Comments on Three Black Islands

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Idrils Scribe has requested the following types of constructive criticism on this fanwork: Characterization, Conflict, Description/Imagery, Fulfilled Intent, Mood/Tone, Organization/Structure, Pacing, Plot, Point of View, Research, Sensitivity Read, Setting, Spelling, Grammar, and Mechanics, Style, Worldbuilding. All constructive criticism must follow our diplomacy guidelines.

This is terrific writing- the atmosphere is stunningly good, not just the Lossoth encampment but the sensation of being so far North is very convincing. Your characterisation of the Elder is superb- there's a real sense of slightly claustrophobic heat and intensity about that scene , and then so quickly followed by the dogs' sickness and death. Brilliant image of the dogs corpses lying on the ice and Tyelpe's sensation of them running at him. That image will haunt me and I think I will have to come back and read this again several times. This story is so good- original and so well written. Kudos many times.

Thank you so much for these kind comments, Ziggy. They mean a lot to me, especially coming from a fellow writer like you!

I'm very happy to hear that my depiction of the Lossoth and their elder works for you. She represents that classic Halloween trope of the figure standing at the threshold, warning the travelers ‘ahead be monsters, go no further.’ And of course she's Uinen's priestess, so she speaks with the voice of the Valar. 

I had my doubts about killing the dogs - whether it was too harsh even for a horror story. In the end I kept it as Celebrimbor's moral 'event horizon': this was his final chance to realize his mistake. Whether it would've done him any good is a different question. I think Sauron would've killed Celebrimbor if he had seen through the deceit.

And thank you for telling me you liked the image of the dog corpses. I did a fist pump when I read that ❤️

 

how much I enjoyed this

Now Telperinquar notices the patterns on the tent’s walls, dark wave-forms shot through with strands of red seaweed, almost hair-like in its feathered length. The motif returns in the intricate beading of the elder’s parka. Her many necklaces are a wealth of varicoloured shells.

Uinen

And the bargaining for harpoon heads. 

And you are uncompromising in your vision- so we see the malformed seals and see the dogs die- I hate the thought of both but it gives credence to the writing.  

Thanks for remarking on the details and worldbuilding. In my head I've constructed a whole backstory and culture for the Lossoth, inspired by real world Arctic cultures. The Elders is Uinen's representative and she knows that what Annatar and Celebrimbor intend to do is wrong. But winter is harsh and unforgiving and she cannot afford to refuse the harpoon heads...

Thanks for reassuring me about the gory details in this fic. I did hesitate before including them and it's nice to hear that readers appreciate them.

I don't want to pause my reading but have to tell you how brilliant your depiction is of Angband- I have never 'explored' it through either reading or writing it  but I think yours has become head canon for me now. Wonderful idea that Morgoth decorates his fortress with scenes of his 'victories' over the House of Feanor, through his father and son. The horrible creepy mutants are really convincing, and weirdly, Sauron makes me feel better because of course they won't attack HIM!! I almost forgot that Tyelpe doesn't know!! And then Sauron/Annatar was looking a the map, and Tyelpe was thinking he must be an architect- oh god! Sauron isn't even really pretending- or barely! He just wants to get there, retrieve whatever it is he KNOWS is there ....sorry. I am babbling! This was truly chilling - firstly because they are going into Angband and every sense and instinct should be screaming at him to get out!!! And then he is going in with flipping Sauron- lieutenant of Morgoth, werewolf extraordinaire!! Probable torturer of Maitimo, persecutor and murderer of Finrod etc etc....oh Tyelpe. What the bloody hell are you doing! 

You see how you are playing me- terrified as we go into Angband, reassured that Sauron will see off any creepy beasties, and then remembering that Sauron is the creepiest beastie and I should be absolutely terrified of him...

GREAT writing!!

I just remembered I hadn't answered this comment yet. 

It's wonderful to hear that this take on Angband works for you. I tried to imagine what life in Morgoth's stronghold was actually like for his underlings. Like real world leaders, he must have felt a need to influence public opinion among his Orcs and other followers through propaganda, hence lining the main thoroughfare with depictions of his victories.

It's ironic that the only reason Tyelpë is safe from the pale mutants, is that he's with Sauron himself. Sauron wants to keep him alive because he intends to kill Tyelpë later in an even crueler way. I gave myself the creeps with that. 

Again, thank you so much for these comments, coming from a writer like you it means a lot to me. 

Happy writing!