Some Good Must Come by Flora-lass  

Where have you gone?  I can see you, but I don't know where you are.

Your lifeblood drains away, and you no longer see or hear me. I move you aside, and stem the flow as best I can, and wrap you in someone's discarded cloak. And then I carry you - I don't know how far - but we find somewhere quiet and cool, and we sit together by a wall and wait. Maedhros or Maglor will find us, and they'll know what to do. 

But I don't want to be here, if you are not. Ever since the ships, when I tried to leave and nearly died, I've never wanted to be apart from you again. You've always been the strong one since then, but now you're so still and there's no light in your eyes. I can't stop looking at your face, and I don't ever want to let go of you…but it isn't really you…

***

At last, I sense we're no longer alone, and then I hear voices - but it isn't our brothers. They sound very young, and they're trying to be quiet but not quite managing it. One of them is crying.

‘Sshhh, they'll hear you! We need to - ' the other one says, but breaks off with a gasp.

I look away from you for a moment, and see two small, dark-haired figures, holding hands and staring at us. 

I'm certain they'll run away, but I have to try. ‘Wait, please,’ I croak. And they do, apparently frozen to the spot.

It's so hard to talk, and I say the only thing that seems to matter.

‘Are you - twins?’

‘Yes,’ the one who isn't crying says, without hesitation. And then continues, bravely, ‘Are you?’

I can only nod.

‘Is he - are you - hurt?’

I swallow, and wonder how to answer. I'm not very good at talking to children - we didn't get much practice, being the youngest. I don't think I should say that this pain in my heart is almost unbearable.

‘He was. But I don't think he's hurting now. I'm just - sad. We won't hurt you.’

The one who's crying tugs at his brother's hand. ‘We have to hide!’ he urges.

I force myself to think, and speak again. ‘You're safe here.’ 

I hope it's true. Surely we can't have fallen so low as to harm the children, and the grieving, and the...dead? And if we have, then it's even more reason to follow you, wherever you've gone. I want no more of kinslaying.

‘Come and sit with us,’ I say. ‘Twins should stick together. Our brothers will be here soon, and they'll help you.’ And Maedhros won't allow another set of twins to be lost.

They hesitate, both looking so scared. But then they look at each other, and reach agreement without words, just as we often do. They creep forward, still holding hands - but then they separate and one comes to sit on either side of us. I wasn't expecting that. 

I put my arm round the one who's crying, and I think he's glad of it, because he gradually stops. I can't do the same for the other, because I'm holding you - but he gets as close as he can, and lays a hand on my arm, and even tries to help me hold you. I hope you never have to lose your twin, little one.

What have we come to? This is no place for children. But it is where we are, and you might only be asleep, and we will not harm them. On this day of horrors, it is all we can offer.

I should call for help, find out who will be searching for them, get them away and cared for. But I've no strength to shout now, or to get up; and anyway, I can't leave you.

They must be exhausted because, even here, the one who was crying seems to have fallen asleep. The other one isn't far off - and there's a warmth in his touch that makes me want to sleep as well, makes me believe that when I wake, you'll be there again. And wherever we are, the Oath will be gone, and we'll somehow be able to find our way home. And our mother, who we left behind even though she begged us to stay, will be waiting for us…

These poor little twins must have a mother who's frantic with worry - but maybe she's dead, and their father too. And all because of us. I haven't even asked their names…but now they're both sleeping, and I don't want to disturb them. I let my eyes close for a while, too. 

***

And then there's a stifled cry of ‘Ambarussa!’ I'd know that voice anywhere; and a second later Maglor is here, looking so distraught that I search for some comfort to offer him.

But I know I don't have much time. ‘We found some more twins,’ I whisper, urgently. ‘Or, they found us. Promise you'll take care of them and keep them safe? Some good must come from all this. Please…’

Maglor is trying so hard not to cry. ‘I promise,’ he chokes, and then says it again more clearly so I'm sure he means it. He kisses both our foreheads, and the little twins begin to stir.

I'm nearly out of words, but I have to reassure them. ‘This is our big brother. Go with him now, and he'll look after you.’ And then, because I realise Maglor must appear more frightening to them than he does to me, ‘He'll be kind, I promise.’

The Sons of Fëanor do not make promises lightly.

The one with the warm hand bursts into tears, and who can blame him? But the other one is calmer now, and rushes to give his brother a hug. He fixes his gaze on Maglor, as if he's wondering what to believe. 

I can sense Maglor's heart melting as he watches them, and I know he's remembering the songs he sang to us when we were young. And then he gently leads them away, and I hear him asking if they're hungry. At least one says yes.

It's getting dark now, and you feel heavier than you did. Maglor exchanges quiet words with someone as he goes, but I can't see who it is - until he looms up in front of us and I know it's Maedhros. He drops to his knees and takes my hand.

I can't say anything, but I want him to know how sorry I am, that I don't want to leave them, but I just can't be without you. I try to look into his eyes, and squeeze his fingers, and I think he understands. He kisses our foreheads as Maglor did, and then he says: ‘Will you let me take him? It won't be for long, and he'll be right here.’

I'm so tired, but I manage a nod. There's no one alive I trust more, and I let you go. Maedhros holds you for a minute, and then he carefully lays you down next to me. Now I'm the one being held, and he's stroking my hair.

‘I know you need to go,’ he says, through his tears. ‘Rest now, and find him. And I'll help Maglor look after your twins.’

Wait for me! I'm coming…

I smile, and sigh, and follow you. 

Chapter End Notes

Thank you so much to Veilder for encouraging me with this.

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