Comments on A Greater Fire

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This seems well done.  It's engaging and easy to follow along.  You have a nice visual and balance of narrative description and dialogue.  I have to admit that I don't yet see the connection between the quote in the story notes and the plot threads as it seems to be about Nerdanel and the healing of the Teleri - so I'll be interested to see how you tie it together.

First of all, thank you very much! :) As for the story title/quote - I fear Nerdanel will put a very particular twist on that in a later chapter... it is not yet apparent, and to tell you what it is would give too much of the plot away already. Sorry! At any rate... the story will soon turn from the Teleri to other places, it is not about them at all... although the idea is intriguing and definitely sounds worth exploring. 

Oh Elleth, what a great first chapter and it starts out with such a great first paragraph where you paint the scene for me as a reader. It is strongly written and every scene that changes gets the same treatment. There are two scenes that stood out to me specifically: Nerdanel on the beach with the six graves. That was simply haunting, I think this was the first bit of foreshadowing, leaving me to wonder a few things, but I am just going to sit back and see how this will play out. Then there is the scene at the dining table: it immediately reminded me of a scene from the tv series Rome where Atia of the Julii and her family sits at the table, grieving and do not touch the food at all. That was the same feeling I got here: a scene that can be compared to ancient Rome and the more details appeared in this chapter, that enhanced the feel I got with this chapter especially when you wrote the detail on how Telerin women dress, it so reminded me of Italy! The scene between the two mothers who both lost so much is touching, although at the start I felt a bit lost who was talking. Now you leave us with such a cliff-hanger, I do have a suspicion who is screaming her name also in relation to the six graves and knowing what stunning artwork you made for the Seven in ’07… I really hope to read a new chapter soon!

Thank you so much for the wonderful review! Also thank you for pointing out places you found problematic - the chapter is being betaed as I type, so maybe that will take care of these flaws. I'll definitely pay attention to them in the revision! :) I'm very glad the descriptions work - I love Tolkien's picturesque style (in the LotR), which quite consciously influenced my decision to use a similar technique. If done correctly it works wonders for the mood of a scene, and it seems that I succeeded at least partly with that. :)

The graves - they may or may not be foreshadowing. I haven't progressed far enough to know for certain, so I like to think of that as a little greeting to canon. The mysterious person calling her name unfortunately is not who you may think. I had planned to incorporate that concept into the story, true, but thae muses since took the plot and ran with it. 

The comparisons to Rome (which I never got around to watching!) and Italy make me very glad. As the story is mainly told from Nerdanel's POV it wouldn't make sense to have the Teleri appear completely alien... they are merely a different culture to a Noldo, like Rome is a different culture (if temporarily removed) to the average European or American. (Does that make any sense?)

Last but not least, the second chapter is in the works, I hope to be able to post it soon! Again, thank you! 

Thank you very much! :) There will be more, this was just the opening chapter... I don't know how far this will go, actually. As I said in the author's notes, I have a very vague outline, but I already know it will be very AU... might as well end up rewriting the entire Silmarillion if that is what the muses tell me to do! ;)

A beautiful introduction, the melancholy mood pervades through and leaves me with a lingering feeling of sorrow even some time after reading it. Your use of silence is done really well without being overdone, and I love the little details that you use! The crabs tickling as they ran across her feet; the slippery wax on the paths and the palpable warmth of the myriad candles; the little bubble of air that escapes from the gap in her teeth. This is a wonderful start to a story that I am looking most forward to reading in its entirety!



First of all, I apologize this took so long... this is one scatterbrained author, as you well know. Let me just say thank you for the review, and you know my obsession with details - there are many more to come in the following chapters, which, I hope, will not be long off. (In any case, being my beta you will be one of the first to read them, so rejoice! ;)

A beautiful start.  I am looking forward to see the rest of this mix of description of the Telerin beachs, which in the light would be so pretty, with the sting of sorrow slipped in, in the form of graves.

 I liked the way you portryed Earwen as a woman who wants to do what she thinks is best and what she must do to keep the faith of her people.  And Nerdanel as the woman thought to be evil, snide comments given to her so she can hear them, due to her family ties, not because of who she is.

Amongst the sorrow, you have that little ray of humour, in Nerwen's clams, which ties in well with the whole scene and it works so well.

 I hope you can understand what I am on about! I look forward to reading more. :)



Thank you very much for the review, Lindale! I am glad you liked the story, and I always love hearing what readers liked best about a particular story or chapter, so thank you for the observations, too - it's an ego-boost as well as tremendously helpful to know what works and what does not.

We will be leaving Alqualonde soon, but I hope it will not disappoint anyway - the mix of remembrance and sorrow will definitely remain one of the prevailing themes in the story as it has been planned and written so far. The humor, in part, will also remain, so hopefully you will have chapters to look forward to, without things getting old or used up. The next update should not be too far off either, so stay tuned. :)

This worked so well for me--the image of a forlorn Nerdanel after her menfolk left her--intensely dramatic.  I also liked how you described Alqualonde and Valinor--I'm a very 'visual' reader so it's a real treat.   I also enjoyed your solid characterization of Nerdanel--especially her chipped front teeth and the cause of it.   She's one of the most ignored female characters in Tolkien's world. You also managed to insert some humor with Nerwen's gift-giving efforts.  I had to smile at that.

It's actually difficult for me to choose a favorite line, but these are the ones that I kept going back to:   "After, she had thought, (once more in silence, startled by her very thoughts) that she was finally losing her mind...in her hours of vigil by the water she always looked to the East.  In silence..."

Will you be continuing this?  ;-D



Thank you so much for the review, Whitewave - replies to the other ones will come when I'm less busy, but your question at least deserves an answer. Yes, this will be continued. In fact, this story is the 'AU that ate my life' that is so often mentioned in my LJ, and a NaNo project of 2007 and 2008; hopefully to be finished before the end of this year - finished writing, that is. Editing and beta-ing will probably take another while in order to get this into a comprehensive and consistent form. I hope it's worth waiting for, though!

I also want to thank you for pointing out your favourite parts and lines of the story - this is a great help to me as an author, to see what works particularly well, and what doesn't. :)