you're in the wind, i'm in the water by atlantablack

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Fanwork Notes

Content Warnings:

  • PTSD 
  • passive suicidal ideation
  • discussion of childhood trauma
  • canon typical violence (not explicitly graphic but details given)

fic title is from Chemtrails Over The Country Club by Lana Del Rey

originally posted February 2025 on AO3

 

Fanwork Information

Summary:

Fingolfin feels like part of him is still stuck in Beleriand, blood on his teeth and an all-consuming anger splintering out of control. Like he'll blink and once again see Morgoth's foot coming down. He wants. What does he want? He does not wish to be dead. He is, he supposes, grateful for this chance to fix things as much as they can be fixed. But he wants.

He wants for Fëanor to know him. Wants to work through all the ugly words and acts of violence that had divided them and come out the other side better for it. He cannot throw all the scathing anger in his chest at a brother who does not understand. Cannot scream at this Fëanor for burning the boats, for leaving them to the ice, for Elenwë, for Arakáno, for the countless others who had followed him and paid for it. And so what is he meant to do with the anger? He cannot swallow it all down forever and also salvage his relationship with Fëanor in this new song.

He wants, he thinks, watching a potter unmake a bowl that was marred, to un-sing himself as well.

Major Characters: Fingolfin, Fëanor

Major Relationships: Fëanor & Fingolfin, Fëanor & Finarfin & Findis & Fingolfin & Lalwen, Fingolfin & Finwë, Fingolfin & Indis

Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Family, Hurt/Comfort

Challenges:

Rating: Teens

Warnings: Check Notes for Warnings
Chapters: 6 Word Count: 38, 954
Posted on 15 March 2025 Updated on 12 May 2025

This fanwork is a work in progress.

Show all chapters on a single page

Table of Contents

1. guess I'm feeling unmoored

chapter title is from evermore by Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver

2. maybe you're a goner / maybe I survived

chapter title is from Spider Bites by The Gaslight Anthem

3. i swear i'm gonna die on my feet

chapter title is from Sunoco by X Ambassadors

4. tonight you're thinking of cities under crowns of snow

confession: I did not properly comprehend how the calendar system during the years of the trees worked until like 500 words into this chapter..... which I'm belatedly realizing makes the previous three loops cover a larger time span than was going on in my head but it doesn't technically counteract anything I wrote so we're going to ignore that. But if you at some point you feel like the loops start covering more time that would be why.

chapter title is from the poem Seaside Improvisation by Richard Siken

5. the dead don't die, the heart still beats

thetiredprometheus made fanart for the scene at the end of the previous chapter and I have been crying about it!! <3 

chapter title is from Dead Don't Die by Shinedown

6. cause you said ours were the lighthouse towers

chapter title is from Gracious by Ben Howard

Comments on you're in the wind, i'm in the water

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I couldn't wait to read this chapter once I got the notification you'd posted it. I've read most of the stories you've written recently, and I really appreciate the way you've been writing hurt and trauma. It feels realistic, doesn't sugar coat anything, doesn't fall into the trap of too much positivity, isn't falsely hopeful, and nor does it dwell too heavily on despair. The despair is certainly there, and I feel in my bones how much Fingolfin would like to give up, but its perfectly balanced with a gentle hope. Will things get better? Will the world eventually stop unsinging itself? Who knows? But I feel the warmth of the sibling relationships that are growing and I know he's going to find a way to keep going.

This is a beautiful, complex characterisation of Fëanor. You've evoked so much empathy for him. He is still flame, sharp edges and arrogance, but it is also wonderful to see him striving so hard to be caring, in his own way. I love the way you show this dual nature of hurting people out of your own hurt, but also trying so hard to care and help (even if ill equipped to do so). I hate seeing people write him off as evil. You've instead given him what feels like a genuine opportunity to redeem himself, and grow beyond his pain. :) 

Thank you so much ohmygod this is the nicest comment - I’m so happy that it’s coming across so well and that you’re enjoying it so much! 

I do think that at his core Fëanor is a good person. I just think the circumstances were against him, against everyone, and so ofc he never really got a chance to grow. And I just, if humans can grow and change in our tiny little lifespans then it’s entirely unrealistic to think that these elves with their infinite lifespans can’t grow and change!

But yes, thank you so much for the comment 💛💛💛