Essence of Dreams by IgnobleBard

Oh my god! Hilarious! 

I think I lost it at this -- 

Now I’m standing on a platform. Not the same platform I was lying on just now but one where I’m in a circle with my brothers. We all pull our swords and start jerking them… No, that was the sleepover with Fingon and Turgon.

A Feanorian circlejerk, oh my! I can't really be suprised by Fingon being there, at least... 

“So you can threaten us, refuse to protect us by keeping your evil siblings locked up, pronounce dooms on us, give us horrible nightmares and show us portents of destinies we can’t change but you’re not allowed to interfere with our ‘freedom of choice’? Has Eru been watching Star Trek reruns again?”

You're completely cracking me up.

The doors to the Vault of Night slam shut on the all-consuming darkness. Then I hear a voice next to me.

“So, care for a game of cribbage?” Morgoth asks. “Just fair warning though, I cheat.”

I LOVE it.

“So you’re upset that I didn’t make it official? I have a wife you know.”
“And how’s that working out for you?”

Best comeback ever!!!

I’m having that M.C. Escher nightmare again.

I am getting a migraine just thinking about it.

A cup appears in my hand and I lift it to my lips and take a sip, spitting it out in the next instant. Chamomile tea. Irmo can be such a smartass.

I know exactly how he feels, Laura is trying to get me to drink less coffee and strong black tea. My suffering is not nearly as hilarious as she thinks.

All righty then. I tip my hat to your utter brilliance. I could cut and paste this entire story in snippets to point out the genius of it. The following has got to be my favorite line for sentimental reasons, although I would argue it stands on its own:

“Have you ever lain with a man before?”
“No, Maedhros and I always did it standing up.”

A perfect piece of work you are this is!! Lovely. Congrats.

Heh.  You know how much hilarity this brought me.  Fantastic send-up of nearly every cliché in the BDSM gallery.   The penguins sent me well and truly over the edge.

Spot-on, IgBee, spot-on.