Earendil in Valinor by sailing24  

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1

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When he finally reunites with Elwing and finds out their sons were left in their burning city by her -- for the fucking cursed jewel -- he has no words. Left to die brutally at the vicious hands of the evil Feanoreans, just like her brothers had died except probably worse, he can only assume. She interprets his disbelief at her actions as grief and sadness and weeps all over him. He keeps his horror to himself.

That was totally unnecessary. A city's worth of people, and his own little babies, dead. For nothing. [Yes he has the silmaril on his ship, but what does that matter in his heart -- how can you measure a piece of stone against two little innocent angels, now gruesomely murdered, corpses left to rot. How can he measure saving middle earth against his two little sweethearts that like their pudding, dead.]

His little boys are gone. He'll never teach them to sail, see them grow up. He keeps trying not to think about it, afraid he'll break down so intensely that he won't be able to stop.

He has nothing left to lose now.

Eventually they learn from elves coming over to Valinor that their sons are actually alive -- taken alive and kept alive by the kinslayers; they are both shocked. Elwing shuts herself in a spare room in the tower that she was given as a type of house and he cannot bring himself to intrude. On her grief or on her anything. Or on her at all.

Thankfully the valar told him he could sail his ship for part of the year, which soothes his pain at not being able to sail back across the real sea ... to where he now knows his sons actually live. He is grateful for his strange sky sailing, especially because he hears things when he's out there alone. Things he tells no one.

It's probably just fevered dreams invading his waking mind, due to sailing alone all the time. He spends all his time alone, by choice. He doesn't want to see random elves, or his relatives, or his parents or his wife.

He likes the whispers he hears when he sails, though. He imagines his sons praying to him, and others too. Mostly only one other, saying strange things. His sons say what he imagines they would say; this other one, some other elf, asks for forgiveness from him, and mentions his sons often.

But he sounds like a Feanorean from his own account, so it is strange to hear. What odd things he imagines, he thinks, but it makes sense, kind of.

His sons are angry at him, of course. He understands. But they also ask him for strength, or wisdom, or endurance. He wishes he could give them anything at all, much less things like that.

He hears one son more than the other. At least he imagines anything at all. It is a great comfort to him. He can see the difference between his wife's hysterical grief, self-hatred, paranoia and his own state of calm. He knows as soon as he returns to his beloved ship that he will hear his hallucinations.

It's crazy, yes, but it sure is comforting.

The other voice drops out after a while; and the strange other Feanorean one as well. Then it's just one son.

He thinks it's Elrond, based on how he mentions Elros being dead and having chosen to be mortal, which makes him unaccountably sad and also envious. He only chose this endless life for his wife. She doesn't seem to care for him anymore, though.

He's at peace with it. He doesn't mind, after the chaos and horror of their lives. He's grateful that he's alive, and gets to sail, and can hear the strange whispers that he does. He spends little time with Elwing or in Aman, choosing instead to sail and listen as much as possible.

Eventually he hears, through normal elves talking in real life on the harbor, their gossip, that the high king Gil-Galad [from middle earth] has been reborn in Valinor.

And then later on to his surprise he gets a letter from him [nobody sends him letters, and he barely even talks to his parents] -- he's requested to meet with Earendil. Thankfully he asks just him and not Elwing too, as she is still not well.

He comes to his ship at the harbor and is waiting while Earendil docks one day. They bow to each other, and he's surprised to see how polite Gil-Galad is to him.

Eventually he realizes why, it's because he's practically Elrond's spouse.

He spends the whole time telling Earendil of Elrond and his brother's lives, then finally he leaves.

Earendil sits down on the deck in shock. What he heard was real, he knows now. All of it. The other voice must have been that son of Feanor who stole the children. But loved them, too. And he stopped hearing Elros because he really did die. Dead forever, a son he barely knew at all. That he didn't know.

Also, distantly, he's shocked at the reality that the high king clearly is still in love with his son. He openly admitted they were together to him, but explained Elrond preferred it stay quiet.

And then he causally mentioned that he was building a new city for Elrond that would be the exact same as the one he founded in middle earth [apparently the locale mattered due to it needing waterfalls?]. All so that Elrond would be pleased when he crossed the sea.

It fills Earendil with shame to think this elf has thought of Elrond more and done more for him than he's ever done. So the same for that son of Feanor.

In secret he goes to see Feanor's wife one night. She's confused when she opens the door [she sent all her servants away long ago in the distant past] but lets him in. "I have news of your son's kindness," he tells her, and she stops looking dour and goggles at him.

Truly, it is a sentence none in Aman would think was rational, not even her. All know of her family's evil and violence.

"Who are you?" she asks him.

He explains who he is, and then continues. "One of them adopted my sons instead of slaying them when they took the havens," Earendil tells her. "He loved my sons, and treated them ... much better than I," he finishes, ashamed. "Much better. I would not be surprised if my son comes over the sea and says you are his grandmother, not Nimloth or Idril -- that you are his only relation here in Aman. And that he has no other family here."

He looks up, unable to hide his sorrow, and shame. She still looks full in disbelief. He feels the same way, but not, too, because he's heard those whispers for all this time. Now he realizes he heard the truth.

"Your son loved my sons well, and I think my sole son that lives still is looking for him. The singing one. He wants to heal him, as he is ill and lost, it is thought."

Nerdanel blinks.

He finally falls silent. They sit there like that for a little while. Eventually she says, "Really?"

"Yes," he says.

Later he leaves and goes back to his boat. She's still in shock, but he has to get back under the cover of nightfall.

He is eager to keep sailing, so he does. His star is only supposed to be in the sky at certain times, so he keeps the silmaril in a chest on his ship when it's not officially needed. This way he can sail and see if he hears more at any time, any season.

He keeps listening. Eventually, Elrond finds this son of Feanor in the wilderness, but he is very sick, almost dead. He immediately decides he must tell Nerdanel right away, but then realizes he should figure out if Elrond can keep him from dying first.

After a while Elrond says to his friend [the famous Glorfindel, from his own Gondolin, not that he knows him well, only having seen him as a very young boy; he's been sent back by the valar which seems rude vis a vis Earendil not getting to see Elrond] that Maglor is 'stabilized' and that sort of thing. All healer terms he doesn't know so much about, but even he gets the gist of a few. If Elrond starts praying to him and then pauses, Earendil hears everything. It's like the 'prayer' part is still active, somehow.

He sails back to Aman in the sky and goes to tell Nerdanel the news. "Elrond found him, and he is working on fixing his injuries."

"He's healing him?" she says, in shock all over again.

"Yes, Elrond loves him very much," Earendil tells her. Well ... at this point it's more like Maglor's son loves Maglor. Let's be honest, he thinks. "He is his real father, let's be honest," he tells Nerdanel.

She just looks at him, still in shock.

He's had a long time to get over his jealousy, envy and all that. Hearing Elrond's thoughts or prayers or words to him -- something like that -- has helped in that regard.

He sneaks back to his wife's tower and finds her shut in her room like usual. So he goes back to his ship after buying some simple hard tack style provisions in a town near the harbor.

Of course, one day he hears Elrond's words saying that he knows he's listening. Earendil pauses in shock.

"If you hear me, and can, throw down the stone in a chest so its light is not seen -- I shall say I 'claim' it for it's owners, and the whole thing will be over, I think," Elrond says. Earendil cannot see him, but he can hear him. "I will throw it back up to you afterwards."

This is a season when he's got the jewel in the chest, so he throws it down without even thinking. It's only after he does it that he panics at how crazy that was.

But he hears Elrond say, "Perfect," excitedly. And then, "I claim this for them, the sons of Feanor, for I am an adopted son of Makalaure. Now all three jewels have been claimed for the sons of Feanor. It is over."

Then a few seconds later suddenly Earendil sees his little chest dropping back on the deck beside him. How Elrond threw it back he doesn't know. ... He should have thought of that earlier, oh boy.

"Thank you ... lord Earendil," Elrond says, more shy than usual.

He does not say 'father' now like he used to, knowing someone can hear him. He halts when he speaks often, clearly editing what he's saying.

For the first time Earendil realizes he should drop letters down to him. So he does, except that first he has to figure out what to write. Elrond's verbal words that he hears become more hesitant and shy now that he knows someone is listening. Before he told him everything with no restraint at all.

Finally Earendil decides to say:
My dear Elrond, I do not know what to write. Except to write that I am sorry. I hope we can meet in the west someday. I can hear you sometimes, I like to hear you talk. I am happy you were loved by that enemy elf that rescued you.
Sincerely,
Earendil

He decides how to sign it after agonizing over it for a while. What would he say -- 'love, your father'? Elrond would laugh out loud at the cheek of it.

He tosses it down tied to a little spoon, so the paper won't float in the air, and after Elrond goes and finds it, he supposes, he hears him again. He can't believe that even worked.

"I don't know what to say either," Elrond admits to him. "I found your letter. But I will go west, so we will meet. I have had a good life, considering everything, really. Except for Elros and the high king dying, and having to leave the ones that took me."

More like saved him. At least you have one back, Earendil thinks, and is happy for both of them. He's going to need to buy more silverware to weigh down his letters, he thinks.

When they meet in Valinor, after the requisite 'first introductory letters', Elwing comes with him. It's awkward, of course. Elrond is very polite to both of them. [Neither mention their secret communications or what they did with the stone.] Elrond looks more like Luthien than like either/or also like any of his relatives, really. He honestly looks more like Maglor than like Earendil himself, he notes mournfully to himself.

Elrond looks searchingly at Earendil, and is pleased with him, it seems. One time he smiles at him; it's exciting.

Elrond seems to grasp at a glance that Elwing is unwell. Earendil suggests he show him his ship, and he agrees. There they can talk privately. They walk the deck and Elrond tells him he thinks she needs to go to Lorien for healing. "I am a healer," he explains. "This is my professional opinion."

Earendil nods. "I have mentioned it before, and she was not happy. Can I ask you, how is ... your friend?"

He looks at him. "The one who was good to me?" Elrond confirms.

He nods.

Elrond nods back. "He is doing alright. He is very weak, sickly. He suffers very much still; and being here makes it much worse for him."

"Could I meet him?" he asks. Elrond looks shocked. "I feel I owe him my thanks," Earendil explains. "And also I'd like to have a friend. If he would like to, too."

He looks even more shocked. But it's true. Earendil loves sailing, it's his passion. He has never had time for people or socializing. He can make an exception for this paragon that emerged out of a morass of pure evil to save his children from a war despite being on the other side of it.

And not just save them, love them. Cherish them, teach them.

And Elrond has told him how Maglor has to still be hidden away, to keep him safe from the victims and haters of the kinslayers. Despite his repentance, later good deeds and suffering beyond the bounds of life, he doesn't know if elves would line up to hurt him. Elrond has said he can't take the chance.

"You'd have to ask him," Elrond says. "So you really heard me, all those times?"

"Yes, but at first I didn't understand," he explains eagerly. "And sometimes I was not sailing. It took a long time for me to know what I was hearing."

Of course also he'd never heard his children speak as adults, so he didn't know their voices, or recognize them. Seeing Elrond now is fascinating, because he's never seen him grown up.

"I'm sorry we didn't go to the shore when you arrived," he continues, "but I didn't want to get in the way. Especially since your king was coming to see you too."

And he had Maglor with him, as well, he thinks, but does not say. "And I didn't want to meet you ... in front of everyone, and make it be something they could all watch. I wanted it to be private, for both of us."

Elrond looks at him for a moment. "I find that very wise," he says, and Earendil feels like he can relax.

It's pretty nerve-wracking to be next to Elrond in real life. Before, he just heard him speak, or sent him letters. It was distant by nature, in a sense. And after Elrond realized he could hear him, he was very formal and dispassionate in his prayers to him.

But now he's right here. Here. Beside him.

"Gil-Galad came to see me," he tells his son.

Elrond blinks and turns to him. "Really, why? Politics? Or about sailing?"

"No," Earendil explains, "I think he was just introducing himself because he knows you. He told me about you, things like that."

"Hmm," his son murmurs, and Earendil wonders if he's just gotten the high king in hot water. Well, fine if so. Elrond deserved to know. Of anyone, Earendil has to be loyal to Elrond first, others second. He deserves that much. Look at his life.

Sometimes Earendil has stayed on his boat so much just due to feeling shame.

"He likes sailing," Elrond tells him. Elrond doesn't mention if he himself likes it ... which is enough of a statement on that front, he thinks. Does he like music like his 'real' father? Earendil feels like he can't ask. He wishes they could share something.

Earendil gets to meet Maglor in new Rivendell, which is nice because it turns out he's not some cruel child-stealing monster that flaunts his status over him. He's actually kind. He doesn't say anything about Elrond, or Earendil's life, or the stone.

He looks very sick, almost dead-like. It's hard not to feel sorry for him, just looking at him. Elrond tells him in advance he's put a glamor on him to make him look better.

He can tell Maglor is gentle, kind, because his aura just seems like that.

Maglor answers his questions and is polite. Elrond stays in the room, and he almost wants to ask why. To protect Maglor from him?

Shockingly Maglor asks if he wants him to apologize, and he says no, of course. How terrible to even hear. Do they think he is that stupid and/or insane?

Everyone knows it's Maglor that's redeemed now, in several ways, the Valar had announced it. He suffered worse than death and lived during it, with no release; he resisted the ring; he helped Elrond; and most importantly, he helped heal the ringbearer. Also, he was truly sorry for his crimes, and his insanity, illness and starvation had tormented him far beyond the actual enormity of the crimes themselves.

He admits to Maglor that he'd like to be friends, and Maglor looks like he can't understand his sentence, like he's speaking the language of some distant land.

And Elrond again looks concerned and shocked and confused, making Earendil feel like maybe it was a mistake to be honest.

Maglor will only speak to say the fake party line that all the anti-Feanor people had before -- to pretend Earendil is a perfect, one dimensional hero. To pretend his failures aren't real.

'Feanoreans bad; everyone else good.'

The two people sitting in front of him, and their bond and lives, are a literal real life example of one of his biggest failures, and how the 'party line' is a joke.

Elrond tries to be nice to him, but none of it's real. It's frustrating, to be the only person saying the truth in this conversation.

But he says they can all be friends. That's nice, at least.

He gets agreement in the future that he can write to Maglor [vis a vis Elrond obviously], and he does. Maglor obligingly writes to him all the time. It's so nice to get letters. It's exciting.

Maglor's life is very interesting -- as is Elrond's. They both describe their lives, what's going on, who's doing what, what the latest issue or annoyance or fun thing is, and he imagines what it's all like.

It's fun to read Elrond's long discussions of herbs and potions and healer techniques and patients and things, though he understands nothing of it. And it's also fun to read Maglor's long letters that answer his random questions and also then talk about songs -- Earendil makes sure to always ask lots of music questions.

One time he sent him a letter that was the longest letter Earendil had ever seen. And it was all about music.

This is probably priceless to the music appreciators, Earendil thinks. To him, it's hard to understand. He barely can grasp any of it. Clearly Maglor is a genius in this realm. When then he plays him a song in the future, that makes it obvious that he is. [Though this huge packet is a clue.]

Elrond tells him strange mundane things in his letters. He lists things he saw, or thought were funny, or got annoyed by. He mentions a flower he thought was pretty, or a book he looked at. He complains always of whatever work he must do -- never healing though, he acts like that's not work. He never whines about that.

He does whinge about having to meet dignitaries, kings, famous people, things like that. He does not like going to parties, or courts, or anything formal.

So it all goes well right up until he finds out that Elwing has taken the silmaril from his chest in her tower -- since he was not on his ship for the moment and he stores it there sometimes -- or absconded with it, whatever, from a messenger from the high king [Gil-Galad, not the other ones here in Aman; this is from Elrond's king].

He rushes to new Rivendell, as he's learned it's called, only to find his wife crying on the floor in a room [holding a little purse] with Gil-Galad, who is sitting a chair looking very beleagured. He doesn't even know what to say, he's so surprised.

Gil-Galad gestures for him to take a seat. "She won't get up," he explains over her weeping. "Apparently she came here and snuck in past the guards as a bird, I assume, to get to -- him."

His blood runs cold. That can only mean Maglor; otherwise he'd say the name of the elf in question.

"She showed him the ... stone, and he ran away from her and threw himself off the balcony into the river from high up. This is from her own account of what happened," Gil-Galad continues, grimly. Even now most elves try to avoid saying certain words out loud. Maglor, more than anyone, appreciates it, Elrond has told him. "Crews are searching it now. ... Everyone is. Soon we will be forced to dredge it."

To find the body, he thinks numbly. Oh no. No no no no.

And wait, everyone? He gave him a significant look then; he must mean Elrond is doing that too.

Maglor had been redeemed and everything; even the Valar had announced it to all in Aman. The only son of Feanor who turned and came back to the light after his evil deeds. The only one to want redemption, to become good once more.

Why has she done this? What gain was she trying for?

Elrond will be so upset, he thinks. Who hasn't abandoned him or died on him at this point. ... Not many.

And he'll never speak to Elwing again, that's for certain. He didn't seem keen on her to begin with; this craziness [and hopefully not murder] will not endear her to him.

"I would like you to take her from this place; obviously she cannot come here again," the high king tells him quietly. "Our people know some violence has happened and I am loath to keep this a secret, yet it seems I have no choice in any direction. It will calm the populace if I declare our borders closed for a time."

He nods. He picks up Elwing, who obligingly turns into a bird to make it easier for him, and carries her out of his son's city. For truly it is his, and not the high king's, he knows. All know that, it's common knowledge. If even Earendil knows something about elvish society in Aman, that means it's known by all, since he pays no attention to it usually.

He takes Elwing back to her tower with her in his pocket by her choice, and him on his horse, and once they're there he doesn't know what to say. Finally he says, "You took the jewel from my chest?"

She nods.

"Please put it back," Earendil requests. She shakily gets up and does. Step one done, he thinks.

"What are you going to say to Elrond," he asks her.

She stares at him like this is the first time the thought has occurred to her, and he realizes all at once that she is truly ill to the point of needing immediate intervention. He's had the luxury of going off and doing his passion, and listening to his family and others, but she's just gotten worse and worse. They'd been married too young, he sees that now. Both of them had been too young.

"I think you should go see a healer in Lorien," he says. And stay there, he thinks. He has heard from many how famous his son is for wisdom and healing; and many who came over the sea told him personally that his son had saved them. "I am going to sleep."

As peredhel, they need to sleep. He wonders if Elrond does too; he cannot remember. Regardless, what a baby needs is not what an adult needs anyway. He goes to his ship and sleeps onboard. He spends some time there, just doing nothing.

But then hours later when he wakes up, things are different.

Elrond appears as if by magic up in his room on the ship -- he is there when he wakes up. "We found him, alive," Elrond says when Earendil wakes, sitting near his bed, and he closes his eyes in relief.

Thank goodness. He can't imagine what would happen if he'd died. Elrond would have probably been unreasonable and hysterical. Which he understands.

"I can't stay long," Elrond adds. He looks low indeed and very, very dirty, like he's rolled in water and mud; he was out looking for Maglor's body, he thinks. How terrible, to look for the dead body of his foster father because of his actual mother. And in Valinor, after the great wars have ended, where there should be peace now.

Earendil nods.

"I think you should take your wife to Lorien; I have spoken to her mother who agrees with me. We cannot have someone provoking kinslaying in Aman, and starting that again," Elrond tells him.

He almost gasps at his last words. "Yes," Elrond says in response. "If you hadn't ... listened ... before, that's what could have occurred. Regardless, there can be no endless cycle of killings here. I don't care who did what to who. It has to stop."

By 'listened' he means how he and Elrond broke the silmaril frenzy oath thing back when he was across the sea. He nods again. "I need to go back and help him recover," Elrond adds. "If I think of you here, and speak, will you hear me?"

"Yes, it should be like before," Earendil says.

Like this, a voice whispers to him. Except it's in his mind, somehow. None typical elf-mind oswane, something else.

Oh that's Elrond, he realizes. He knows that voice.

"I can, I heard that, just now," he says, cheered, and his son nods, and rises to leave.

Then this is not goodbye, Elrond says in his mind, glancing at him. He smiles. "It's not," he agrees.

Elrond nods, and leaves, still talking to him as he goes back in his mind. Unfortunately Earendil can't do the same thing back to him from far away, so he writes letters and goes to see him in person instead. It's only much later that he realizes he could do it, he'd just have to 'pray' to him.

Finally he gets to meet Maglor again, which is kind of him to acquiesce to after how Elwing tried to stir things up all these thousands of years [and his pardon and everything] later. Yet he understands her pain, too. He still feels it. Elrond tells him he isn't putting a glamor on him this time, he'll see his real self.

He almost gasps when he sees him, he looks horrendous. And this is after Elrond healed him?!

Maglor is so thin it looks creepy to see, and he has almost no glow. He should glow even more than regular elves of the first age who saw the trees, due to being a son of Feanor, but instead he doesn't have almost any light in him at all. Even Earendil who's younger and half-human glows more.

He tries to talk to him casually but Maglor is very wary of him. He watches him constantly. He is very polite to Earendil but still seems to think he's going to stab him at any moment. That's not what's going on here, but he can't seem to get Maglor to realize it. He thanks him for what he did, but that only makes him look uncomfortable.

So he changes tack and asks him if he could hear him sing. Maglor looks shocked but agrees. He gets a harp from a table nearby and asks him what he wants to hear. "Anything. A nice song, happy," Earendil says.

While he is here for his son of course, he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to hear the greatest singer and harpist to ever live. Earendil has no passion for music but even he isn't stupid enough to pass up this lucky chance. Maglor lives hidden here, so he's not performing for anyone in Aman; it's almost impossible to hear him play.

Maglor starts, and it's like being drunk in a good way, to hear the music. It's so so so good, it pours through his soul, it feels like. And then later Earendil suddenly wakes up. Huh?

He looks up, but Elrond is there instead; Maglor isn't anymore. "Wha?" he asks him.

"He told me you asked for a song, but you fell asleep during it; it is common," Elrond explains, looking up from his book.

"It was ... so good, magical," he tells his son, struggling to find the words, who nods in understanding.

"Yes, that's part of his talent, the power of it," Elrond explains.

"What did Elros think about me?" he asks him out of the blue. Elrond blinks.

"Well, our lives were difficult," Elrond says delicately, prevaricating.

"Did he hate me in the end?" Earendil asks and Elrond hesitates. So he did, then.

"We did not know you," Elrond says, defending his brother. "You and your wife were myths to all elves. My, well, 'friend' told us at first of course you two would come for us, or your people, your allies, would. That you were heroes. But no one ever came. Eventually we got older, and realized that even they had been surprised no one came. Elros was ... sensitive about it all. He didn't like not being their real son -- and then in court with the high king he didn't like how people fussed over us like we'd been slaves. I bonded early on with my 'friend', but Elros did not get so close to either of them in the same way."

"There was another?" he asks quietly. He didn't commit his early hearings to memory, thinking they were mere workings of his imagination.

"Yes, he's recovering from being tortured by Morgoth in the halls still," Elrond explains. "He was extremely ill before he killed himself. Not even I could heal him -- then or with my current power, either."

Earendil blinks. How horrific.

"I'm sorry," he says. Everyone Elrond has known has abandoned him or died gruesomely or had something terrible happen.

Elrond shrugs. "He is at peace now. It is a relief to know he no longer suffers. Even despite his great pain, he tried to be kind to us. "

"Are you pleased with your waterfall city?" Earendil asks him to change the subject. Also because he wants to know.

He pauses and smiles at the way he names it. "Yes. The high king built it for us, those who had not yet come over the sea from where I live. It's a copy of our settlement."

Earendil already knows that. He also knows that no one says that -- everyone says Gil-Galad built it for Elrond personally because they are secretly spouses. The funny part is that when he's overheard this type of talk, many say they too would jump at the chance to be with Elrond, as he is very close to the beauty of Luthien.

And then there's the whole 'most famous healer of all time' and the 'extremely wise' part, which only heightens people's interest, it seems.

In a way he can see what they mean, having now seen Elrond as an adult, he looks very elegant in a way that Earendil does not. Elrond doesn't act like he wants attention. He wears loose, long clothes all the time and puts his hair back often, tying it up. He is very sober, almost grim, mostly, and doesn't ever smile. Of course maybe this is just when he's with him, Earendil thinks sadly.

Maybe he's more joyful with his people and his Gil-Galad. Elrond shows him his own memories of Elros sometimes, using his great power at osanwe. Apparently he's been seeing Melian here in Valinor so he's even better than usual at it, he tells him. It makes him weep to see his little Elros. He's dead now, dust and rot; and under the sea besides. How horrible.

Along the way he happens to see the Feanoreans.

Maglor so obviously loves them that even he can tell from the few moments he catches of him in Elrond's memories. And yet he feels he cannot directly ask Elrond to show him more of his childhood, as it is a mockery to request it.

The father who abandoned him asking to spy on his 'kidnapper' father and himself as a little boy? The gall of it.

And it's more like 'real' father, not kidnapper father.

Elrond sends him letters sometimes, updating him on things he's working on in his waterfall land. He is very interested in plants, because some have healing properties. He sends the letters to the dock, so if Earendil is sailing he reads them all at once when he gets back. It's nice because he could just 'pray' to him, which he still does often, but also sends him letters too.

Actually, since most elves left when Elrond did, the Valar told him he did not need to keep sailing, but that he could if he wanted to.

Sometimes he does just because he has nothing else to do. ... At all.

He has no one. He does not want to go see his parents very much. And he doesn't really have a friend. Once in a while he goes to see Maglor or writes to him. He of course allows Elrond to go see him on his ship, which he now lives solely on.

He also takes Elrond out literally sailing, in the actual ocean, and when his son asks if he can bring Gil-Galad too he agrees. He goes out with them all the time after that, as it seems as if Gil-Galad has some great love of being on the water.

Elrond clearly doesn't love it as much. Sometimes he brings books and literally reads, laying on the deck while Gil-Galad actually eagerly does the work of sailing with Earendil.

Would Elros like it, he thinks, and turns away sometimes. Would Maglor or Elrond tell him if he asked?

Maglor sends Earendil letters too. Mostly they just answer his questions, and don't say anything else. Thankfully, Earendil has an imagination, and comes up with lots of queries. Also, he remembers some of what he heard when he was out sailing in the sky, so he asks about stuff he knows by way of that. He tells him in person that he did hear him when he prayed to him mentally.

Maglor too is horrified, just like Elrond was. Earendil knows it's not personal, but it hurts his feelings.

He tells him he can still talk to him that way now, if he wants. Maglor does not. He seems beyond appalled that he heard him, and explains that he wouldn't have spoken as he did if he'd known.

Yeah, I know, he thinks. No one wants to speak to me if they know I'm listening.

But Maglor goes on and explains he would have been more apologetic and respectful. He assures him he prefers it the other way, the honest way.

In his letters he asks Maglor about:
-how he's doing
-his music
-is he working on any new songs
-how is the weather in Elrond's city
-how is the food
-is Elrond doing okay

When he comes by he asks Maglor to play him songs, and he acquiesces. He actually also asks about songs he's still working on, and so Maglor will play him different parts of unfinished pieces.

He likes to hear it. It's like nothing else, to hear him play. He really is the best of all time, Earendil has no doubt. Finrod he's heard as well, and he's like a blade of grass compared to the sun that is Maglor.

At first Earendil'd been very afraid that Elrond would be cruel to him, or refuse to see him. Yes they interacted before, and he did keep 'praying' to him in middle earth, he knows. It's just hard not to be full of fear.

Seeing him face to face is difficult. It was quite scary to meet him and Maglor.

Back then he'd thought, who knows what this Maglor would or could say. He could've easily distained Elrond's true parents to their face and say he was his real father -- in every way that counts. He's been there for him, saved Elrond after he was abandoned during a war against Maglor himself, and then later Elrond wanted him back again, and fixed him.

He's seen Elrond as a tiny boy and as a teenager and as a young adult. And as a real adult. He taught him, fed him, loved him. And it's obvious that Elrond loved and still loves him back.

Earendil is not needed at all, really. No one needs or wants him. Elrond clearly considers Maglor highly indeed, to bring him to Aman and also get a pardon for him that's publicly announced.

Sometimes Maglor doesn't write, and he finds out from Elrond's letters that Maglor is not feeling well. He's ill a lot: his hand hurts, or he's too cold, or he doesn't want to eat, or he's upset. To be honest it's kind of hard to view him as this criminal mastermind who stole his children, even though he technically did; he's not very scary.

But Earendil understands that he was one among many, and could make no difference except in the way he did -- by sparing and adopting his little boys.

He likes when Elrond comes out with Gil-Galad to the water. It's fun to imagine for a moment that they're a real family, and Elrond is young, and this is his lover. Of course it's an idle fantasy. Gil-Galad makes for a good son-in-law though. He's very polite and clearly respects Earendil, which is nice of him.

Especially since Elrond has probably told him what a pathetic excuse of a parent he and his wife are.

He and Elwing don't have a real marriage, but then they never really did, did they. She finally tells him she wants to rest in Mandos, and he says goodbye. She wants peace and healing.

It's only later that he realizes they should have thought about Elrond and told him first. Would he have wanted to say goodbye? ... Another mistake, he thinks worriedly. He goes himself to Elrond's city to tell him, and gets a private audience with him. Even Maglor and Glorfindel go off so he can be alone with him.

"Your -- well, Lady Elwing has gone to rest in Mandos," he says in a rush. Elrond blinks, surprised. "She wanted to heal, she said. She left all at once."

He adds the last part in a desperate attempt to sound like they both just didn't forget about Elrond, which is what actually happened.

All Elrond says finally is, "I see."

Earendil drinks his tea as they sit in silence because he's nervous and can't keep his hands calm any other way. Eventually Elrond adds, "You can stay here in Rivendell if you want, if you are concerned about living alone."

"Oh," he says surprised. "Thank you."

What an opportunity. He would have never asked before, as it's a too big an imposition on Elrond.

So he stays there. He gets to see Glorfindel, and Maglor, and Elrond too, all the time. He even gets to see Gil-Galad acting all kingly. They are all solemn. The other elves treat them very respectfully.

He wonders if they ever act fun, lightheartedly or silly. Is it just his presence that's the blight? Or did middle earth make them all so serious?

There are concerts all the time of music he realizes is written by Maglor. He goes and listens to lots of them. Elves offer to give him better seats, and all that, but he demurs. What a joke, for him to claim anything due to being Elrond's father.

It's Maglor that's Elrond's true father.

He notices now with sustained time here that they don't really interact very much while he's there. Maglor doesn't speak almost at all, and Elrond doesn't really talk to him in particular.

But he knows that cannot be true. They must be playacting. A few times as he approaches their rooms he realizes he's right. As he comes in, Glorfindel will stop laughing or he will have already flung himself down on some furniture where he looks amused. That is good, for them all to have fun. He comes by less often, knowing this.

Mainly he walks around Rivendell by himself, just looking at it. He imagines being in the similar city in middle earth. This was his son's design, his desire, this place. It's very beautiful, and the nature is incredible. Rivendell is quite self-sustaining in many ways -- they have incredible cloth makers, shepherds, weavers, farmers, gardeners, healers. They have an enormous library that he sometimes wanders around in.

It's a nice place, this city. It's open and soft and cozy; not opulent and rigid like the old cities of the first elves in Aman. Elrond's people all dress differently [to each other, even, too] compared to each other, unlike the other elvish cities and settlements he seen throughout his life.

Elrond's servants are all young and don't seem to know how to do anything, so Elrond often helps them, as does Glorfindel. It's weird, you'd think after all these millennia all that would be habit by now, but what does he know.

Then he overhears one elf asking another how long they think he'll stay. And he realizes as the seconds pass they mean 'him'. Earendil himself. Because all the servants have had to change their roles due to his presence. It takes him a while of listening but he eventually grasps that it's because the supporters of Maglor are Elrond's actual servants from long ago.

And because Earendil's there they've all been replaced [just for the moment] by young elves who have no idea what they're doing, or what to do in the first place.

Why? he thinks. Do they resent his presence? Refuse to be near him, or do things for him? Or is it polite, to not have him near them? He knows this last vein of thinking is something Maglor has said to him before, that he could leave when Earendil comes by.

But he doesn't want that. He wants things to be normal.

And what's he going to say now, admit to eavesdropping? So he takes his leave of Elrond, and goes back to his ship.

Now they can all go back to normal, he thinks. What a mess. Though it was a bit funny to see them all try to help these elves try to do things they keep confusing, not knowing, and all.

He did at least get to see Elrond do his work with Erestor. And he got to listen to Maglor many times, that was nice. Also, the food was really good in Rivendell. There were always all different options, and servants would bring him trays with many things on them to try. Only the highest people got that, the rest went and got their food themselves. He would have liked to do that, but can't offend them by asking for it.

He'd never tried anything like all the food. It must be a middle earth thing. Strange textures, flavors he's never had, all of it was new. How interesting. He'd love to go eat there every day, but he's just an obstruction. Everyone's happy there as it is, he's just a pox on their lives.

He stays in his boat and eats on the dock like usual.

For the first time ever, really, he feels lonely. It was kind of fun, to talk to people. To see new things, and try new food.

To hear Maglor's new songs, or what he'd just thought up. To listen to Glorfindel's latest funny story, and see his elaborate outfits. To get to talk to Elrond about random mundane things that don't matter. To hear him and Glorfindel bicker, to hear them all argue about which clothes they should wear to what event.

He's just an interloper.

A while later out of the blue the Lady Galadriel comes to visit him, to his shock. He bows and makes to come off his ship, but she asks if she can climb onto it. He agrees. Her servants stay on the dock to wait for her; she comes alone.

She invites him to come and see her city. He hesitates; his story is famous.

He used to be proud of it.

Now he's ashamed to think of how he abandoned his family. And everyone knows Elrond, and what happened. Earendil often keeps his gaze away from that of other elves, aware of what they must think of him. ... Especially in Elrond's own city. Of all places, they must laugh at him there more than anywhere else. They must despise him.

Admittedly they were very nice when he was there, though.

"I would be pleased to show you the trees in my forest," Galadriel tells him, so he agrees to come. She seems like a powerful, magic elf. It would be folly to cause strife with her, he thinks. And also, he knows she taught Elrond much, as per his own words, and that she is great friends with her son. And a noble, powerful ally to have.

So he prepares for a journey to her forest.

He rides there with her and her servants. It's very different from Rivendell, except for the nature being the focus. All the rooms are up in trees. They have to walk up endless stairs. She has dinner with him, and asks him about sailing and the ocean.

Thankfully she skips topics like his life, Elrond's life, the Feanoreans probably hating his guts when he comes to new Rivendell and just in general, her cousin Maglor, and other things. There's no one who hates 
Earendil more than himself.

Galadriel has him try the food of her people and asks him to compare it to Rivendell. "I have only been able to try their food recently," she explains, as he eats. "I have been enjoying it. The diverse types of it. Very unusual."

He nods.

"I liked their variety of beverages," she continues. "They have teas and drinks no other elven area has, and often drink things at strange temperatures. Their use of ice is very interesting, as I have not encountered that before in food or drink. Typically we shun it, of course. For obvious reasons."

"Like the cold cream," Earendil offers, and she agrees.

"Indeed," Galadriel says. "That is something unique, one among many."

He had liked that. Very cold, very firm cream with flowers in it, or spices, or other things. And things on top of it, like nuts or candies. Goodness but does he miss their food. Elrond's chefs are truly superlative.

This Lothlorien food is simply desultory by comparison. Having tried such a wide variety at Elrond's city, it doesn't compare. Before that he would have said it was great.

It's the food that does him in. A lifetime of eating bland, shelf stable food on his ship has made him weak for Elrond's people's food.

He goes back to new Rivendell unwillingly, and Elrond is surprised to see him. But not totally displeased he thinks. He tells him about his interest in the food, and Elrond is pleased.

He personally takes him to the gardens, farms and kitchens and shows him why their food is different. He also explains where the recipes come from, and why they're all so different.

And he shows him the statue of Elros that he has. Elrond waits for him outside the garden that it's in. He weeps to see it; he'll never see Elros except in the memories Elrond shares with him mind to mind.

Then later Elrond tells him he can have them try food together if he likes, all different things. He likes.

It's fun to eat with Glorfindel and Elrond. Maglor doesn't eat with them for some reason, but he doesn't feel like he can ask.

Gil-Galad doesn't either, but that seems to be because he is the high king. Earendil eventually realizes that other, normal elves make obeisance to him but he just greets Earendil like an equal, casually.

This time he asks Elrond if he can stay in a room away from the main area of the city and if Elrond can come see him if he wants, but he won't bother him in his real rooms where his work takes place. Elrond doesn't seem to mind. This way they can keep their servants.

He spends time in the library, trying to find some joy in Elrond's interest. He likes this realm that Elrond loves. He has an enormous private book collection too, he's famous for his love of reading. ... Earendil tries many books, but never quite finds himself enthused about any. Elrond gives him some books on sailing and related topics that he does read, though, as that does seem interesting.

Also, as if he wouldn't read stuff Elrond picked out for him and brought him by his own hand. He owes Elrond big and small in perpetuity.

He tells Elrond to let his friends know they can come and see him if they get bored or need an excuse to get away, and shockingly they do come. Maglor brings his harp, and Glorfindel just chats. Sometimes they come together, actually. Elrond comes and eats with Earendil in his rooms everyday, often with the others, and it's fun to have it be so informal.

They get huge sets of different types of food. It's really nice. Maglor's absence stands out at mealtimes, and he asks Elrond if he will not eat with Earendil for some type of honor-related reason.

Elrond looks surprised. "No, he just -- well. He just usually eats the same thing all the time, and he thought you'd find it odd to see. And then he'd have to explain why."

"All the time?" he asks.

"Well," Elrond says slowly. "He was very hurt a long time ago, and forever after that he struggled to eat. So I had him drink liquids instead, and he got used to it. And so he usually does not eat like a normal elf."

Oh, he thinks. Earendil now grasps what he means.

"You mean when he was sick on the shore and you rescued him," he says and Elrond stops and looks at him, confused. "I heard you all thinking about it sometimes, when you used to 'talk' to me in middle earth," Earendil explains.

Elrond had often prayed to him, telling him what was going on, and asking him to magically give him wisdom, and more power, and more skill. Of course he couldn't, but he wished he could.

"I forget that, sometimes," Elrond tells him. "What do you know, then?"

He tells him a rough version. Elrond looks a bit nauseous at first. He gets it. It's a pretty big invasion of privacy for a kid discarded by his parents.

"I don't remember a lot of it," Earendil tells him, trying to reassure him. "At first I thought I was imagining it."

"Why don't I tell you about everything again," Elrond suggests, and he nods. He tries not to be too eager, but he wants to hear all about Elrond. Boring regular things and the big stuff too. Maglor doesn't tell him things like this, and Gil-Galad only says expected things about him. "I'll go through it all."

Maglor he does not begrudge though, for many reasons. Also because he seems to guard Elrond like the distant guards Earendil has noticed just barely that trail Elrond; they are usually off in the distance.

While at first Elrond's inner circle seem to try to be formal around him, that breaks down pretty quickly. Glorfindel seems to eat off of everyone's plates [well, not Earendil's] all the time.

"I am interested in seeing Lorien for myself," Elrond tells him one day at lunch with just the two of them. "I do not know so much about Aman's healing."

Earendil nods. "I've never been inside." He's only escorted his wife there before.

"I'm wondering if I should go, to be healed," Elrond tells him, to his shock.

He opens his mouth and stops. What's he going to say -- why? ... Everyone knows why. Elrond's life story is literally famous for how grotesque it is. And Earendil is a key, chief architect in that story.

"Would you go with me?" he asks him, and Earendil nods, surprised.

But when they do go, escorted by Glorfindel and Maglor too, weirdly, it's nice there. He gets to even talk to Nienna herself, personally. By the end of the day he knows -- he wants to stay here. It's making him feel good, somehow. He tells Elrond, who understands.

All four of them end up staying. It's rather nice there.

The nightflowers smell so good, and the gardens are so endlessly beautiful. Earendil finds himself weeping, and weeping and weeping. Thankfully he has an excuse to be here, since Elrond said he wanted to learn about their healing methods.

It would gross for him to claim he needed to be healed when Maglor's life is just one open wound [still, even] and Elrond's was only horror.

After the world is remade, Maglor shows him memories of his boys as children. He only shows him Elros once in a while, and through his mind connection Earendil can feel his excruciating pain about him. He can feel Maglor's mind shy away from it, as if he is trying to push away his powerful emotions.

Earendil finds himself hysterically sobbing silently and comes out of a daze to see Maglor unconscious. He runs out and gets help for him, and thankfully there are people right there. At his house at Elrond's, there are often people out planting his garden for him and things like that when Maglor or someone comes over.

It's kind of them. He likes to see the flowers. They do lots of things for him, and treat him respectfully. They don't say anything about what he did, or Elrond, or well, anything like that. Or about him being half-elven. There is a strange solemnity in how they treat him, like he's important.

Well, maybe they feel like his connection with Elrond means something. As little as that might be.

Elrond's people often bring him food, invite him to things, clean his house, give him random things. He finds stuff in his rooms that he's never seen before all the time, and it's always fancy things like beautiful clothes, or supplies, or art.

Elves are kind to him in Elrond's valley, but he shuns most company. A few of them he talks to when he has the energy. He's spent so long alone while sailing that he isn't used to talking to anyone. He often goes off on his own to the shore and gets on his boat. He makes sure to mention it sometimes to Gil-Galad in case he wants to go, since he seems to love sailing so much.

Of course after Cirdan comes, he does this no longer. It's ironic to feel replaced once more, just in a different circumstance, in a tiny way. It's still difficult to feel, and to think of what it reminds him of.

Maglor just seems better than him in every way. He's a real full elf, and one from the strongest, oldest blood. He has seriously dangerous superpowers with his harp, Earendil's been told. Apparently he can kill and destroy buildings with only singing and music, no sword required. The actual weapons are just for show.

And he saved Elrond, loved him, raised him. He comforted him as a little boy, he taught him to read. He was there for him. Instead of being tortured to death, or treated ill as a hostage, Elrond was a beloved son. A child that was cherished.

Maglor bought him everything -- clothes, shoes, presents, books, jewelry, weapons. And more importantly, Earendil eventually finds out by overhearing Elrond's inner circle [who talk openly around him, it seems] casually mention something about Elrond's insane wealth. Maglor had given Elrond so much money and priceless gems when he'd sent him to Gil-Galad's court that Elrond couldn't spend it because it would upset the local economies.

Of course, Elrond nor his brother had needed to use almost any of it, since Gil-Galad had personally given them both large amounts of wealth and goods to befit their standing as princes of Doriath, Sirion and Gondolin. Secretly, Cirdan had too, and so had Galadriel.

Elrond doesn't seem much for worldly things, he's noted. Except for books and gardens.

He always seems to wear old, worn clothes unless some dignitary is there or it's a formal occasion; and Maglor always seems to look like he's going to a funeral in an outfit he's had for centuries. He wonders what Maglor would look like in his 'pre-Finwe-dying' raiment.

Glorfindel dresses so ostentatiously that it makes Maglor and Elrond stand out even more in their plainness. Neither of those two wear jewels, either, mostly. Sometimes Earendil sees little pieces of jewelry in the markets near the shore that he passes by that suit one or the other of them, and he buys them. He keeps them on his boat.

It seems silly and humiliating to think of giving them as actual gifts to either of them. Maglor has access to the highest level of society and also craftsmen, even including those in his own family, and Elrond is probably secretly one of the richest people in Aman -- other than Finwe and his sons.

His eye is always caught on books as he passes by. But he of course does not look or buy any. Elrond has one of the best libraries in Valinor, courtesy of Gil-Galad's intense collecting phase before Elrond even arrived here. And Earendil knows that many Feanoreans like even Nerdanel herself personally sends Elrond books as well.

Many elves know this about Elrond and do the same thing, either out of respect, out of gratefulness for things he's done for them, to be kind, to try to curry favor with him, to try to be friends, or to try to have done something nice for him in case they ever get injured and want to ask for his help.

How could Earendil possibly compete with any of that, he thinks.

Of course Elrond also has a actual city full of people who would literally compete with each other [with pleasure] to serve him. Over time Earendil realizes these people are actually Feanor's quarter people -- Feanorean supporter people. And they treat Elrond like he's their favorite person of all time.

He can tell, in the little things they do. The way they arrange his food so fancily, the way they act so submissively around him, even though he doesn't even care about fancy things or desire people to humble themselves before him. Elrond is very humble himself, without even thinking about it. They are all much older than he is. And they act like it's an honor to take his teacup when he's done with it!

Earendil has met other famous people, rulers, all that. Their people treat them efficiently as servants. But not with the love that Elrond's people show him. He sees them beam lovingly at him, unseen. Small things like that.

When he and Glorfindel are off on strange jaunts in nature in the valley, Earendil can easily find where they are based on the percentage of new Rivendell common worker elves who are smiling to themselves.

Elrond seems oblivious to this, and also interestingly acts like his servants are his friends. This is something Earendil has never seen before in real elvish society. Class is a real thing in the world of the elves. Most elves socialize based on class.

Elrond though does not seem to have heard of that principle. When he takes Earendil to be introduced to the famous ringbearers, the halfing people, they give Earendil a fancy seat on a couch and Elrond sits on a pillow on the floor.

When Earendil protests this, Elrond tells him it's his old tradition with them.

Eventually, he meets Feanor. Before that he meets Maedhros -- they both stop, startled, [it's not like either of them are easily confused with others] and he says, "Lord, I am sorry to hear of your suffering before," politely, and bows, and walks away.

He makes sure to speak in Sindarin, seeing as who knows how offended he would get by sa-si-ing.

"Wait," Maedhros says, softly, and Earendil turns around, surprised.

It's not like he doesn't know what people say. He has very, very keen ears ... to be honest he's wondered whether his senses are better than those of elves, but he forbears to ask anyone due to the implied insult, either given or taken.

Everyone has been worried about Maedhros talking to him. Apparently they all think he'll say 'Elrond is mine/ours' and things like that.

"Could I speak to you for a moment," he continues, and Earendil nods respectfully. Regardless of what he did as a kinslayer, this elf is a famous opponent of Morgoth and Sauron. He deserves respect.

And he did a lot positive things for his sons.

Maedhros goes into another area, and he follows. He finally sits down on a bench in a random little garden area; new Rivendell has many of those. "I must tell you," he says, "I have greatly grieved what was done in my life, by me. But I was happy to think at least the boys were spared. Much good though that did, since Elros chose to die."

Earendil is taken aback. He too kind of thought that this son of Feanor would just say 'Elrond's mine, get out of here you fraud' and walk off.

But instead he keeps talking. "I have thought, though him being with us comes from evil, at least we were good to Elrond. He always seemed pleased by us. And now, too. Though for you this must necessarily come as an affront, that he should cleave to us."

"No," Earendil interjects. Maedhros pauses, so he continues. "It isn't. And I'm happy he's with you. Was with -- is. Both, I guess. I gave up the right of getting to speak for him when I abandoned them." His throat closes a little. "I'm so happy he has both of you back. He tries to pretend and be nice to me, but ... it's all a farce, of course."

Maedhros stares at him.

"I wish I'd been one of you," Earendil adds bitterly. "Because you adopted children who needed someone; and I left them. I have no good track record when it comes to my only family member caring about me. I have no family, anymore. It's funny how everyone pretends I'm a good person and not who I really am. But of course that's the truth -- Elrond's real father is Maglor, and his real grandmother is Nerdanel."

He looks down at his shoes, leaning on his arms as he sits beside Maedhros.

"You can be one of us -- now," Maedhros says. He looks up at him. "You are free to remake yourself. Just as I and my brother want to be someone new, you too can be. I know Maglor likes to talk to you; he has said he holds you in high esteem."

Oh. That's nice of him, Earendil thinks. It's probably because he feels sorry for him. Maglor's always seemed like a nice guy. And Elrond likes him, which means he's really great -- Elrond is not a fan of a lot of elves, he's learned over time. He judges them harshly.

Earendil hasn't asked how he judges him, because that is a scenario that will turn out poorly for him.

"Thanks," he says quietly, and gets up, and leaves.

It's just sad to be him sometimes. Elrond will always think of the Feanor sons with happy memories, and specialness. And he will always think of Earendil as a stranger who deserted him. Along with the mother who did even worse.

He goes back to his little house in new Rivendell, and cries. Just as he feels disconnected from his own parents, so too has he failed his own son. Sons, he reminds himself. Then he's sad all over again over Elros being dead. He didn't even want to come over the sea and meet his parents. Ever.

Earendil marvels at the energy of Elrond's elves. Sometimes he barely has any. When he does have some he goes and sees what Elrond's up to. He's in a small way lost his passion for sailing, but only a little.

Gil-Galad often asks him to take him out on his boat, so he does. Elrond comes too, and sometimes even Glorfindel does as well. It's nice to hear them compliment his magic boat, though often he just sails in the real sea for them.

Elrond always lounges around as Gil-Galad does the work of sailing. Sometimes he seems to like to look at the water by the railing.

Earendil does not see Maedhros again, but he does meet Feanor. When he sees him, it's obvious who he is. He even looks larger than life. He knows from hearsay and Elrond too that Elrond has spent time with Feanor and his family before.

He also knows Feanor sends him boxes of things all the time -- books, clothes, jewels. Earendil has never given him the little things he's bought him and Maglor. There was no point before, and now with Feanor back in action there's really no point.