For I am not, my child, a bird of this earth by Erdariel  

| | |

For I am not, my child, a bird of this earth


Winter was different on the coast. Elwing remembered the winter of woodlands only partly, in fragments. But she recalled the winter coming sooner and more suddenly; here it stalled and hesitated, and the damp-grey sea wind often drove it away for a little while longer. But when the sea finally gave in to the cold of winter and was covered by ice, the wind blowing from the open sea became harsh and piercing. Trees grew sparsely here and could not slow the wind.

It was the shortest day of the year, and winter had gained a hold over the land and the sea weeks ago already. Elwing put on two woolen dresses against the cold, pulled a hood on her head and mittens on her hands, and slipped out of the door into the twilight of a slow dawn. In the evening it would be time for celebrating; Mistress Idril had invited Elwing and her household to the feast in her own house, and Elwing would take her father’s necklace out of her locked jewelry chest and put it around her neck, and lit by it and the candles they would sit awake through all the long dark night. The adults would sing songs from the old days and tell old tales, and Elwing could sit beside Eärendil and talk and play with him. But that would be in the evening; it was still morning now, and the day’s work was ahead before the feast.

First Elwing went to get chopped logs from the woodshed. She carried them to the porch to take in later. One full basket of logs would be enough for the day when there would be no one in the house that night, but she went to get a second basketful too to spare the trouble of having to get any when they came back home next morning.

As she was carrying the second basket of logs, two sparrows flew into the yard. They hopped around the yard, probably looking for food, and flew then to the edge of the porch. Elwing smiled at their bustling; she liked birds, and many birds seemed to like her. Therefore she was not surprised when the sparrows did not get away from her when she moved, even when she came very near to them.

Elwing put the basket down on the porch and headed across the yard again, this time to a storage building. The sparrows hopped on their wings to follow her. At the door she turned and looked sternly at the birds.

“You are not allowed to come in here”, she told them.

They looked at her with their little heads cocked. One of them chirped at her. Elwing hoped that they understood. If they tried to come inside she would have to drive them out, and she did not want to frighten them or do them harm.

She opened the door and stepped in. To her relief the sparrows stayed by the doorway, sitting there side by side and following her with watchful eyes as she opened one of the grain containers — the one meant for animal feed — and scooped grain from it into a little basket. The sparrows probably hoped to get a share of the grain; winter was a hard time for homeless little birds forced to survive with what nature provided. In that regard it was a wonder that they had stayed at the doorway as they did, and were not even trying to come inside. I suppose they are wary of me after all, Elwing thought a little sadly. Even the shiest of little birds had never been afraid of her, and the thought that she was growing so big they no longer quite trusted her made her wistful.

Elwing shrugged her shoulders as if to shake away such thoughts. The morning’s work still had to be finished. (Really the folk of her household would have gladly done everything for her; Faraneth especially often said that she did not have to work so hard, she could go out to play and everything would still be taken care of. But Elwing was the lady of her house and was unwilling to leave taking care of it entirely in the hands of others.) She closed the door of the storage building quickly behind her before the sparrows could sneak in, and went to let the chickens and geese out of their coops and to feed them. The sparrows flew over to the fence of the bird-yard, but did not even try to get close to the food troughs as the chickens and geese gathered cackling around them to squabble over who would get to eat first.

“You must not want to have to fight against bigger birds for your food”, Elwing said sympathetically to the sparrows. She would not have wanted to do so in their place either; even the chickens could be fearsome when they were hungry, let alone the geese. But it made her feel wretched to think that those two little sparrows would have to wait who knew how long on the cold windy yard in the hopes that whatever the chickens and geese left behind would be enough for them.

She chased the birds briefly away from one trough and took a handful of grain from it. They clucked and honked disapprovingly at her, but she did not care. She raised her hand up out of their reach and slipped out of the bird-yard. She went to sit on the edge of the porch and opened her hand, holding it out to the sparrows.

“Come here, my little friends”, she said to them in as gentle a voice as she could. “You don’t have to go hungry, I have a little food to spare for you too.”

They flew as one bird to her. One perched on the edge of her palm, the other on her thumb, and for a while they simply pecked grains out of her hand. She watched them with a smile. They were pretty birds in their way. Not as ornate as some birds, but their brown feathers had their own beauty when one knew how to see it.

“Oh you poor little things. When you have eaten you can stay and warm yourselves for a little while, inside my hood if you like.”

How much will that really help, Elwing wondered to herself. Winter was cruel to all the creatures of the world, and a handful of grain or a moment of warmth now would not save the sparrows from hunger or cold tomorrow. She wanted so badly to take care of these two little birds, wanted to make sure that they would survive the winter and could fly free in the summer sun, but she knew that wild birds could not be kept inside the houses of elves. It rarely was truly good for them. Besides, Faraneth would certainly not agree to Elwing keeping sparrows inside the house where they would make a mess and get into food.

“Thank you”, chirped one of the sparrows.

Elwing glanced at the sparrows in surprise. Sure enough, she could often guess what birds wanted or thought, but never had any of them spoken to her in clear elvish. It was the elvish tongue that she had heard, however. Under the chirping its tone sounded like the bright voice of a child, very like to her own voice. There was something almost painfully familiar about it.

“Did you talk?” she asked even though she was sure of the answer.

“We wandered long searching for you”, said the other sparrow — Elwing was certain that its voice was different than the one who had previously spoken, though alike to it. “We had almost forgotten our own tongue.”

“You spoke to us. You were kid to us, and gave us food and offered warmth and speak to us as to friends. You reminded us of our own language, reminded us of who we are”, said the sparrow that had spoken first.

“You were searching for me?” asked Elwing.

“We were searching for you. Of course we were searching, little sister. Do you not know us in these forms?”

“We did not know what happened to you”, said the other sparrow. “We were afraid for you, and thought that we should be together, all of us. But it seems that our fates are not the same”, it added a little sadly. “Your tale goes on and your fate is ahead; but our tale is over already.”

“Elurín? Eluréd?” Elwing breathed.

“Yes, sister. We found you at last”, said the first sparrow — Eluréd, Elwing thought — ja pressed his little head against her thumb. Carefully Elwing stroked its head and back.

“I have missed you so”, she said quietly.

“We missed you too”, replied Elurín softly. “But I am glad to see you are alive, and for the moment, safe. Though you cannot be safe for ever, not here nor anywhere within the circles of Middle-Earth.”

“Stay with me”, Elwing asked. “I will take care of you. I need you, I need your company and counsel.”

“No, we may not stay”, said Elurín. “Searching for you, we have lingered too long already. Our time is out. We cannot linger any more.”

“We would stay if we could. I should like to spend longer with you. But you do not need us. You will find your path by yourself. Be brave, sister.”

“Oh, my brothers! I do not want to say farewell to you yet”, Elwing whispered.

“Be gentle, as you were to us. Dare to love”, said Elurín, flying up inside her hood, and pressed against her neck.

“Your road will be hard, my sister”, Eluréd said, looking gravely at her. “I am sorry that we were not given more time. Heed your heart, and act without doubt when the time comes. Farewell, dear Elwing!”

“Farewell! We shall wait for you until we meet again.”

Elwing wept. She could only hardly gather herself enough to reply: “Farewell, Elurín. Farewell, Eluréd. Farewell, my dear brothers! May the rest of your journey be easy!”

For a moment longer the sparrows pressed against her. Then they took to their wings. Through her tears Elwing watched as they rose up above the roofs and flew westwards, out of sight.


Chapter End Notes

Comments are always appreciated! <3


Table of Contents | Leave a Comment