A Mixed Platter for the Solstice by Himring  

Ah, it goes against my heart To lose my cheesecake

Not much is known about Dior, the ninth Ruling Steward of Gondor, except that he died without children.

A bit of faux academia, with apologies to Dior, although I maintain plausible deniability.

Note: Faux academia implies possible bias, of course!

One of the mysteries of the annals of the Stewards of Gondor is a song attributed to Dior, the ninth Steward, which may have earned Dior an undeserved reputation for gluttony—if it is indeed by Dior. The song, earliest attested in a manuscript written in the time of his heir Denethor I, but at first without attribution, is a truly heart-rending lament—but apparently a lament for cheesecake or, in some versions, cheese tart! 

An article by Barahir suggests that Dior did not remain unmarried because of his girth—always a historically unlikely explanation! The “cheesecake” was a woman.

Chapter End Notes

This is a response to Dawn's extended prompt set for "Cheesecake", which included a link to this etymological discussion of the use of "cheesecake" to mean "woman". The discussion cites the following very early use in a poem or song that refers to the banishing of women whose morals Cromwell objected to: 

But ah! It goes against our hearts,
To lose our cheesecake and our tarts.
Poems and Songs Relating to the Late Times (1662)

I feel I have to apologize for daughterofshadows for the use I made of their research on the Stewards of Gondor here! They were raising the possibility that Dior may have had no heirs because he was aromantic or a different shade of queer. Well, perhaps queerness is not entirely excluded here! 

For an earlier story that shows Barahir speculating about earlier historical figures see History and Conspiracy.