Interview with fish by Shadow by fish, daughterofshadows  

Fish is creating the art for Stella Getreuer-Kostrouch's presentation "Cherished antagonist, despised protagonist - a defence of Elu Thingol" for Mereth Aderthad 2025. Shadow spoke with fish about his creative process, the importance of both tragedy and eucatastrophe to Tolkien's works (and to keeping his fans forever in the fandom), and the appeal of "greyness" in Silmarillion characters like Elu Thingol.

Shadow: You will be creating art for Stella's presentation "Cherished antagonist, despised protagonist - a defence of Elu Thingol". What made you pick this presentation?

fish: I like thinking about things in shades of grey; it's hard for me to see absolute right or wrong in any of Tolkien's characters, which contributes to the tragedy that's kept me sticking around for so long. Thingol also wasn't really someone I'd spent a lot of time thinking about in those terms—characters like Mim and Maeglin occupy more of that space in my head—so this title piqued my interest.

Shadow: Yes, that is also one of the reasons I'm very excited to hear the presentation! I'm usually too distracted by Gondolin to think about what is going on in Doriath, so I'm curious to hear what Stella has to say about Thingol. You mention that it is the tragedy that keeps you sticking around. Do you want to expand on why this part of Tolkien appeals to you? Are there any other aspects that draw you to his works?

fish: Same about Gondolin. I've spent an (un)healthy amount of time thinking about that place ... I think I've always been something of a romantic in the literary sense, or at least a believer in what Tolkien called "fairy-stories." I find meaning in fictional works that reflect life as I know it or life as I wish it could be, and what is life full of if not bad decisions and terrible strokes of fate? In fairy-stories, though, these things don't necessarily spell doom for all the world (and if they do, that doom is usually pretty temporary). That eucatastrophe is what keeps me coming back to Tolkien—it can't exist without dyscatastrophe, and that feels real to me.

As for other things that keep me coming back to Tolkien, I could go on forever since I feel like his work has been formative to me as a human being. I first read The Lord of the Rings when I was very young, so coming back to anything of his still feels a little bit like returning to that child I was, even as it allows me to reflect on how much more I'm not.

Shadow: The eucatastrophe is something that draws many of us to Tolkien, I believe, but I have spent little time thinking about what it would be without the tragedy. I agree with you, though: it is the conjunction of the two that makes them meaningful and real. Would you be willing to let us into your design process for your art? What went through your head while settling on what art you wanted to create? Was there an aspect of the presentation you immediately latched on?

fish: My art process comprises about 90% chaos and confusion, 5% alcoholic beverages, and 5% terrified delirium. I usually need to have a very strong idea of what it is I'm trying to convey beyond just form and composition before I actually sit down to do anything, which means the only consistency in my work is inconsistency. It's wonderful. For this piece, I was drawn to the whole "greyness" I mentioned earlier, and I had a pretty clear idea right from the start what I wanted to do. I'm also a contrarian by nature, so that sort of meta part of upending fandom trends was a fun prospect for me.

Shadow: I can see why that is appealing! It's always fun to explore what happens when you don't follow the status quo. I'm far more of a writer than an artist, but the 90% chaos and confusion are certainly relatable! My characters usually surprise me with their plans for the story and I rarely end up where I thought I would. While we eagerly await your Mereth Aderthad piece, is there a place where we can find your previous art? Feel free to highlight pieces you are especially proud of!

fish: Most of my art is on my tumblr @fil3t. One piece I'm particularly fond of is a bonus art I did for TRSB last year for niennawept's story Where now all our sons? It was just one of those things that came up and kicked me in the back of the head—the moment I read the scene of (spoiler?) Findis and Anairë returning to Gondolin and finding Turgon's remains, I knew exactly what I wanted to paint. Miraculously, it somehow worked out, and there was a minimum of tears and screaming involved.

Shadow: Ohhh, those are stunning! I especially love your portraits and can't wait to see the final piece for the event! One last question, before I let you go. With Mereth Aderthad being only a few weeks away now, what are you most excited about for the event?

fish: I think I'm most excited to see everyone's presentations and fanworks (so basically everything). I've never done an event like this before!

Shadow: Same! I've had the chance to chat with many of our presenters and creators by now, and I can't wait to see the results of all their hard work. Thank you so much for sitting down with me and talking about your art! I'm excited to see it in July!