Comments on Bon(e)fire

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Fuin has requested the following types of constructive criticism on this fanwork: Characterization, Conflict, Description/Imagery, Fulfilled Intent, Mood/Tone, Organization/Structure, Pacing, Plot, Point of View, Research, Sensitivity Read, Setting, Spelling, Grammar, and Mechanics, Style, Worldbuilding. All constructive criticism must follow our diplomacy guidelines.

Your version makes that betrayal particularly bitter!

For Caranthir and Uldor to share such a conversation and Caranthir having opened up so far towards him!

I think you are hinting that memories of Haleth are partly at play in his trusting Uldor too far.

I suppose the theme of bones are ominous and a foreshadowing, although I believe the custom of bone fires is quite a genuine one.

And stabbing in the back can be a metaphor for betrayal, but here it is also very literal!

That's exactly what I had in mind with Haleth!

I read somewhere that etymologically, the word bonfire consists of bone + fire, because actual bones were burned and that inspired this story... I made up the part that bones of dangerous animals give extra luck.

It's curious to me that Maglor slays Uldor and Bor's sons kill Uldor's brothers which probably means that they were close by when they realized the betrayal. So, where's Caranthir, whose ally Uldor is supposed to be?! – I thought literal backstabbing along with the metaphorical one would be quick and detrimental enough for his health to keep him from fighting Uldor himself.

Thanks for reading and commenting!

Ouch! The way this starts off with such warm feelings and deep personal trust shared between them, but then with the revelation that it's Uldor, his words seem to have been a veiled threat. His final action of literally stabbing him in the back reveal that his words were actually promise. This was powerfulky written!

(FYI, the SWG has a beta directory as well a beta-finder channel on the Discord server. There's also a fair few German speakers in the group.)

Ouch!

Just what I intended and I'm not sorry! 😋

I don't know if all of his words were a veiled threat, maybe Uldor really remembers a nice tradition. – But they're definitely thinking of different foes to burn and drinking to different sides winning. 

Thanks a lot for the comment and for pointing me to the resources! 

Love this idea and the punch to the gut in the end of the first 'scene' when we find it's Uldur! Bastard. This is really atmospheric. Great idea as well for a two scene piece that is so textured and visceral. Really enjoyed reading this. Much kudos for writing in your second (or maybe even third! ) language- I am in awe!!