A Stolen Gift by Flora-lass

I sing, and you sleep,

As I hold you close and hate myself.

For we are the cause of your nightmares

But you accept my comfort.

I sing and you sleep

As I watch our brothers share their pain.

Yours still weeps softly, and mine silently

(though he does not know I see).

I sing and you sleep

As I think of the twins who are gone.

You are a stolen gift, so undeserved,

Yet how could we not love you?

I sing and you sleep

As I dream of a life with no Oath.

For you I wish no more sorrow

Only music and learning, and laughter in the snow.

I cease, and you stir

So I stroke your hair, and wonder

why you are not afraid of me.

You have found something I thought was lost.

You smile, and I am sure

that I could never hurt you.

Oh, I pray it may be so!

But I am doomed, and who now will listen?

Chapter End Notes

(Of all the reasons Maedhros has to weep, on this occasion he's thinking about Fingon, and how the twins are far more closely related to him and how much he would have loved them...)

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It's so good to hear them laugh. The twins of course, but Maglor most of all - I don't know when he last sounded like this. Normally he's just too worried about everything. And he barely sleeps (well, nor do I, but anyway…) The twins often have nightmares, and Elrond only ever wants Maglor - it's the singing, of course. No one's ever loved Maglor's singing as much as Elrond, and that's saying something. But as soon as Maglor stops, he cries again - it's exhausting! Elros tends to want to be left alone when he's upset, although he'll tolerate my presence sometimes - I don't fuss as much as Maglor does. They're so different, these twins - not nearly as alike as our twin brothers were. And there I go, comparing them again, when I promised myself I wouldn't…

Anyway, this morning there was snow, for the first time since Elrond and Elros came to us, and they’re still young enough to find it exciting. So here we are. I'm standing guard and trying not to get involved, but every so often I can't help but look round (and the sounds alone are heart-warming, in any case). But it isn't me who should be hearing them. I don't deserve it. And others should be here, who aren't…

There's some kind of snow-creature being built, and Elrond is complaining about being too hot in all the layers Maglor insisted he wear, and Elros is directing operations (as he does tend to - I know a future leader when I see one).

And now there actually seems to be a snowball fight! We know we have to be so careful about any sort of play-fighting; the twins haven't long stopped being scared of me, and it wouldn't take much to undo all the progress we've made. But Elrond has thrown a snowball straight at Maglor, which really surprises me - he's usually so gentle! He’s getting over-excited, with all this freedom that we often can't allow them. But oh, the laughter! Maglor is clearly delighted. But he'll have to part with them one day, and already I can't bear it on his behalf; never mind how I feel about it myself…

I have a feeling I'm going to be the next target. No one lived with Amrod and Amras for long without developing eyes in the back of their head. I don't want to turn round too soon and spoil anyone's fun, so I gaze fixedly into the distance - and sure enough - splat!!

I whirl around dramatically - and, just as I thought, there's Elros grinning up at me, with Elrond hovering anxiously behind him. I must look more fierce than I intended, though, because Elrond looks alarmed and goes running back to Maglor - but Elros stands his ground, with a determined stare.

‘Come and play with us!’ he says, and I can't quite decide if it's a request or a command!

‘I have to keep you safe, little one,’ I say.

There's a frown. ‘Don't call me that!’

‘Your pardon, Lord Elros,’ I say, with a bow. ‘But you can't deny that I'm much older and taller than you.’

‘You're taller than everyone!’ he grumbles. ‘But anyway, there's no one for miles around, anyone can see that! Why don't you come and throw snowballs? I bet you're really good at it!

I used to be, once, when I had both my hands. Oh, my brothers…and my cousins…

Maglor’s stopped laughing now - he always knows how I'm feeling. But Elrond has recovered from his fright, and comes bounding up.

‘He needs his hand for more important things,’ he tells his brother, firmly. ‘Come and see our snow-being instead!’ And he grabs my hand and tugs, so I give in and go with him, Elros trailing after us.

How did you know, little one? And if I need that hand to protect you, I'm going to have to let you go…but I can't bring myself to pull away.

‘That is a truly excellent - snow-being!’ I exclaim. ‘But what is it, exactly?’

‘It can be anything you like!’ Elros says. ‘Elrond and I are lots of things, so the snow-being is, too.’

‘Maglor did a lot of the work,’ Elrond admits.

What I can't help noticing is that it's wearing Elrond's hat and mittens. Maglor always worries about the twins being warm enough, and with Elros at least he's right to be - but Elrond never seems to feel the cold. I have to check, though.

‘Are you sure you don't need those?’ I ask, just as Maglor arrives with Elrond's scarf, found lying abandoned on the snow. He's wearing gloves to set a good example, but it hasn't worked with Elrond!

‘You really should be wearing this,’ he says, ‘but it's too wet now, so the snow-being may as well have it to complete the outfit. But at least do your coat up, Elrond, please. And run around a bit more, before we go inside. You too, Elros!’

Elrond obeys, somewhat reluctantly. Elros looks almost as tidy as when we came out - hat, scarf and mittens all neatly in place, coat tightly fastened. He has such a presence, and likes everything to be ordered! Elrond is less in control, but I'm beginning to realise how much he understands.

They chase about for a while longer, shrieking and tumbling over each other, and Maglor and I stand and watch - but in the end, Maglor can't help but join in again. Then Elros trips and twists his knee, and puts on a brave face; but he accepts Maglor's offered hug, and the snowball fight and the laughter resume.

Oh, my brother, you're still so good! How do you do it? You so deserve the joy these twins bring you. But you don't deserve the heartache that will surely follow.

At least we'll have days of laughter like this to remember. But I’ll never forget those other twins, who were lost in the snow and I never found. 

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