House of Finwë by softmoonlightmelody  

I. Lover - Finwë

Finwë’s never quite known where things went wrong. He remembers his mother’s voice, her song, the way that she’d remind him that love can heal all.

He tried to let love heal all. Finwë loved Fëanáro enough to make up Míriel’s absence in his life, loved Indis for the similar hole in himself. And then he loved his other children enough to make up for the cracks from Fëanáro.

Until his last moments, Finwë believed that everything would eventually be alright. As long as he kept loving, as long as he had faith.

He knows now that was a lie.

II. Best - Míriel Þerindë

Míriel’s worst trait has always been that she wants to do more. Be the best weaver and broideress, be the best queen, have the best child. She certainly succeeded at the last one, but she failed Fëanáro in the process.

Míriel does not regret dying. She does regret her moment of blinding frustration when she shouted she never wanted to come back to life. She does regret all the silences she left Fëanáro and Finwë.

Míriel is ambitious, though. She wanted the best child, the brightest, the most brilliant, and in that, she can say she succeeded in her goal.

III. Mother - Indis

Indis knows what they say of her. Indis also knows what they say of Míriel. It is much the same: they call them both weak mothers, bad wives. Indis supposes it could be true.

Indis was, perhaps, the weakest of mothers, the worst of wives, unable to keep her family together and heal the bleeding wounds into scars. Finwë’s love is the only reason she never lost hope.

Indis is close to two of her children, close to only Findis and Ñolofinwë, and one of them left her. All she has to do, now, is to sit in her regrets.

IV. Inventor - Fëanáro Curufinwë

Fëanáro’s always tried to do his duty. To keep his mother’s memory in his heart, to not forsake her the way his father did. To keep his bitterness towards his father’s choices down, at least enough to make it through a year of time.

He has not failed at the first. He failed rather spectacularly at the second. Let it not be said that he did not try. He left Tirion after Findis’s childhood, before the others. He tried, he did.

It’s just that, in the end, Fëanáro chose his duty to his mother over his duty to his father.

V. Sculptress - Nerdanel Istarnië

Nerdanel was named twice, once by her mother and once by her father. Nerdanel by her father, the manly daughter who was strong and a sculptor and all the things he wished the son he never had could be.

She was named, perhaps more prophetically, by her mother. Istarnië, she who knows tears.

Nerdanel loves Fëanáro. She could not stop him from going too far. He was always going to go too far, she tells herself, trying to assuage the guilt she knows shouldn’t be hers anyways.

She hears the stories. She wouldn’t recognize her sons anymore. She knows tears.

VI. Abandoner - Findis

Findis doesn’t use her name while she studies with Varda. Instead, she uses a generic name – Vardurmë, servant of Varda. If She notices, She does not comment. Findis spends more time with Ilmarë than Varda Herself, anyways.

Findis has always been pious, mostly as a reclamation of her Vanyarin culture. Tirion leaves her feeling scraped dry in a way the more peaceful academics of Valimar don’t care to do, and her alias gives her more merit anyway. Valimar is quieter than Tirion, softer and brighter.

She wakes up to musical bells every day and wonders how her mother could leave.

VII. King - Fingolfin Ñolofinwë Arakáno

Fingolfin makes a good king. Administration comes naturally to him; he understands the flow of diplomacy and trade, how to manipulate the court.

Fingolfin knows he makes a better king than Fëanáro did. Or Fëanor, as it is now. He wonders what his half-brother would think about that.

Fingolfin has always wanted to be king. He’s always known he’d be good at it. Every once in a while, he wonders if it was worth losing Fëanáro, Anairë, Turgon, Aredhel. Every once in a while, he wonders what it would be to be like Fingon, brave and bold and loved unheededly.

VIII. Lady - Anairë

Anairë has always been the perfect lady, the perfect wife, the perfect mother.

And then Valinor Darkens. And then, despite her best efforts, her husband leaves her and her eldest son is a kinslayer and her other children will not stay with her.

Anairë has always tried to be the best she could be for them, to support her husband and her children in all the ways they break the rules she has for herself.

And at the end of the day, when her family has done the unthinkable, Anairë does her own unthinkable: she stays behind. She helps heal.

IX. Wanderer - Lalwen Írimë Lalwendë

Lalwen loves Beleriand. She loves the new places, the maps she can create, and, of course, the fac that Fëanáro isn’t there to hurt all of it, to draw Fingolfin into stoic silence rather than laughter with her.

She knows it isn’t completely fair to blame Fëanáro for all of it, but he has always been the centre of her family’s cracks, and, well, old habits die hard.

But there is one thing Lalwen will never begrudge him: he was right. She loves Beleriand more than she ever loved Valinor. It is harsh, yes, but it is so, so beautiful.

X. Least - Arafinwë Ingoldo

Arafinwë never really wanted to be king. Had never considered it either, with both Fëanáro and Ñolofinwë jockeying for the position of heir.

He lived in Alqualondë, with Eärwen and her brothers as his family. He’ll always be the odd one out, with his gold hair to his siblings’ raven black.

And so, of course, he’s the one who got left behind. His siblings, his mother, his father, his children. Even his wife, who he thought would always be by his side, although he can understand her forsaking him.

Arafinwë accepts the title of king and does what he can.

XI. Healer - Eärwen

Eärwen does not have time to be livid. She is, of course. How could her children go with the ones who killed her people?

And now her brothers and her mother are dead. Eärwen does not have the time to mourn. Her father has fallen apart; after losing Elmo and Elwë, he has little to lose anymore.

Eärwen’s husband becomes king in Tirion. Eärwen becomes the steward of Alqualondë. She spares thought for her children when she can. She wonders if Beleriand is as beautiful as her father sometimes mutters.

But she has work to do, and none can help.

XII. Last - Faniel

Faniel is, perhaps, the second Amanya to have one parent. The first being her brother Fëanáro, of course. He had only Finwë; she has only Indis.

It is fitting, Faniel supposes, that the story of Finwë and Míriel and Indis ends the same as it began: a child with one parent, grieving the loss of the other.

She wonders if Finwë ever regretted leaving Formenos and therefore her behind. The people, excepting Findis, whisper that she will be like Fëanáro, warn Indis not to remarry.

Faniel has decided she will not be like Fëanáro. She has no love for Finwë.

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XII. Diplomat - Maedhros Nelyafinwë Maitimo Russandol

Maedhros believed in the Oath for the entirety of his life. He may have done terrible things for it, but the Oath was right to make.

Out of all his siblings, Maedhros was closest to his grandfather. Oh, Curufin was Finwë’s favourite, but that doesn’t matter.

So Maedhros understood the Oath and the grief behind it. He jumped up to swear the Oath first, ready to avenge Finwë and hurt Morgoth as much as he could.

It’s only when he actually gets the Silmaril that Maedhros realizes exactly who he’s become. He’s a monster, now. It was not worth it.

XIII. Minstrel - Maglor Kánafinwë Makalaurë

Maglor has never really been a minstrel. Really, it’s Daeron’s job; Maglor is happy being the best singer even if he isn’t the best minstrel.

That doesn’t mean he isn’t a minstrel. The First Kinslaying was so much, that Maglor realized he had to preserve history somehow. He couldn’t let himself run away from it.

But he kept doing it. He kept kinslaying, knowing it was wrong. The Second Kinslaying was planned, but by then they were all so used to death and battle it felt… permissible.

What’s the difference between an orc and an elf? Maglor couldn’t tell you.

XIV. Hunter - Celegorm Turkafinwë Tyelkormo

Celegorm has not always reveled in the hunt. Particularly, he hates that moment when you’ve caught your prey but are yet to kill them.

Relevantly, Celegorm can talk to animals.

He’s never fully understood what makes it okay to kill animals but not okay to kill elves, and the uncomfortable (for most) reminder that orcs are very, very similar to elves does not help.

Celegorm has always known that elves and other animals (because elves are animals, too) don’t have much separation at all. It’s not speech so much as type of speech.

Relevantly, kinslaying is not difficult for him.

XV. Misunderstood - Caranthir Morifinwë Carnistir

Caranthir’s usually quiet. It usually makes everyone think he’s mature over anything else.

It’s usually a good thing, being the mature one. Unlike Maglor, who’s loud and passionate but most definitely most mature, Caranthir is quiet. He doesn’t talk unless he wants to.

Another point of immaturity: Caranthir is rash. He knows that, knows the way that words can bite and wields that well, even to his detriment.

Perhaps that immaturity is why he so rashly decides to kinslay, why he falls even further for Doriath’s Silmaril.

Perhaps he shouldn’t have let Celegorm convince him. He always would have, though.

XVI. Smith - Curufin Curufinwë Atarinkë

Curufin is used to defining himself by others. His father’s son, Celegorm’s brother, Celebrimbor’s father.

It didn’t feel stifling until he was reembodied. Fëanáro’s callousness is remembered. Celegorm’s ambition is remembered. Celebrimbor’s kindness is remembered. Of Curufin, he is simply a combination of the three; kind in Aman, callous and ambitious as Beleriand wore away their fine edges.

He could live with it. Really, he could. But he wears his father’s face and his son’s face, and it crushes him, feels unescapable even as he watches the mirror for answers.

Five years after he’s reembodied, Curufin cuts his hair short.

XVII. Yearner - Amrod Pityafinwë Ambarto

Ambarto doesn’t like the name Umbarto. The story comes out in whispers from Makalaurë, who is much too responsible to not let Ambarto know his ‘true’ amilessë. He doesn’t like that he, of all his brothers, has a name that reminds of doom.

Ambarto thinks that means he understands his father the most. Fëanáro is a wildfire, so clearly knowing that things are not going to last.

So he leaves with his father to Endor and misses his mother. Ambarto doesn’t blame his father for his death; he sees that everyone eventually finds their ends, especially his father, especially him.

XVIII. Madman - Amras Telufinwë Ambarussa

The truth is that, by the Third Kinslaying, Amras was quite mad. Amrod’s death broke something in him, the part of him that was Amrod, as much as both of them disliked that. And then his three elder brothers, Celegorm and Caranthir and Curufin, and suddenly it was just him and the always iron-clad Maedhros and Maglor.

The truth is that, by the Third Kinslaying, Amras was quite lonely. He had almost no one left. He didn’t intend to die in Sirion, but when he did, he died with a smile on his face.

Amrod was ready for his death.

XIX. Hero - Fingon Findekáno

Fingon had always tried to be brave and do what’s right. He was the hero between him and his father. The king and the king’s champion.

His father held duties and diplomacies necessary to keep the kingdom running, but Fingon went into battle and fought and killed countless orcs. Fingon was never very good at politics.

It probably wasn’t a good idea, to let Maedhros handle the formation of the Union. They even named it after Maedhros, even though Fingon was High King.

Fingon quieted the disquiet in him. Nonetheless, still he tried to be king and died for it.

XX. Executioner - Turgon Turukáno

Turgon has never been cruel. His brother was valiant, he was wise. But wisdom has a way of forgetting to bow to others, a way of forgetting that others have wisdom also.

Turgon often wonders what would have happened if he’d just have let Eöl leave. Aredhel had some love for him, misliked much the idea of his death. Yet Turgon cannot understand cruelty to want a child with them for everything, despite the child’s choice.

But he carved the laws into stone long ago: you cannot leave the city of singing stones. And he intended to keep that law.

XXI. Remembered - Elenwë

Elenwë wasn’t supposed to be remembered, she doesn’t think. A quiet death, forgotten by the history books unless Turukáno forced the matter. And he did. She loves that he did.

But she also doesn’t understand Gondolin. They left Valinor and Tirion behind for a reason; why recreate it? Why trap everyone in it?

She is strong, too, in a way many forget. She gave birth on the Ice, held her daughter under the stars and danced around the crackling ice. She sacrificed her life for her daughter, but that did not make her weak.

Elenwë hates being seen as weak.

XXII. Prisoner - Aredhel Írissë Ar-Feiniel

Aredhel hated Valinor. There was always this muted feeling of being caged, that she could not reach beyond and grasp the entire world in her fingers.

That’s what she liked about Beleriand: the possibility. But Beleriand became just Gondolin, and then Gondolin became just Nan Elmoth, and finally she went to the ultimate prison: the Halls of Mandos.

She loved Eöl, she did. But it wasn’t enough for either of them, as Maeglin’s childhood widened their differences, as she stayed in Nan Elmoth without leaving.

He took them both to death. A last binding of marriage, maybe. One last prison.

XXIII. Master - Eöl

Eöl has never let himself bend to others. He resisted becoming a Maia of some Vala, resisted becoming an Úmaia despite the allure that Melkor appears to have.

All except for Nan Elmoth. Despite Melian, Nan Elmoth is Eöl’s. The trees respond to him and no one else.

Perhaps it is fate, then, that he meets Aredhel there. No one else dares venture except her, and something about her draws Eöl towards her light.

He has never particularly liked light before.

But he understands her need to be free. He does not realize he’ll be another one of her prisons.

XXIV. First - Argon Arakáno

Arakáno never thought he’d be the first to die of his siblings. Well, he didn’t think he’d be second or third last, either, he just never thought he would die.

Arakáno, admittedly, did not have a valiant death. Died in the first minutes of an hourlong battle, unable to fight even to save one person.

He is not mourned that way, but only because he is a prince. Arakáno has always felt overtaken by his older siblings, and as the first dead, he will never find his own light.

He is reembodied, before everyone else except Finrod. Then he disappears.

XXV. Friend - Finrod Findaráto Ingoldo

Finrod’s reembodiment comes at the price of an unfamiliarity with the world. It’s weird how the war hasn’t touched Valinor. Valinor struggled, with the economic crash and famine, but the Valar were there and the Valar picked them up.

The Valar didn’t help when Turgon left Vinyamar. Finrod’s become so used to living without the Valar.

He supposes that’s what he tried to be to the Men, be a sort of Vala-figure, someone watching over them. That’s why he took in Curufin and Celegorm and their people.

He understands Manwë, now. He understands why Manwë chose to forgive his brother.

XXVI. Abandoned - Amarië

Amarië, for all that she loves, knows that she has never been loved as much in turn. She’s always been markedly marred in a place where being marred was scorned.

She found community, found others born without limbs or hearing or sight. Or others just considered marred in some abstract way, like the prince Fëanáro.

Through Fëanáro’s easy acceptance came her friendship with Findaráto. Except now he’s Finrod, because he left her too, became someone intrinsically altered.

Amarië is a Vanya, but she knows the Ñoldor are cursed with ambition. Her Ingoldo is no different, but they find love again.

XXVII. Fool - Angrod Angaráto

Angrod has never quite been able to let go of anger. He’s justified, he knows, after what the Fëanorions did in Alqualondë. Sometimes he can still smell the blood mixed with salt in the wind.

He feels angry all the time, since Alqualondë, since Edhellos died in an unremarkable orc attack. Maybe he should hold back his tongue for diplomacy, but Angrod’s never been a good liar—especially at lies of omission.

Perhaps that makes him foolish. He’s too angry to care, most days, but he wonders—and one of those times was the one he sent Orodreth away on.

XXVIII. Wife - Edhellos Eldalótë

Edhellos knows she won’t be remembered by history. Angrod is barely remembered, Edhellos even less.

She doesn’t want to be remembered that way. Her craft has long been medicine, healing those who have been written off by other healers. She likes to take the worst and give them hope, even if it doesn’t last. Especially if it doesn’t last. It’s enough if she gives it her best shot, she hopes.

Edhellos knows she’ll be written off as the wife of Angrod in history books. In medicine books, though, she hopes she can make something out of herself and be remembered.

XXIX. Mourner - Aegnor Ambaráto Aikanáro

Aegnor still misses Andreth. He’s been in the Halls for decades, for centuries, for millennia. It all bleeds into a gray mess, now.

Andreth’s still gone. He’s never going to see her again. Aegnor saw her once, in the throng of Men passing through the Halls and not yet since.

He has little for company, now. Finwë, Indis, and Míriel trade out staying in and out of the Halls, giving each other all time to be with the other two. Fëanáro, also.

They all want him to leave. Not permanently, but to see the sun again. He’s approaching convinced, slowly.

XXX. Survivor - Galadriel Artanis Nerwen

Galadriel has always been ambitious. As one of two daughters, Galadriel needed the world to listen to her as it listened to her brothers and cousins. She was determined to make it listen.

Beleriand had a different fate in mind. Galadriel, as far-seeing as she has always been, saw only death and destruction in the stars.

Sometimes, she wonders if it’s her fault, her inaction.

But Galadriel grew and learned and she believes herself a good ruler now, just and wise. And she is tired and ready to depart. She’ll miss Celeborn, but she wishes to see her family again.

XXXI. Explorer - Celeborn

Celeborn loves the sun and the moon, but he misses Beleriand before them. He misses the bright, brilliant stars, the permanently twilit trees.

He wonders if Balanor will have anything to compare. He’s heard from Glorfindel that the sun and moon make a pseudo-Mingling, and he wonders how it may look in Galadriel’s hair. Enough people have spoken of it; Celeborn is curious.

But Celeborn’s not ready to let Ennor go. Ennor is beautiful; death and life and change constantly marring its borders. Maybe someday, he’ll let it go. For now, though, Celeborn wants to see more, wants to stay.

Chapter End Notes

sorry for the late update. my life got really busy and also i hurt my wrist for three weeks.

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