Comments on No Matter the Cost

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Hi. :) I rather liked this drabble. I like the theme of it, it is not teh msot explored time of elven hitory and therefor more fascinating in my opinion.

You did a good job with it.

However I hope you do not mind if I give you a couple of opinions on where, for me personally, the rythm of this drabble felt a  bit jarring.

"A flotilla of white sails bloomed around us..." I would personally have chosed "billowed" rather than "bloomed", it is I am sure a personal choice although to me billowed would have flowed better. I would also have chosen "beneath the stars" rather than "under the starlight". I find again that beneath would have benefited the rythm better and I find the -light in starlight slightly superflous and ado feel that it would have read better without it.

In the line "flickering light like a living being" I would suggest changing it into "their lights flickering like living beings" or even "like living creatures" once again for the sake of rythm and tightness.

The last word I personally found slightly jarring was "gross" and I would suggest to exchaning it for "grotesque" or possibly "crass".

Thank you for sharing this lovely drabble. I really did find it enjoyable.



Hi,

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I am glad you enjoyed it. I think I chose 'bloomed' because it felt, to me, more indicative of a sudden overwhelming action, going from no sails to full sails, more an explosion instead of an expansion of something that was already there. But I could work on making that more clear (I swear, it's clear in my head, heh!). I very much like the exchange of 'grotesque' for 'gross'.

It is a big change for me, living with these drabbles in my head, and then getting a reader's reaction. Again, thank you for sharing your suggestions, I appreciate it.

 

Ah Curufin, one can only wonder what it will do to a character to hear the laments on the wind. Now we only have to wait for the fury of Osse to be unleashed on that fleet once she hears of the kinslaying. This drabble feels like a pause of silence before the storm. Great imagery, the previous reader had some good points and I learnt that flotilla is a different word for small fleet :)

Thanks for the comment. I haven't found much info yet that deals with the period between Alqualonde and when they reach Middle-earth, so it would be great to explore that time. What did they do? Did it really take 19 years to cross, as I read somewhere? Did they invent shuffleboard to pass the time?

 :D