Silmarillion Writers' Guild Perfect Matches

Fingon slammed the laptop shut and cursed.

"If you can't show any respect for an expensive piece of equipment, leave mine alone and use your own," Maedhros said.

"Don’t use that voice with me. You know the guy at the computer shop told me not to use it until he can take a look at it!"

"I've always told you that Macs are far more reliable than PCs." Maedhros sighed and sat down next to him, sliding an arm around his waist. "Fine. Show me what you are trying to do and maybe I can help you."

Exactly what Fingon had hoped he would say. Maedhros was the writer of the two of them. "I want to write a cross-over of Tolkien and another book or movie. It's due today and I don't have a single good idea. I was thinking of trying The Silmarillion and Ellen Kushner's Swordspoint. How about Beleg as Richard St Vier and Turin as Alec?"

"Hmm," Maedhros said. Fingon thought he was only trying not to look interested. "That wouldn't work. Beleg isn't very good with a sword, much better with a bow. And Richard is the shorter one, while Alec is notably tall and thin. Can't fight at all. Whereas in real life, Beleg is tall and Turin is short and stocky. Pretty decent with a sword."

"Yeah. But you can't deny that Alec was the boyfriend from hell, just like Turin."

"That's an insult to Alec. He was very intelligent in the book and Turin is as dumb as post and twice as passive aggressive to Beleg."

"True, but both Alec and Turin are always all emo and whiney."

"Nope. Nope. Nope. Richard would have never fallen for a jerk like Turin. Try again. Underneath all of that bitchiness, Alec has real gravitas." Maedhros crossed his arms across his chest and pouted. Fingon wanted to kiss him, but restrained himself.

"OK. I've got another one then. Harry Potter. It's priceless. How about Amras and Amrod as the Weasley twins. Playing practical jokes all the time and acting like fools. Both sets are redheads and, obviously, twins."

"And that is where the similarity ends. Didn't the Weasley twins run a successful novelty shop or something like that. Can you imagine either of my youngest brothers operating any place of business for more than a day and a half?"

"I guess you're right. There has to be something. Any person mentioned in the songs and tales of the Elder days will do."

"Did you think about the Third Age?" Maedhros's glasses slid down on his nose and he looked over them at Fingon. He had no idea how attractive he looked when he did that. Fingon really did want to kiss him. But he also wanted to write a story, so he let Maedhros finish his thought. "A lot of people are crazy for The Lord of the Rings who've never cracked open The Silmarillion. There are a lot of good possibilities there: Aragorn and Arwen as Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Faramir and Éowyn as Donald Duck and his girlfriend Daisy."

"Ha! Ha! Very funny. Not! You are not taking this seriously. Anyway, it is for the Silmarillion Writers Guild. Has to have something to do with the First Age or possibly Númenor, I guess."

"Bear with me, Káno! I'm on a Disney roll at the moment. There is always 'Galadriel and the Seven Dwarves.' That's rich!"

"I'd like to keep my testicles. If you don't mind."

"Fairy tales are definitely the way to go. Afraid of Galadriel? Try 'Little Red Riding Hood,' starring Aredhel! She meanders off into the deep, dangerous woods and . . . "

"And falls madly in love with a tall, dark, broodingly handsome stranger, with serious control issues. She doesn't get eaten by a wolf."

"Then how about Finrod?" Maedhros asked.

"Puleese! Finrod as Little Red Riding Hood? Give me a break. Do you know any good were-wolf stories?"

"That's wrong. Really wrong." Maedhros sounded semi-hysterical. "No. I will not let you go there. I've got another for you. Amadeus: Maglor as Mozart! Child prodigy. Hailed as one of the greatest if not the greatest composer ever."

"Not bad, but it's not funny. I don't have time to write a serious story. It has to be light."

"Amadeus had humorous parts," Maedhros said, with his voice indicating far more confidence than his body language revealed.

"True. But your brother is definitely not a funny guy. Anyway, far too much set up and back story required."

"Great just great! I throw them out and you shoot them down. The problem with you, Findekáno, is that you take this stuff far too seriously. If you want humor, how about crack!fic? It doesn't have to be realistic. You could just drop the two of us into Camelot. You like BBC's Merlin. You could be Merlin and I could be Arthur."

"How come you get to be Arthur?"

"Because you have the funny ears." Maedhros said, sure of himself that time in that irritatingly Fëanorian way of his.

Maedhros did have perfect ears. He thought he'd really rather kiss him and then wrangle him into bed. Or maybe order a pizza first. "No, I don't," Fingon protested reflexively.

"Yes, you do."

"Fine then. No story. Do you wanna order a pizza?" Fingon asked.

"I thought you'd never ask. I'm starving."

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