Finding Lost Family by chrissystriped

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Chapter Thirteen

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When Sharû met Ecthelion for the first time after his visit with Estel, he knew immediately that his absence had been for nothing in that regard. He had been successful in a lot of things – he had deepened his relationship with his little brother and his family, Estel’s son almost hadn’t let him leave, he could swim now and maybe he had found a sister, Aiwiel had travelled with him to Alqualonde – but when he saw Ecthelion walk up the pier now, he realised that his body’s interest in him was as great as before.

“Did you have a nice holiday?”, Ecthelion asked cheerfully.

“Yes, very.”

Sharû clenched his fist to keep himself from reaching out and push a wayward strand behind Ecthelion’s ear. He tried to get a grip on himself.

“May I invite you into my home?” His men had been busy in his absence. “It’s not what you are used to, of course”, he hurried to add when they walked up the little hill to the edge of the wood. “But for me it’s enough.”

His house stood in the same place as his tent had, the whole camp – village, he corrected himself, because it had started to look like that – could be overlooked and a little brook that flowed down to the bay provided fresh water. Ecthelion threw him a look that told him he was acting like a fool.

“I won’t say I don’t appreciate the comforts of my home, but do you think I’d look down on you because your life is more simple?” He shook his head and sniffed. “Hm, smells good.”

The freshly wrought wood indeed smelled pleasant, Sharû had to admit. He offered Ecthelion his camp chair and sat down on his folding cot.

“I don’t have furniture, yet, there’s not been time.”

They had learned a lot while building houses for the Angband-Elves and a few of his men felt drawn to carpentry. Sharû smiled when he thought that the people who would live in this new village were becoming more and more like a real village community with different trades and not just a camp of soldiers who only knew about war.

He was proud of his men. He only wished they’d had the time to save their women, too.

“What’s wrong?”

Ecthelion with his intuition for feelings had noticed immediately that something darkened his mood – if even for a moment. Sharû sighed.

“I’m wondering what became of our women. They were too far away to fetch them when everything went to pieces. One of my captains went to warn them but I don’t know what happened to them and I can’t help thinking that they’d have been better off here than wherever they are now.”

“I think, I never met a female orc”, Ecthelion said reluctantly.

“You were in the wrong part of Angband.” Sharû shrugged. “They provided us with food, farmed crop that did grow even that far north, tended sheep and goats. No slaves, the king wanted you for the war machinery and it would have been too easy to run from the valleys, I think.”

“Was it a decision between them and us?”, Ecthelion asked softly, he looked worried.

Sharû shook his head. “Not in the sense that we could have brought them here, had we left you. It simply was too far, we could have decided to go to them, try to run from the Valar’s army and seek our luck in Arda. If I’d known that we wouldn’t be killed on sight, I’d have told Mardag to bring them to the Valar’s camp, but... Do you want something to drink? Beer?” Sharû got up and vanished in the small larder.

“Gladly!”, Ecthelion called after him.

Sharû breathed deeply, he didn’t want Ecthelion to see how much it affected him that he hadn’t been able to rescue them, he was already noticing much too much. Ecthelion took the glass with a thank.

“I’m here to invite you to a party. Did I tell you that we are going to meet at my home once a month to make music and have fun?”

Sharû nodded. “You did. You want me to be there? Do your people know?”

“Of course, I told them. Will you come?”

Sharû drank slowly, buying time. He didn’t know if he was ready for that.

“Are you sure that is a good idea?”

Ecthelion shrugged. “Why shouldn’t it be? We all get along quite well, aren’t we?”

“We do, but don’t you think some of them won’t be able to enjoy it if I’m there? I don’t want to spoil anyone’s evening.”

Ecthelion looked warmly at him and Sharû felt his heart beat quicker.

“You won't. You are well liked among my people and with good reason. Please?"

Sharû hid his face in his cup, Ecthelion had to be unaware of what this look did to him.

"Fine", he said quickly. "Am I going to be introduced to your mother?”

He was almost more worried about that. Ecthelion thought the world of his mother, if she didn’t like him...

“I hope so! Don’t worry, she’s going to like you.”

“I’ll have to rely on your assessment.”

Sharû didn’t share Ecthelion’s optimism, he was almost regretting to have agreed but he wouldn’t back down now. Ecthelion put his glass on the floor beside him, leaned back and stretched his legs.

“It’s good to see you again, Sharû. I missed you.”

Sharû gulped. The part of him that was very aware that Ecthelion wasn’t part of his family, wondered how the elf could say something like that – make himself vulnerable – so easily, but the bigger part was just happy that he said it.

“Missed you, too”, he murmured quickly before he could think better of it.

 

~*~*~

 

Sharû sat silently on the bench in front of Tarsh’s house and watched the old orc from the corner of his eye. He had asked him to come but he hadn’t said why and now they were just sitting here. It was night, the moon stood deep in the east. Sharû waited patiently.

“I wanted to say goodbye to you”, Tarsh said suddenly.

“Where are you going?”, Sharû asked surprised.

“Mandos”, Tarsh answered with a strange smile and Sharû stared at him.

“What?”

“I’m done with acting as if I’m alright when my spine feels like a glowing hot wire is drawn through it. Do you know what elves do when they feel like hroa and fea don’t fit anymore?”

Sharû nodded jerkily. “But... why now?”, he croaked.

“Because life is good here and because I have hope again.”

“I don’t understand. Why do you want to die if you have hope?”

Tarsh squeezed his hand. “You rescued us, Colonel. When you and the General decided to free the elves, you rescued us too. This is a good life, but I remember – I remember a lot more now than I did in Angband – I remember a life in the light of the stars, the silvery waters of a lake, the sound of water everywhere. I did know nothing about Mandos, I was captured before Orome found our people, I only heard about it from the slaves and I was sure that I wouldn’t go there when I died – Morgoth would catch my soul and turn me into something even more horrible. Now I have hope that Namo will take me in. He is just – there’ll surely be punishment for me – but he isn’t cruel, there’s healing in Mandos, too. I remember the face that looked back at me from the mirroring water. I had green eyes. I was fair haired.” Tarsh looked at Sharû. “I don’t believe that Mandos is the end for me. And even if it is... I can’t endure this hroa anymore.”

Sharû nodded and fought down his tears. “If that is what you want...” He cleared his throat when his voice broke.

Tarsh laid his hand on his cheek. “It is not your fault, Sharû, you did everything right, but I need something different now. Enjoy your life. Please, go now.”

Sharû squeezed Tarsh’s hand. “I hope you find what you long for.”

Tarsh smiled at him and nodded.

As Sharû walked through the night back to his house, he knew that he wouldn’t see Tarsh alive again. It made him sad, he had hoped to not have to lose any of his men now that they lived in peace, but then he thought of Tarsh’s last smile and the hope in his eyes and it didn’t hurt as much anymore. It was Tarsh’s free will and he couldn’t be anything but glad that this road was open to him now, after so many years of suffering.