  ... all that's more important in the larger cycle than it is in this story, but it's based on the concept that both parents are very involved in the raising of elf-children.  I have a timeline and notes I need to post, but they aren't cleaned up yet.  This is before the SoF 'scattered' and so Maedhros was still spending a lot of time at Himring

Reviewer: Feta Signed [Report This]
Date: July 17, 2008 - 11:28 am
Title: ~ 150 First Age ~ Ladies Love Outlaws

This is... just beautiful... it keeps going strong, and remains steadily amazing, the whole way through.  This is not quite the kind of thing that I normally like, but it’s drawn me in, I’m completely spellbound, and I can’t stop.  The mood is exactly right, and I’m stunned by how real it feels; yes, we are in Tolkien’s world, but it’s a very genuine world, I can really see all of this happening.  I can’t praise you enough, I really can’t.  I suppose I’ll just have to wait for the next chapter?



Author's Response: Thank you so much.  I do try very hard to maintain consistency within the world - both in Tolkien's overall world and my own more specific vision of it. I'm very pleased to hear that I can draw you in and keep you reading in a genre/sub-genre you don't normally read.  Thanks again for following along.

Reviewer: whitewave Signed [Report This]
Date: July 11, 2008 - 05:53 pm
Title: ~ 150 First Age ~ Ladies Love Outlaws

First off, the chapter title, yes I agree:  Ladies Love Outlaws! 

The scene when she hears Celegorm's voice and her premonition sounds ominous and I can hardly wait for the story to unfold.  Looking forward to more.



Author's Response:

:)  more is on the way, as 'life' allows.

 I had hoped that the tension in the premonition would add to the story.  Of course, *we* know what's going to happen, unfortunately, and now she does too.  She just doesn't know when or why.

Reviewer: whitewave Signed [Report This]
Date: July 11, 2008 - 05:49 pm
Title: ~ 65 First Age ~ ‘The Red-headed Stranger’

I'm a Feanorian fan girl and I especially love Maitimo, so before anything else, thanks for sharing this!

I'm hardly qualified to make any comments on writing style or anything so all I can say is how I enjoyed your story.   I've always wanted to read a romance-centric story about Maedhros and I couldn't stop reading even while I'm at work. I also have a few theories as
to why most of the Feanorions didn't marry and Maitimo's reason in your story is plausible. 
I found myself hanging on to every word and the way you described the scenes made it easy for me to
enjoy the many luscious details.  I'm a visually-oriented person so reading something like this is always
a treat for me but your words appeal to more than just the sight.

My favorite scene is the first meeting between Maedhros and his leading lady. The words you used to describe the scene were very sensual. The "spiced honey" line was so sexy. 

I also enjoyed the scene of Fingon and Maitimo and the one with the Feanorions.  I could easily imagine Celegorm "sneering" and I
am looking forward to seeing more of him and more interaction between the brothers. 

For this chapter, I think her last line:  "Your people deserted this land and now are back to beg for scraps of wilderness,"  summarizes well how, in my opinion, the Moriquendi felt towards the Eldar. 

 



Author's Response:

Thank you Whitewave.  I've tried hard to show the differencs in the culture through the attitudes and I'm glad that's coming through in the story for you.

I know we have information that some of the SoF were married, but very little.  It made sense to me that they'd have to put the Oath first and so any other promise, such as a marriage should be, would - honorably - have to be held off.  I've tried to find a balance for Maedhros and Rhavloth, both being such strong, impatient individuals, where they could be together.

 I especially appreciate your praise of my descriptions because that's something I've really struggled with.

 

Reviewer: Feta Signed [Report This]
Date: July 08, 2008 - 04:15 pm
Title: ~ 65 First Age ~ ‘The Red-headed Stranger’

I’ve made your day?  No, you’ve got it backwards: you’ve totally made mine.  I don’t go on CoE anymore (they accused me of plagiarizing a story I’d never even read, and I got angry and left in a fit of teen angst... but that’s irrelevant), but I stopped by the other day, typed “Maedhros” into the search engine, looked down the list and was like, “Hang on... I seem to remember there being an awesome OFC fic here... where did it go?”  So this is pretty much a miracle.

I liked this story when I was probably too young for it, and I like it just as much now, which is saying something because I’m not nearly as much into OFCs as I used to be, and hardly ever read het anymore (as sad as that is).

You have a wonderful handle of language.  There were some great descriptive phrases in here: “seeming to capture and hold the wavering dance of the coals rather than reflect the flickering tongues of his fire” to name one.  But you don’t just descend into poetic wording and forget about the story (which is a bad habit of mine) – you keep the plot moving, while still maintaining an impressive word-flow and great vocab.  And I know from experience that it can be near impossible to do all those things at once.  But you aren’t flowery or overly poetic, either – some of your imagery is actually amusing, and certainly well-placed.

I’m not trying to just praise you mindlessly, but I’m finding it hard to think of concrit.  Let me think...  When you switch point of view, you might want a bit more transition, or some kind of warning, as it gets a little confusing in places.  Also, the beginning of the conversation between Maedhros and Rhavloth seemed a little abrupt, like maybe there should have been another line or two first.  The discussion itself is very in-place and characteristic, I just think maybe it needs a bit of an opening, if that makes sense.  I don’t know how or what, though... it just feels like it gets very involved, very quickly.  But then again, maybe that’s appropriate.

That being said, I absolutely loved the dialogue there, and continuing on from there.  And then when Maedhros was talking with Fingon it was also quite good... you’re just a dialogue person, aren’t you?  There is such a great balance here, between plot and drama – you don’t get melodramatic, and you actually have a storyline, but there is still a whole lot of passion here.  Your Maedhros is believable.  Rhavloth is realistic, unique, and well-portrayed.

I have to say, I’ve been very much into slash recently, but if there ever was a female character suitable for Maedhros... it would be this one.  But it’s not just a light romance, either, it’s something much deeper.

My favorite part would be:

>>When he turned to her, the look in his eyes caught the breath in her throat.  He held her gaze and touched her cheek.  She thought he meant to kiss her.  But he whispered something in the language of his people, and then the pain disappeared from his eyes.  "It was glorious," he said.<<

I can’t really explain... there was just something that really hit me about it.  Very well done.

I hope you don’t mind my rambling on for so long; think of this as all the appreciation you didn’t get from me years ago, because if I reviewed the original at all, I doubt I said more than “luv it. write more!”  I have to tell you, I haven’t been this excited to see a story posted in very long time.  To sum it all up... well, wow.  I’m thrilled.  Just wow.



Author's Response:

Feta, you're just awesome.  I keep reading this lovely review thinking 'man! I'd like to read that wonderful story!' :) 

 I really do appreciate every word, and you are right to nail me on the pov issues.  The older version of this, if you remember, is a pov trainwreck and I've found it hard to smooth it out while still keeping the nuances I wanted from each head.

 I'm especially glad you find her a good match for him.  I know he's a popular slash character and I while I wanted to do something different, it took a long time to find the right balance for her, what I thought would both attract and challenge him in the right ways. I knew she needed to be more (deeper) than just 'sassy' and I wanted her to really be able to touch his heart and I'm glad that comes through for you.

 Thank you again for reading, and especially for having read and remembered from so long ago.  I'm hopeful I'll have the rest of it cleaned up and posted shortly.




You must login (register) to review.