Founded in 2005, the Silmarillion Writers' Guild exists for discussions of and creative fanworks based on J.R.R. Tolkien's The Silmarillion and related texts. We are a positive-focused and open-minded space that welcomes fans from all over the world and with all levels of experience with Tolkien's works. Whether you are picking up Tolkien's books for the first time or have been a fan for decades, we welcome you to join us!
Erestor lay up against a tree, brown washed to black in the wet of the snow. The black disc of the new moon sailed across the dark sky. Erestor wished it were gone. He had no need to look into dark eyes any longer.
He was dying.
(AKA Erestor unwittingly travels back in time to the…
Fëanor shrugged, studying the contents of his wine glass. “Something must be done about that house. It will fall down eventually.” “It does not follow that it must be you that tears it down single-handedly. Are you sure you do not want help?” “It’s not as though I…
This is my new poetical attempt to add my own interpretation to Tolkien's Cosmology as to Eru's Creation and the Valar's minds and behind-the-scene providence reasons and mechanisms.. I often review Eä as part of our own world, just in another dimension, this is why I have always seriously…
Concerned by his responses to the paraphernalia of healing, Fingon steals Maedhros from his room for an impromptu garden excursion. Maedhros battles with dark thoughts.
Rescued from a brutal Angband hunt, an ex-thrall with a strange and powerful artifact embedded in his spine is brought to Himring, for it is one of the only places in Beleriand which welcomes such folk. Though he has no memories of his life before, Anniavas slowly becomes accustomed to his new…
Expanding on my 2018 article "Why People Don't Comment," comment data from the SWG underscores community as an essential component to a robust commenting culture.
By definition, fanworks fandom does not draw a lot of boundaries, but community archives and events have taken a strong stance against AI-generated fanworks due to ethical considerations and member input.
In a book as full of death as the Quenta Silmarillion, grief and mourning are surprisingly absent. The characters who receive grief and mourning—and those who don't—appear to do so due to narrative bias. Grief and mourning (or a lack of them) serve to draw attention toward and away from objectionable actions committed by characters.
Bilbo, the strange old hobbit with the wandering feet, senses something special in young Frodo the first time he sees the lad; as they become close, they find in each other a cameraderie not well understood by other hobbits. Five poignant moments between Bilbo and Frodo Baggins over the course…
A Chieftain is dead. And whilst the events surrounding his death are unclear, a son tries to come to terms with his loss.
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Tolkien Gen Week 2026
Tolkien Gen Week will run from July 6-12, 2026 to appreciate all of the incredible characters and relationships within Tolkien’s legendarium that fall under the broad category of “gen.”
Tolkien Disability Pride 2026
This Tumblr event focuses on ALL creative works focusing on disability in Tolkien's universe.
Scribbles and Drabbles 2026
Scribbles & Drabbles is a fic and art exchange with a minimum word count of 100 words.
The Silmarillion Writers' Guild is more than just an archive--we are a community! If you enjoy a fanwork or enjoy a creator's work, please consider letting them know in a comment.
I think it is a scream and very clever. I think my favorite line is "it's a little tight in crotch." That is so funny. And the response to it as well. Those lines and the straw episode. Using Fingon as the punch-line there cracks me up every time I read it. Sorry if I embarrassed you by making you post it. If you didn’t want to share, you should have written such an hilarious, irreverent piece.
It was supposed to be a "badfic" remember? lol But I'm glad you like it so much. And I had to throw Fingon in there just for you. *grin* Thanks for liking it and thanks for thinking it's good enough to post.
My laptop's monitor is now Jackson Pollocked with today's coffee. This is -- in a word -- hootworthy. "Looking boffo" (I love that term) and the Tapestry Accident sent me over th edge.
I'm glad oshun convinced you to post this. This is a perfectly hilarious addition to your comic compendium of "The Unbearable Smugness of Being (Fëanor)," "Texas Gay Boy..." "Elven Legends," and "A Boy and His Lob," all of which have done happy damage to my computer's monitor.
Thanks Pandemonium! I've always thought of Glorfindel as a "boffo" kinda guy. Apparently Namo thought so too. *wink wink, nudge nudge* As always, I appreciate your comments and I'm glad you have the same weird sense of humor as me. ;-)
Oh dear, I am not sure if I can point out what the best part is... from the bodychamber thing to a sort of CPR where Fëar are being put back in the body, it all had me giggling madly. I love this concept and it's just once more so well executed!
Oshun nominated it already for the mefa's, but that was my first thought after I read it :) Congrats!
I figured Namo had to have some way to reembody those Elves and if he has a chamber, he has a lot more leisure time for tea and stuff. :-) Thanks for your comments, Rhapsody, I'm glad you like it. And I appreciate your thought on the MEFA's as well.
Ok, I did already review this on fanfiction.net, but I couldn’t help reading it again... and it’s just as funny the second time. You were quite creative with thinking up ways for him to die. My favorite bits were probably when he said “It’s a little tight in the crotch,” and the ending – “Ever try to feed jerky to a Warg?” Ingenious, truly. :D
I appreciate your review on FFN, Feta, and thanks so much for commenting here as well. I was about to run out of ways to kill Glorfindel, that's why it's so short. lol I'm glad the story gave you a laugh. It's silly but kinda fun. Thanks again.
You know, I think Glorfindel had an ulterior motive too. He sure didn't try very hard to stay out of trouble, did he? ;-) Thanks for your comments, Whitewave, I appreciate them.
I wanted to leave a copy of your MEFA review on here so you had it with the story =)
I think it is safe to say that Ignoble Bard is carving out his own path in the Silmarillion humor category. After reading his hysterical 'The Unbeatable Smugness of Being Feanor', I knew he had a somewhat twisted sense of humor (Which I LOVE btw) and this story did not disappoint. Its rare to find someone who writes so well and at the same time is so dang funny! He is the George Carlin of the Simarillion Fanfiction. Writing about Glorfindel's death, repeated death rather, was perfect - made the elf lord seem a little less perfect. And not many of his deaths were something to be proud of either. I keep thinking of mother's warnings about 'we can't have nice things'. Apparently wtih Glorfindel he 'can't have a great body'. Even the title is hysterical - I keep hearing the song in my head!
Wow, Alassante, this is awesome! Thanks for your comments and thanks for your vote. It's kind of overwhelming and touching that this story is getting such a good response. I can't thank you enough. The comparison to George Carlin is a welcome compliment as well, especially in light of his recent passing. I very much appreciate that. "We can't have nice things" ROFL My mom used to say the same to us. I guess it was true, we were pretty rambuctious. I didn't know if anyone would remember the song. I'm glad you do. :-)
OMG i really laughed my ass off reading this one (excuse the language)
no dangerous sea voyages for you! you are forbidden to shower ever again! xDDDDDD
and the last scene with the bonzai, i can *see* it in front of my eyes, it's so anime and manga like, too! xD (never mind how bonzais came to valinor xDDD)
Aren't all the plants and animals ever represented in Valinor? lol I liked the idea of Namo tying to find ways to relax and Glorfindel popping up and disturbing him. I've known a few people like that. Always calling when you're in the shower or whatever. Thanks for commenting. I really appreciate it.
Thanks for your comments, Ling. I'm glad it's a story you continue to enjoy, and I appreciate you commenting to let me know. It was a fun one to write.
Comments on I Ain't Got No Body
The Silmarillion Writers' Guild is more than just an archive--we are a community! If you enjoy a fanwork or enjoy a creator's work, please consider letting them know in a comment.