Comments on Woolgathering

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This is a beautiful piece where I fell in love with Númenor once more, especially thanks to your vivid narrative:

The path took her to the crest of a hill covered with swathes of red poppies. Wild roses bloomed along stone outcrops. Across the shallow vale, she saw a figure sitting on a rock.  Putting her fingers to her lips, she whistled and was answered by a wave and the yip of one of the small black herd-dogs.

or

They had come to this very same rock to sit, a place that allowed an expansive view: the downs rolled away to the South where the ocean lay; to the North, the cone of Meneltarma loomed; beyond lay the great city of Armenelos where the old king, Tar-Palantir, ruled. Grandmother had fixed her with eyes blue as the clear sky above the green hills.

 Simply beautiful. I really loved this peak into Elerína's past, with it's cultural and family background/politics. The conversation with her grandmother made me long for those talks I had with my own, a sage woman talking to a very young but oh so eager maiden. :) Her grandmother's gentle reminder of her position made sense to me, especially given her earlier attachment to the shepherdess.

 If I may make one small comment, you might want to look at the sensual bits for pacing. It reads a bit like that there is only action withought thought (as in the senses). It stands a bit out compared with the rest of the piece although this might be completely me (feel free to twhap me though).



Thanks so much, Rhapsody!  I enjoyed writing this if anything as character background for Elerína. 

There will be no twhapping.  I'm an absolute hack with regard to writing an sort of eroticism (I am sure I use hackneyed "forbidden" words) so suggestions are welcome.   I'll keep this in mind for future reference although I can't say that I'm engaged in abstract thought while...well, you know. ;^)

Heh - I ain't going to question the Bard's gentle critique (it's not my territory anyway!) But I have to say, I really enjoy this - the joyfull sex and the complicated politics! 

I am fascinated by a Númenor so different from my take on it!



Ha!  Believe me, it's not my territory either, and that should be evident.  Thanks for the kind words and for the constructive criticism elsewhere.  That definitely helped the story!

With regard to differing visions of Númenor, that's the beauty of Tolkienian fan fic, particularly when Tolkien is read as "mythology" (as opposed to canonical orthodoxy): there are many wonderful and varied interpretations.  Which means, of course, you're just gonna have to get your vision into print. :^)

This is a story I come back to read again and gain. It really is one of my favorite on this site. As we've discussed before, the femslash genre is a small, but fascinating one. I love how you got into the deeper emotions of the characters. I really enjoyed the beginning, the interactions between Elarina and th shepherdess. I really like the idea that there were places in Numenor, and groups of women, that openly embraced the idea of lesbianisim and bisexuality. A lot of the great cultures in hstory had those elements, and it would make sense for a society, where many men were mariners, or did occupations that kept them away from long periods of tim, that he women really developed their own Numenor in a way.

 Your Elarina is fascinating, and a charactr that is tangible, and relatable. I truly adore her grandmother. I wish I had  a grandmother who was so wise and open minded. I like the way she carefully guides Elarina without trying to be overprotective.

 Your descriptions of the sights, smells, sounds, all fabulous. I really could picture everything going on in your story. Very beautifully done.

"blush" I thought I had left a review for this awhile back, but saw I hadn't. Bad Roisin!