Comments on The Beautiful Ones

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OK.  I am more than sufficiently mollified by this wonderful story, Elleth!  I love, love, love your blend of primary world archaeology/anthropology and Tolkienian myth (and am very tempted to poach from it >:^) - with permission, of course).  You've captured a lovely primitive innocence in Dess and Kairê, their affection for one another, their playfulness, and their worries, and the bloom of their erotic discovery, which is coupled with the discovery of words.  I thoroughly appreciated how you incorporated language (as befitting the Kwendî) into the love scene.  Linguistics as eroticism.  Whoddathunkit? ;^)  But seriously, I need eroticism that engages my brain, and this certainly did.

But this is not a light-hearted story.  There's a feeling of dread, the fear of the Rider (whom the tribes conflate with Melkor), and the spectre of hunger.  

Oh, yes, there's plenty of Gratuitous Elvish™ in The Beautiful Ones, and it works.  Amazingly, I was able to parse out a fair amount of it without resorting to the End Notes, but that may be due to pouring over the Ardalambion section of Primitive Elvish when I was trying to figure out what the Dark Muse called himself when he insinuated himself among the tribes of the East.  You created a logical argument for Tiuksû, or at least it seems so to this non-linguist.

They have seen them before, and they say there are animals there that are larger than the deer and boar of the forest, and larger even than bears! Kine, and great beasts that bear a single giant horn on their snouts, and ones they call andambundâi - high as Kêmî's trees, large as a boulder, and full of hair! And a nose like one of our arms, but many times as long!"

SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!   And you know why. 

I guess it's obvious that I loved the story. :^)



I took one look at this wall of text after the review notification fluttered into my inbox, didn't read any of it, and then hurriedly backed out, because such a long review from you probably didn't mean anything good (said my ficcish anxiety), and I'm generally not used to effusive praise. ;) But now that I did read it --- thank you, thank you, thank you! :D

Both for reading this pile of oddness, and for picking up on so many of the points that I did try to convey in the fic - the primitive innocence, erotic linguistics (heh. I do like that term!) and the subtle threat of Morgoth and their environment in particular, and I'm doubly glad that the use of Primitive Elvish appealed to you, being so ambivalent about Gratuitious Elvish. ;) Hearing that the background and worldbuilding convinced was an added bonus on top of everything!

And yes, there will indeed be Cuiviénen Megafauna. That is something that I've been itching to write for years, as you well know, and can't wait to get that down on the page. :D And of course you are welcome to poach what you like - and if anything is unclear, I'll be happy to elaborate on that as well. You do know how to reach me. :) Once more, thank you again for the lovely review and the enthusiasm; I'll be trying to get chapter two done as soon as possible!

I feel slightly guilty because I enjoy this story, but not so much for the actual story, but for the Primitive Elvish! Great work on the reconstructions as well as the neologisms, and I think you've brilliantly incorporated it into the story. The intellectually titillating dirty talk was particularly entertaining, of course.
And... yes. I also enjoyed your depiction of Cuiviénen life... but I adored the linguistic work most. ^^ (You're probably not surprised.)

Please don't feel guilty! :D The first chapter isn't terribly eventful, after all; it merely works to set the scene. And you being you, I'm really not surprised that you did find the linguistics most engaging (though I am a bit surprised that the neologisms passed muster), but it doesn't mean that I'm any less delighted by your enjoyment! Thank you so much for your review, Lyra! ^^

It's probably the sign of a good storyteller at work when, after reading the story, you think "Of course! Why did I never realise that?" That's how I felt about Dess' "legend". What a brilliant connection.

Of course, my inner anthropology nerd also loves all the details about the way those early Noldor live and make sense of the goings-on around them, their beliefs and then (of course) their language. I'm usually not a fan of gratuitious Elvish in fanfic, but here, I enjoy every bit of it. (Why are you surprised that your neologisms passed muster, by the way? It's not like I'm fluent or even particularly familiar with Primitive Elvish. Or that much of a linguistic genius, although I'd love to be. >_>) My only criticism is that in the long run, it'd probably be easier if the glossary were in alphabetic order, not in order of appearance!

I'm also happy that Dess and Kalrê are "officially" betrothed - I wasn't sure about that in the first chapter - and I'm intrigued by the backstory you created for Míriel. Maybe there was something to that talk after all...?

Anyway, I continue to be fascinated! Looking forward to the gathering/hunt.

Thank you! To be fair, I had the same experience while writing - the fossil came first, the question of "where did it come from?" only happened while I was writing the scene, and with an existing prehistoric cataclysm, that was a bit too good to pass up. :D I'm glad you enjoyed it! That goes for the rest of the fic as well, the anthropology, linguistics and other aspects of it, and linguistic genius here or there, you have much more training in linguistics (generally speaking) than I do, and I'm muddling around a lot - most of the names and phrases will probably undergo revision the more I'm learning, and I hope that won't be too jarring -  but that's not a question for now, yet. I'll keep the idea for the word-list in mind, at any rate. So far it was intended to provide a guide to read-along with the individual chapters, but I can see the pros of your idea as well. Thank you for that suggestion.

As for Míriel's story - she (and Finwë) are going to feature bit more prominently in the next chapter, and I hope that the truth to that talk, or the lack of it, will become apparent then! :) Thank you again for the review, and now back to researching upper Palaeolithic hunting methods! :D

 

This is so convincingly written! So that besides worrying about your characters' physical survival--their lives seem terribly fragile--I keep mulling over in the back of my mind what it would mean for these people to become canonical Indis, Miriel and so on--within a single lifetime, even if it is a very long one. Culture shock doesn't begin to cover it...



Thank you, Himring! Their lives are very frail, I suppose - immortality does not mean very much, when Morgoth and his servants are there potentially all the time to cut it short. The culture shock is a really interesting point as well, one that I haven't mulled over sufficiently yet, and the timing of which I still will have to figure out as well. Aman, at the moment, is an unknown unknown for these Elves, and going there is bound to be quite a momentuously transformative process. I tried to plant the seeds for some of the future cultural characteristics already, though I guess those will become more clear in the next chapter, when there is some material for comparison and to distinguish the different clans as they currently stand, but even that is not going to change the huge censure heading to Aman will make.

Either way, thank you for such a lovely and thought-inspiring review! :)

So! This is a really, really awesome thing and I am glad that I decided to read it because just wow.

First of all Dess and Kalrê are really, really cute (and that scene towards the beginning - great way to teach someone new words, huh? XD) I really love all the cool linguistic stuff (I don't know how to linguistics, basically I'm really impressed by everything ever in this fic) and also the little hints about the beliefs they have - and the Rider, I remember that much at least from the Silm :P

This is very nice and I will be back to review the second chapter soon!



You should see the huge grin on my face right now! :D

Smut is definitely a good way to teach someone new words! XD I just loved (and still love) the notion that the making of new words is this really pervasive thing for Elves, after all that's one of the things they derive their shared identity from, so it seemed to make sense to include that in intimate moments as well. And I'm glad the linguistics intrigue you - I had *way* too much fun delving into Primitive Elvish (and trying to extrapolate their beliefs, too) to keep that out of the story, so if someone didn't like it, I'd have lost already. ;) 

DINOSAURS this just became my favorite thing ever - the fall of the Lamps as the end of the dinosaurs and Dess and Kalrê finding a fossil and just!!!!

(I knew it was a dinosaur fossil the moment they found it and this is amazing yes)

I really love how immediate all your descriptions are. And the whole atmosphere of the story - not sure how to describe it, but it's something about the way there's this lurking fear of the Rider under everything, and the near-primitive way they're living (contrasted to the way most fics depict them since most fics are written after they reach Valinor and basically I just really, really like everything about this okay).

And linguistics stuff. I am very impressed by your knowledge of that.

(Dess and Kalrê are still the best and I'm looking forward to more, now that I've caught up!)



Dinosaurs! It was very, very tempting to try and include a lot of allusions to real-world history, and as you can see I fell for it - the moment I realized it was possible to construct a rough equivalent in Primitive Elvish. :D I'm glad it worked so well for you! ^^

And the rest of the review basically made me glow a little, I think - that's very high praise, in general, but coming from someone who is so wonderful at making her fics very vivacious and immediate, herself! In this case I suppose it's the "shadow-shapes in the hills above Cuiviénen" from the Silmarillion that captured my imagination the first time I read the Silmarillion and are happy to roam wild finally - because they are out there, even if they haven't directly shown their faces yet.

(Dess and Kalrê thank you very much!) And so do I - thank you very much, and I actually do have the document for the next chapter open, so hopefully it will be up within a short time. :)

Elleth, this is such a wonderful chapter! I love the worldbuilding and cultural information you work in (fights before a hunt, etc.). The quiet foreboding and list of evidence that Morgoth is a growing threat sent shivers down my spine.

My favorite line of description is "Kêmî's Ladder stretching along the shaft, above the lake and the mountains," but that's me and my love of astronomy talking. It's very easy for me to picture the carving.

And the characters are lovely. Dess and Kalrê-- I love them to pieces!

Thanks, Indy! I enjoyed summing up the forebodings that have come on them, so I'm glad they were appropriately chilling - and that the astronomical tidbit worked is lovely to know! I'm holding on to a lot of background worldbuilding in that direction, still, and will continue to scatter in that as well.

Thank you for leaving such a glowing review. :)

This Beleg is going by the Leithian version of him, in which he 'wist no sire but the forest' and I very like the implication that he may have been one of the original 144, which raised the question of the wife who'd have awoken with him without fridging or erasing her to accord with later material, hence their particular relationship here, plus I'm fond of the idea that not everything went as smoothly heterosexual as the Cuivienyarna states. You'll see more of them, too - and hopefully I won't sit on the next chapter quite as long as I did on this.

Thank you so much for the review, Himring! :)