For What I Wait by Dawn Felagund

Fanwork Information

Summary:

For Hannah, an "AU in which Fëanor outlives all of his children." Fëanor and Maglor, together at the end. MEFA 2008 nominee.

Major Characters: Fëanor, Maglor

Major Relationships:

Artwork Type: No artwork type listed

Genre: Drama, General

Challenges: Gift of a Story

Rating: Teens

Warnings: Suicide, Character Death, Mature Themes

This fanwork belongs to the series

To Give in Return
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1, 209
Posted on 1 December 2007 Updated on 1 December 2007

This fanwork is complete.

Table of Contents

For What I Wait

This story is for Hannah, and it certainly doesn't brim with cheer … but she asked for it! That is, an "AU in which Fëanor outlives all of his children." :)

Comments

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People will probably be annoyed with me when I say that I wasn\'t sure if this story worked when first I wrote it. But then, I\'ve gotten three separate confessions of tears, so maybe it did. ;)

Thank you, Tarion, for the review (and for the postcard, which is sitting on my desk as we speak type!) *hugs*

Former SWG user

16 years 5 months ago

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I've read this again and I am tearing up again, it's like a knife in the heart. I do not know why I must read stories which reduce me to tears, but they are the only one's which touch my soul, and somehow, I cannot stop. This has to go on my favorites for its sheer tragic beauty which is so '' Silmarillion. ''

Wow, I\'m so honored! Thank you! *squee* I\'m that way too, though, about wanting to read and reread stories and books that make me cry. Actually, last night, I was driving home from dinner with my husband, and a Christmas song came on the radio that always makes me cry. You\'d think I\'d turn off the radio when it comes on or at least talk over it. Nope ... the radio was left on and conversation *stopped* (which is a feat because my husband and I are both first-class yammerers which ... erm ... I\'m afraid I\'m demonstrating in this reply). But I love that song, in part because it can move me to tears.

For me, it\'s the desire to experience all emotions that keeps me coming back to stories that torment me to tears. ;) I\'m lucky to have a comfortable and happy life, and it\'s a reminder of that ... and it\'s also good \"practice\" for writing sad stuff too, I\'ll admit. ;)

Thank you again!

Your beginning statements "We use the old tongue with each other, even in this new world where our people have been relegated to myth. I keep my ears covered with a hat when I go out of the house. The brightness of my eyes they attribute to sorrow; "Fëanor Full of Tears" they call me." - make me wonder just how far in the future or in what kind of AU this is set. "Fëanor Full of Tears" has an almost religious ring to it, as do the allusions to purification later on. - But whatever world or universe this is set in, it works well to introduce that almost surreal voice - very fitting for elves, relegated to myth - and more so for the greatest of them. 

I'm not sure what else to say... the story is heartbreaking. Despite that despair he has fled himself into, it is not only Macalaure who has suffered so much, Feanor certainly seems to have been around as well - though he probably won't be there much longer if the role reversal (or not quite, since nobody is there to assume Feanor's role as the parent and caretaker) in the end is any indication.  

The song, or poem - haunting, beautiful, and fitting. In style, meter and theme it reminds me of Tolkien's "The Last Ark" - 

The old darkness beyond the stars falling upon fallen towers.

- and still not quite as hopeless. Waiting, after all, implies that there is going to be some sort of return, even for the Feanoreans. 

I think this (like "Hazard", "One Last Wish" and "Rekindling") is going to stay with me for a while. Thank you for sharing it.

Former SWG user

16 years 5 months ago

Permalink

This made me weep. I don't brim over easily, but I have to say that of all the books or stories that I have read, only those which move me to tears do I place on a pedestal above all others. There aren't many. The Silmarillion is one, I cry through most of the First Age. And this is another. Poignant, sorrowful, heart-wrenching, truly excellent.

Wow, I\'m so honored! Thank you! *squee* I\'m that way too, though, about wanting to read and reread stories and books that make me cry. Actually, last night, I was driving home from dinner with my husband, and a Christmas song came on the radio that always makes me cry. You\'d think I\'d turn off the radio when it comes on or at least talk over it. Nope ... the radio was left on and conversation *stopped* (which is a feat because my husband and I are both first-class yammerers which ... erm ... I\'m afraid I\'m demonstrating in this reply). But I love that song, in part because it can move me to tears.

For me, it\'s the desire to experience all emotions that keeps me coming back to stories that torment me to tears. ;) I\'m lucky to have a comfortable and happy life, and it\'s a reminder of that ... and it\'s also good \"practice\" for writing sad stuff too, I\'ll admit. ;)

Thank you again!

Thanks, Binka!

It\'s funny ... I wasn\'t really pleased with this story when I wrote it. I\'m not that comfortable with AU, and I just felt that I didn\'t quite nail the story how I wanted. But it\'s gotten such a nice response so far that I feel I\'ve been given an unexpected gift! I\'m surely not complaining. :)

Once I gave him life, why not again? Why should a parent be made to watch his child die when his own life blazes unchecked?

It's so heartbreaking to think of Maglor actually losing his voice, and still more that once-powerful Fëanor is so helpless while watching his son die. 

I have kept the fire high and piled him with furs and quilts, yet still he shivers

*sigh*  It's a pity Fëanor didn't know what we do now about controlling fever. He might've saved his son.

tossed to the dirt and crushed beneath one's foot. Even when his feet had naught beneath him

I liked the association you've made here, from . It feels appropriately stream-of-conscious to me, exactly the way one thought would trigger another tangential one. It should be "beneath them", though.