And death would be his reward by Myrcella1  

Fanwork Notes

First, the names, because they matter here.

Maitimo means “well-shaped/well-formed” and is connected to Maedhros beauty.
Neylafinwë is his paternal name, while Maedhros is the Sindarin name he takes after being
rescued. Russandol is (here) the private, intimate name shared by Fingon and Maedhros.
The use of these names is very deliberate. Maedhros himself thinks of them very differently,
and his narration reflects that. In particular, he is not a reliable judge of himself. A lot of what
he thinks about his own worth, his body and what he deserves is deliberately distorted. If
Maedhros is convinced of something, that does not necessarily mean the story agrees with
him.

Fingon's use of Russandol is partly meant to show this difference in perspective. He knows
Maedhros no longer likes being called Neylafinwë or Maitimo, but old habits- especially
affectionate ones- die hard. Maitimo was once also a name Fingon used because he genuinely
thought Maedhros was beautiful.

A huge part of what I wanted to explore was captivity without visible bars. I wasn't
particularly interested in keeping Maedhros in a dark dungeon for the entire story. I was
much more interested in what happens when captivity can also contain comfort, routine,
privileges, unpredictability and dependence, and when the boundaries between coercion and
what appears to be “choice” become increasingly difficult to see.

The ideas about Elvish sexuality, the relationship between fëa and hröa, and the perceived
impossibility of sexual violence among Elves are my own headcanons rather than claims
about Tolkiens canon so chill out. I wanted Maedhros to encounter something that wasn't
only horrific, but also fundamentally incompatible with the way he had previously
understood the world.

The story is also deliberately very subjective. There are things Maedhros believes about
himself that I don't necessarily expect the reader to believe with him. Some of the most
important parts of the story are probably hidden in the distance between what Maedhros
thinks is happening and what the reader can see happening.
And finally, Fingon.

I love the idea that love can be extraordinarily powerful without being magical. Fingon can
love Maedhros completely and still misunderstand him. He can desperately want to help and
still not know what helping actually looks like. Loving someone does not automatically give
you access to their trauma, their thoughts, or the right way to reach them.
Basically, this is a story about trauma, control, identity, and the ways in which a person can
slowly lose the ability to distinguish their own voice from the things they have been taught to
believe about themselves.

Content/Trigger Warnings: sexual assault and sexual exploitation, explicit suicidal thoughts,
captivity, psychological abuse and manipulation, trauma, references to torture, physical
violence, disability and chronic pain, body-image issues, sexual dysfunction, shame
surrounding sexuality, and themes of coercion and loss of bodily autonomy. Please take care
of yourselves while reading.

Fanwork Information

Summary: Step 1: Drink way too much wine. Step 2: Try to sleep with Finno. Step 3: Watch your brilliant plan turn into an absolute, heartbreaking disaster. Major Characters: Maedhros, Fingon Major Relationships: Fingon/Maedhros Genre: Drama Challenges: Rating: Adult Warnings: Expletive Language, In-Universe Intolerance, In-Universe Queerphobia/LGBTQIA+ Intolerance, Mature Themes, Rape/Nonconsensual Sex, Sexual Content (Mild), Suicide, Torture, Violence (Graphic)
Chapters: 1	Word Count: 20, 372
Posted on 30 October 2026	Updated on 30 October 2026
This fanwork is complete.