For The World’s More Full Of Weeping Than You Can Understand by LadySternchen  

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Chapter 3

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Mablung was woken once again by Elu beside him coughing, a sound that hurt Mablung’s lungs merely from listening. He reached out sleepily, stroking his boyfriend soothingly until he lay still again.

“We fell asleep, I think,” Mablung remarked rather unnecessarily.

Elu did not respond, his breathing sounding horrible, and Mablung could only imagine how miserable he must feel. He reached for his phone to check the time. It was twenty minutes to midnight. They had slept for hours.

“Elu,” he tried again, “Are you alright? Is there anything I can do for you?”

This time, Elu opened his eyes a little, only to be overcome by coughing a moment later. He seemed barely conscious.

“Alright, that’s enough. Sit up.”

And when Elu did not respond immediately, Mablung reached for his arm and physically pulled him upright. Elu swayed a little bit, then gradually managed to gain his balance despite his ongoing coughing. Mablung took advantage of that, got up from the bed, and opened the window wide. The air was crisp and cold and smelled of snow, a scent Mablung had loved since childhood, and he found himself breathing deeply before heading back to his boyfriend, nurse-mode now full on.

“Try to take slow, deep breaths,” he said in a low voice, taking up the stroking Elu’s back again. “And once you feel ready, I’ll give you a little of your tea. It’s gonna be cold by now, but drinking will still help.”

It took Elu a solid ten minutes to achieve all that Mablung had asked of him, and Mablung held him the entire time, drawing a blanket around them both so they would not get cold.

“You know, I was wondering… does taking a shower sound good to you? I know it means moving, but I really think the steam would help you breathe. And as it’s almost midnight, we’ll have plenty of hot water and, even more exciting, actual water pressure.”

It was quite a relief to see Elu nod, even more so when his remark about the ageing dorm’s abysmal water pressure actually drew a small smile from Elu.

There was nothing nice about the dorm shower with its greyish-brown tiles and mouldy corners, but to Mablung, sitting crammed into the small cubicle and letting the hot water run over himself and Elu, it was the most wonderful place in the world. The tiny room filled quickly with steam, which, as Mablung had predicted, significantly eased Elu’s breathing. Whenever he coughed now, it sounded much easier on his chest, which Mablung noted with satisfaction. Then, being overcome with a sudden sense of recklessness, he reached for the soap and gently started to rub it over Elu’s back, very unsure if they were at that stage of their relationship yet. Elu smiled and closed his eyes contentedly.

“That’s nice,” he sighed, shifting slightly to allow Mablung access to every bit of his body.

“Yeah, it is.”

Did his voice need to hitch like that now? But either Elu didn’t notice, or he did not care, which felt rather reassuring. This was about the most intimate moment they had ever shared. Sex was one thing, but this raw, familiar intimacy was something else, proof of how deeply Elu trusted him. He hesitated only for a second before proceeding to reach between Elu’s legs as well, searching his gaze for consent. Elu no longer smiled but looked at Mablung in a way he could not quite place, though he knew him enough to know that there was some heavy emotion behind this look.

“Are you fine with me doing this?”

“Yes,” Elu breathed. “I am.”

Once he was finished, Mablung helped Elu to his feet so that he could rinse off properly, fully aware that slippery as his boyfriend was just now, he would not be able to hold him should he get dizzy. Elu seemed fine though, rubbing the soap off his skin. Then, when Mablung made to wash himself, Elu grabbed him by the arm and gently stayed his motion.

“Let me do that.”

Goosebumps erupted all over Mablung’s body, and he leaned into Elu’s touch readily, even as his reason protested.

“That’s not what this was meant to be. I just wanted to help you.”

Elu hummed, drawing circles on Mablung’s back, then gently going down to his buttocks.

“I know. But I want to do it back.”

With his free hand, Elu tilted Mablung’s face upwards, and brushed his lips with his. Mablung answered the kiss eagerly, suckling at Elu’s bottom lip as Elu reached between them to soap Mablung’s front as well, and promptly felt his cock react to the touch. It was not enough to make him hard, not outright, but he still shuddered as Elu touched him there a moment later.

“I’ve never felt so… close to you.” he whispered, feeling almost weepy when Elu nodded and tightened his embrace. “I don’t want this to be over, ever.”

That, however, was out of the question. As it was, they would likely only avoid being scolded for their water use because it was the first night of the holidays and so many other students had already left, and Mablung really felt no desire to push their luck. Especially since the dorm did not allow for open romance between roommates, and they’d be hard-pressed to explain why two guys needed that much water. They reluctantly stepped out of the shower, therefore, and got themselves ready for bed. It was a pity that Elu was as poorly as he was, Mablung mused, as he watched Elu undo his bun and shake his hair out so that it spilled over his shoulders and back, for he would not have said no to a second round, but that really was out of the question. Instead, he merely insisted on rubbing some of the Vaporup on Elu’s chest in the most sensual way possible, before they hurried back to their bed, both shivering in the cold room.

Airing the room thoroughly had nevertheless been a good idea. It smelled quite nice now, and, Mablung mused, snuggled once again under the blanket with Elu, he would not be cold for long, though Elu admittedly was not burning up as much anymore as he had done. The shower seemed to have done him some good.

“We won’t be able to sleep now, will we?” Elu mumbled, his head resting on his arms. “After we slept for so long? I’m so tired, but I just know I won’t sleep.”

Mablung grinned. He, too, felt wide awake, and had already resigned himself to lying awake for a couple of hours.

“Then we’ll just lie here and cuddle, and talk if you want and feel up to it. You mark my words, you’ll be asleep faster than you think.”

Elu chuckled a little.

“Talk about all the awkward things one normally never mentions? Like our own little edition of ‘things you really should know about your boyfriend but don’t dare ask’? Oh yes, please.”

“You really are feeling better, aren’t you? Good. Ok, then since I’ve played your private nurse, I’ll go first. What was your favourite subject in school, and do you know mine?”

“Mmm, that’s tough. I can’t decide. Yours is easy, though; you were always a science genius. I sorta liked everything. Apart from French. Urgh, I hated French. But my favourite… I’d say musical education, but I didn’t get along too well with my ME teacher. He was big on Wagner, and little else. And I kept asking him about ancient music. He was not impressed.”

Mablung laughed. Yes, that sounded like Elu alright.

“Yeah, I remember him. His Wagner obsession was quite famous. I felt lucky I had a different teacher.”

“Ok, my turn. Did you have a comfort toy when you were a baby, and what was mine if I had one?”

“Oh my God. Yeah, I’ve had one, and you’ve met him, too. His name is Teddy, though he’s either a dog or a rabbit, and he sits behind my bed back at home.”

“Awwww.”

“I don’t know about you, though.”

Somehow, he could not imagine Elu cuddling a teddy bear. He had always seemed so grown up, even when they had been children.

“I had a comfort blanket. And you know it, too, only you didn’t know it once belonged to me.”

“Uuuhh, Elmo’s blankie?”

Elu nodded, and smiled softly.

“Yeah. He wouldn’t take anything else, and I figured that I was old enough to pass it on, anyway.”

“I’m never going to grow too old for Teddy. Only he’s growing too old and frail to carry around, or he’d be with us here now.” Mablung protested indignantly.

“I wouldn’t have thrown it out, either. But Elmo loved it, and I’m quite ok with it being used on. Mum was so glad because he would settle down much better with it. And now, of course, he has something to remember me by.”

The silence that followed weighed heavily. Elu’s voice had quavered ever so slightly on the last sentence, and even Mablung felt quite sad. Elmo had clutched that faded blue blanket with its yellow stars and moons so tightly that night when the social worker had carried him to her car, and had Mablung known that this was actually his big brother’s, he would probably have cried himself.

“Right, next one,” he said, steering the conversation away from Elmo. “Have you always been aware that you were gay?”

“No, actually. For the longest time, I thought I’d have a wife and kids like my parents. Or I wanted to, anyway. But I realised quickly that I was not attracted to girls in any way, not sexually. But I didn’t fancy guys, either, so I didn’t think too much about it. Being straight was what I’d grown up with.” Elu suddenly laughed. “When I was smaller, I used to dream about a fairy queen taking me away. You know, like in the song.”

He sang the verses softly instead of just reciting, something Mablung would not have thought him capable of in his current state.

“Come away, O human child!

To the waters and the wild

With a faery, hand in hand,

For the world’s more full of weeping

Than you can understand.”

“That’s actually a poem by Yeats.” Mablung remarked, glossing over how touched he was by hearing Elu sing.

“I know. But I love Loreena McKennitt’s interpretation of it. But you see what I mean? I did everything to imagine living in a relationship, as long as it was not with a real person I had to feel attracted to.”

“Are you asexual?” Mablung asked, trying to keep his tone conversational. This was a very intimate subject after all.

“Can’t be, can I?” Elu mumbled, a red tinge appearing on his cheeks that did not stem from the fever. “As I’m very much in love with you.”

“And I didn’t say aromantic, now, did I? But it’s a spectrum, it’s totally normal for some asexual people to feel sexually attracted to their partner, but no one else, or else feel a sex drive only under very specific circumstances. Do your research over the holidays, and see if you find yourself in it.”

“How come you know so much about it?” Elu asked, sounding awed.

“Because the Aro-Ace community is part of the wider LGBTQ+-movement,” he stated simply.

“Have you always known, then?”

“Yeah. I’ve known I was into boys before I even knew there was such a thing.”

Elu smiled gently, then, continuing their little game, asked:

“Who was your first crush?”

This time it was Mablung’s turn to blush.

“A boy from my class, actually. And he later turned out to be such an arsehole. But I, uh, had a few of those.”

“Yeah, ok, youthful misjudgements notwithstanding, who was your first real crush?”

That was a much tougher question to answer for Mablung than Elu could be aware of.

“Can’t answer that. You, probably. Or Beleg, I really don’t know. But I never really had a crush on Beleg, he was more like my best friend with… benefits. We had a lot of fun together, though, and these memories still are a huge part of our bond.”

Only after he had said it, Mablung realised how bad it had sounded, like he was trying to make Elu jealous on purpose. Luckily, his boyfriend didn’t seem to take it like that at all.

“That explains a lot,” he chuckled. “But… are you saying you’ve been in love with me for ages and I moron had no clue?”

“Yeah. But hey, you had so much going on, I really don’t blame you. So when did you notice? Because you knew already when I told you, didn’t you?”

“I… actually I didn’t. Or not consciously. I just felt so safe with you in that bed. I hadn’t slept at all in hospital, and only wondered how exactly to do it. But then-“

“Do what?” Mablung interrupted Elu suspiciously.

He knew at heart, anyway, but he was not sure he was really prepared to let that go without scolding his boyfriend properly.

“How to best commit suicide,” Elu answered evenly. “I was totally prepared to head back to the station as soon as they discharged me, and just step in front of a passing train. Selfish as fuck, of course, traumatising the train driver.”

Hearing this hurt so much that Mablung couldn’t even bring himself to answer. And maybe his feelings showed on his face, because Elu put an arm around him and squeezed him firmly.

“But then you turned up with your mum, and you cared for me. You pulled the curtains so I didn’t have to see outside to our house, and let me cry in your bed, and held me. And I thought… I thought that I hadn’t felt this safe anywhere since the accident. You saved me, Mablung, in so many ways. It felt so right. And when you confessed, well… my body reacted before I had wrapped my head around what you’d said. And every day since, I wonder how I could not have realised sooner that you’re my person. I love you so, so much.”

Mablung didn’t care to answer with words to that, but only leaned over to kiss Elu deeply once again. How long it took them to resurface again, he had no idea.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Elu continued, as though there had been no interruption. “I never, ever want to be parted from you again. We need to find a solution for once I’ve graduated, we really do, because I don’t want to miss even a moment of our life together.”

“Are you asking me to marry you just now?” Mablung joked, then realised what he had said and instantly wanted to dissolve out of shame.

What was the matter with him tonight?

To his surprise, Elu did not seem affronted or even surprised by the question at all.

“Not yet” he said calmly, not meeting Mablung’s eye. “But I will. Not in this dorm, not like this. I always, always wanted to do it properly. It’s so funny, because there was never anyone I wanted to marry before you, but I knew even as a kid how I wanted to marry, how I wanted to propose.”

“Enlighten me, then.” Mablung laughed, his head swimming with all the love and affection he felt just now. With that, and the relief that he had not caused a truly awkward situation with his question about Elu proposing.

“You’ll see. But I’ll have a ring then, and I’ll be down on one knee. The rest has to stay in your imagination for a little bit longer.”

“Oh, you’re horrible. Curiosity kills the cat, you know? It might well kill me, too.”

“Awwww,” Elu teased. “Don’t worry, I won’t let that happen. And patience is a virtue, you know?”

Choosing to ignore that last comment, Mablung asked:

“You know what I dream of? Of giving you a call, like ‘Babe, can you pick up some milk on your way home?’ I want to grow old with you, Elu. I want to live through all these normal things with you. Getting our own place, arguing about who used the last toilet paper without refilling it, sitting side by side in our pyjamas on a rainy weekend day, watching the same movies for the millionth time.”

Elu, who had chuckled at the toilet paper, nodded, failing to hide just how moved he was.

“Yeah,” he repeated in a whisper, “Yeah, I’m looking forward to that, too. And… to you calling me ‘babe’, too. I really like that.”

“Well, that, at least, we can do now already,” Mablung whispered back, putting his forehead against Elu’s. “And as we’re now doing all this deep talk, you said you always wanted a family?”

“I did.” Elu replied, almost shyly, as though uncomfortable with admitting just how deep that longing was. “I’ve always wanted kids, before… well.”

“Lathriel offered to carry for me, you know,” Mablung said casually, chortling at Elu’s perplexed expression.

Admittedly, that information would perhaps have wanted for a bit more context.

“She offered it right after I came out to them. Said she never wanted kids of her own, but that she’d be happy to give birth to her niece or nephew, and she renewed that offer each and every year since.“

He had never truly considered his sister’s offer, because he had never really given having children a thought until now. But the idea of actually having Elu’s children was wonderful.

“And it would be the closest we’d get to having our own biological babies,” he added, quite unnecessarily.

“True. I… I admit impregnating your little sister was nothing I ever had on my radar, but… I… I think I really like that idea. Because, as you said, it’s… well, the closest to having our biological children. But now I’ll probably won’t be able to look Lathriel in the eye for some time because this is so awkward.”

“Ah, don’t worry. She’s very pragmatic in that respect. That’s what makes me sure that this arrangement will actually work. It would be quite straightforward, as a matter of fact, she’d just sign off all her parental rights to you after the birth, and I can then later adopt the baby. With all parties agreeing, that strictly speaking doesn’t even need to go before a court. It’s just a lot of paperwork. You being the biological dad, no one can really make a fuss. And that way, Lathriel could be part of her children’s lives, too, only without a responsibility that she doesn’t want.”

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation just now,” Elu laughed, kissing Mablung on the forehead. “But I love it.”

For a while, neither of them spoke, and as it was now the middle of the night, there were little other sounds, either, apart from cars passing. Mablung glanced outside, just to see how many windows were still lit, and found himself transfixed with the sight.

“Elu, look. It’s snowing.”

Large fluffy flakes were drifting past the window, settling on the windowsill and colouring the night city sky in an orange glow.

“Maybe that’s a sign that the universe agrees with our plans. I desperately wish it could be.” Elu whispered, then coughed again.

Mablung laid his hand on Elu’s brow, and found his suspicions confirmed. The relief that the hot shower had brought him had passed, and the fever returned with all might.

“It’s getting worse again, isn’t it?”

Elu merely shrugged, gazing at Mablung silently, the look on his face unreadable even for Mablung.

“I’m a mess, Mablung,” he said finally, his voice hoarse. “This, all of this, feels like a dream. Fantasising about our life together, talking about marrying and starting a family… this is just something out of someone else’s life. I just… you deserve so much better.”

Inwardly, Mablung sighed, doing all he could to keep himself from rolling his eyes. This was no surprise at all, but rather so very like Elu that he had actually been waiting for it.

“Yes, and I want you. Please stop the not-deserving nonsense already.”

“But… no, Mablung, I won’t stop it already. I love you. I can’t even express how much. I don’t want to live another day of my life without you. But I don’t think you really understand what you are getting into. I’m… I’m not, well, normal.”

Trying desperately not to laugh, because he could tell that it was important to Elu to get this off his chest, Mablung nodded.

“Agreed. But I don’t care about normal. I fell in love with you not because you’re normal, but because you are so thoroughly and unapologetically you. You never tried to be cool, or aimed to be a troublemaker. You were always polite, and… and kind. But you would never knuckle under whenever you felt you were in the right, even if that did get you into trouble. You always remained true to your beliefs.“

“But…”

“No but. You’re not feeling well, that’s why all of this seems like such a big deal. But Elu, not being what society would label as normal is not the same as being broken. Have I made you uncomfortable with my talk about being asexual earlier? Don’t worry about it. If you ever stop caring about sex, that’s totally fine with me. I have hands, I can see to my own needs. It’s ok.

And then of course there’s Elmo, which was the other big ‘but’, wasn’t it? Yes, I know that you are not only his brother, but something like a parent to him. I know that for the rest of your life, you will always have Elmo’s welfare in mind, too. That’s fine, Elu. Remember, I’ve watched Elmo the night you collapsed. I love him, too, and I’m more than prepared to help you shoulder that responsibility whenever you need help. And… what else? Your mum? Elu, there, too, I know what I’m getting into. I’ll even share you with your fairy-queen, if that should ever become a thing. But only with her, yeah?”

Relief flickered on Elu’s face, but only for a moment.

“That… oh, Mablung.”

Mablung smiled, though caution still murmured. Something was off.

“Will you spit it out already, what you wanted to say the entire time? Because I don’t buy that you thought for a moment that any of the stuff I just mentioned would keep me away from you.”

“No, you’re right. I’ve been wanting to tell you for weeks now, but I never knew how, because I know how much you always worry about me, and I don’t want to make you worry even more. But remember the doctor’s appointment your mum made for me? The doctor looked through my charts and strongly advised I see a cardiologist as well, and that I did just before Christmas. Well, it turns out that I have a valve defect, likely from birth. The doctor said it’s not at all uncommon, probably aggravated by my growing so much in puberty and likely not hereditary, so I don’t need to worry about having biological children. But that accounts also for my collapse and the arrhythmia they saw on the ECG and thought was caused by malnutrition. And yeah, I give it to them, my eating habits and the stress likely didn’t exactly help my heart. Don’t look like that, Mablung, please, I promise it’s no big deal, I don’t even need to take any medication at the moment, the doctor is satisfied with just monitoring it. But… this does have the potential to get worse over time. I will most likely be on some sort of medication at some point, and if that doesn’t resolve the issue, I’ll need surgery. And there is always a certain risk of… complications. A very slim risk, but knowing you, I know you’ll google it as soon as I’m asleep anyway and then be petrified, so I’m telling you outright. It won’t happen. I’ll be fine just like the vast majority of people living with that defect.”

Mablung gulped. That he had indeed not expected, and he could not deny that it shook him. The idea that at some point in the future, doctors might need to cut into Elu’s chest was harrowing, terrifying, and the word ‘complications’ even more so. Sure enough, he would do just as Elu said and google. But whatever he would come to read read would most certainly not dissuade him from tying the bond.

“Are… are you okay? Are you scared?”

Elu shook his head.

“No. And really, we might just as well stop being dramatic already. It may be decades ‘till that becomes acute, and who knows what medicine can do until then. And even if it comes to it, it’s a totally routine operation even now. No need to worry. Quite likely, had it not been for all the drama, I’d have grown old with that valve defect without ever being any the wiser.”

Before Mablung could even think of a reply, however, Elu suddenly burst out:

“But that’s the thing, I don’t want to grow old, like not at all. I hate the very idea of it. Like, can you really imagine living for decades more, without pause or rest or… anything? And that’s not even speaking of watching friends and family getting sick or even dying. I’ve had enough of that.”

There were tears in Elu’s eyes now, leaving Mablung at a complete loss for anything to say. He could tell that Elu really was not doing well, but he had no idea what had triggered his sudden outburst, nor how to help him. Absurdly, he found himself longing for a moment ago, when the worst of it was something that could be medically fixed.

“Elu, what… it’s ok. I’m not judging, and you most certainly won’t scare me away, but please help me understand.”

Elu took a deep shuddering breath, turning on his back in a desperate attempt to keep his tears from flowing.

“It’s just… all our talk about our future… or rather, all the talk about future at all, makes me so… so sad, and scared, too. You know, in sixteen years, I’ll be older than Dad was when he died, and living past that age feels like a betrayal, because I get to live, while he can’t. And Mum can’t, either. I don’t want that. I don’t ever want that.”

There was no getting another intelligible word out of Elu, who sobbed bitterly now, while Mablung put his arms around him and cradled him softly. That information was something he could work with, after all.

“You’ve never really mourned, have you? It’s ok. Let it all out. I’m here. I’m here with you and I’m going nowhere. Not tonight, not ever. As long as you want me by your side.“

“I al-always want you b-by my side” Elu sobbed, then coughed again.

“Good. But you’ll have to stay alive for that. At least for the sixteen years, alright? Is that a bargain we can make?”

Elu looked up, surprised. Mablung inwardly congratulated himself on that move, though it was certainly no conventional approach.

“Babe, I’ve known you a day or two. Why do you think I’m so protective around you? I know life often feels too much for you, and I… respect that you yearn for some peace and quiet. And I love you regardless. So do we have an agreement? I have sixteen years to prove to you that life is worth living, and you promise me you’ll do therapy to get to terms with what happened to your parents, preferably one that helps you see what utter nonsense it is to ever think that your dad would have wanted anything for you but a long and happy life, despite the fact that his own was cut short. We will also work out a lifestyle that suits you a little better, one that allows you to rest and recharge whenever you need it. But if all of that does not work for you, if life itself is simply too much, then I will not hold you back. But I’ll hold your hand. Alright?”

“Do you mean that?” Elu whispered breathlessly, his eyes wide with awe.

“I do. It breaks my heart into a million pieces even thinking about it, but the alternative is even worse. I don’t want you to suffer. I don’t want you feeling like your life is a prison that you can’t escape from. But Elu? Not the train. Nothing that means I can’t say goodbye. Promised?”

Elu took Mablung’s hand silently, almost reverently, and pressed his lips to their interlocked fingers.

“Promised.”

They did not talk after that, but Mablung held Elu until his exhaustion had taken him, and drifted off to sleep shortly afterwards himself, his head and heart aching with all the emotions he had gone through that evening- love, joy, excitement and the deepest, most terrible grief.

 

It was still dark when Mablung next woke up, with a sore throat and a headache that was bad enough to keep him from opening his eyes.

“Hey” said a soft voice beside him, and the next moment he felt Elu’s lips on his temple.

Opening his eyes in spite of the pain, Mablung squinted at his boyfriend, and was quite surprised to see him crouching beside the bed.

“What time is it?” Mablung croaked, only to go into a coughing fit the next moment. Wonderful.

“Ten to six. But I woke up and couldn’t lie flat, so I did the dishes and made us some fresh tea. I’m afraid you’ve got the fever now as well.”

“I’ve noticed.” Mablung grumbled.

“I’m so sorry I gave you this shit.”

Elu sounded honestly apologetic, and Mablung hurried to shake his head, something he instantly regretted.

“Probably would have got it anyway. Are you feeling better, at least?”

As though by way of an answer, Elu coughed once more, and if anything, his chest sounded worse than the night before.

“The headache’s a bit better,” Elu said in a not very convincingly bright voice. “At least if I don’t move my head.”

“Yay. Something to look forward to.”

Not that it meant much. Elu still looked every bit as ill as he had looked yesterday, and if this was indeed the flu—and Mablung was quite sure it was— it would take a week at least before either of them was through with it. No point, in short, in getting his hopes up to feel any better any time soon. He forced himself to get out of bed to use the bathroom and brush his teeth, only to curl up under his blanket afterwards, feeling utterly miserable. He felt so cold. Elu climbed into bed too, curling his body around Mablung’s. He was still just as feverish as yesterday.

“So we just spend the weekend cuddled up in bed?” Mablung asked, kissing Elu’s hand that he had draped over his torso. “We could watch some movies on our iPads. I bet the Wi-Fi’s fine for a change.”

“That sounds nice.”

Elu shifted his body slightly to be able to lie more comfortably, his hair falling over Mablung’s shoulder. It looked very pretty, Mablung mused, their mingled strands spread over the sheets, his own dark brown hair and Elu’s fair one, and he ran his fingers gently over them.

“Let’s not cook, though.” he mumbled, a thought suddenly striking him. “Let’s order some takeout tonight, if we get hungry at all.”

Elu hummed his agreement, then added sleepily:

“And we’ll take our temperature whenever we need something, see who’s lower.”

“Why?”

“Because whoever has the higher fever can stay in bed.”

“Fair enough.” Mablung laughed, regretting it instantly as it made him cough, and moreover send jolts of pain through his head.

He found that he really had nothing to complain about, though, not really. It was quite nice, lying in bed, with Elu’s arms around him from behind, watching series they never had the time to watch otherwise. Being sick really did come with benefits, sometimes.