The Ship of Light by Dawn Felagund

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Fanwork Notes

This story was written for Talullah Red, for the 2016 Yule Fic Exchange on Many Paths to Tread. Tal asked for: "Elwing and Eärendil's first Yule in Sirion. I'd like something light and dark, please. Given the circumstances they would be traumatized, but the people around them would be making efforts for them and the other children. If you're one of the Nimloth-survives type, it's fine by me."

Fanwork Information

Summary:

Elwing is a troubled child, acting out to avoid facing the trauma of her past. During the survivors' first Yule at Sirion, mariners from Balar bring gifts to the refugees, and inspired by their benevolence, Elwing and Eärendil remake an old tradition into a new symbol of hope. For Talullah Red.

Major Characters: Elwing, Eärendil, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s)

Major Relationships:

Artwork Type: No artwork type listed

Genre: Drama, General

Challenges: Gift of a Story

Rating: Teens

Warnings: Mature Themes
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 6, 301
Posted on 1 January 2017 Updated on 1 January 2017

This fanwork is complete.

Table of Contents

The Ship of Light

Comments

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So nice to see a fic from you!

i found this fascinating--I like her POV and I especially loved the headmaster and teachers remarks about Elwing. 

I think a lot of the time I find it easy to forget she was quite young at the sack of Doriath and young when she married Earendil as well. It's easy to get caught up in the eternal question of why oh why did she just not give up the Silmaril? this was a very intriguing insight into this girl who has been so traumatized by what she witnessed. I love her interaction with Earendil and that they seem to be kindred spirits--he too lived through a slaughter, losing so many he loved but fortunately not his parents (yet).

i hope this continues--I am curious to see this story progress. 

Indeed, when I was doing my research for this story, I was surprised to find that she and Earendil were eight years old when they went to Sirion, according to the Tale of Years in HoMe 11. I know they were young but HOW young is easy to forget. I'm in the camp of people who was always very willing to blame Elwing and Earendil for their mistakes, but their youth and the trauma they endured certainly complicates their story. I have a more complex understanding of them now. I can see why she'd be loathe to give up the Silmaril, especially to her people's killers (and I tried to hint in this story about her fascination with objects that provide light; I almost included the Silmaril in here, but the story was already 1,000 words over what was allowed, so I curbed my desire to write a sprawling story this time! :)

Thanks so much for reading and commenting! (P.S.--I STILL have "What Is Lost" open on this computer for when I need a reward for doing something! I promise I will get to it sooner rather than later.)

I've often thought about how the Elves coped with trauma since they very often lacked ANY experience with it. (Those who started at Cuivienen, presumably, knew something of it, and those who stayed in Middle-earth and didn't go to Valinor.) But generally the Elves are champs at building walls around themselves and just not dealing with the outside world and the trauma it brings. I think the Edain would have been much better at it (and not surprisingly, Idril and Tuor seem to be making less a mess of Earendil than Tawarloth--well intentioned as she is--is making of Elwing.)

I know from experience that dealing with kids who have survived trauma is hard enough, and I imagine an entire traumatized people, dealing with some of these things for the first time? Would be all thumbs.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! :)

I read your meta about Elwing and your change of heart about her, of course--and I'm so glad to see you follow that up with a story--and a story like this!

It shows how well you understand traumatized children--even if hopefully none you have encountered in real life had experienced anything quite as bad as the sack of Menegroth hidden in a cupboard. Even Elwing's removal from Ossiriand to Doriath was an uprooting--the kind of massive disconnect that is represented by her life in Sirion, no wonder she flails, trying to process it.

I really like how you empathize with her POV and contrast it with the teacher's notes.

The end is so hopeful--despite being rated officially as more misbehaviour.

The prompt was really a match made in heaven for me. I picked it up as a very early pinch-hit because it appealed immediately ... it's not often that people ask explicitly for "dark" in a Yule story! :D I sat on it for a long time and then decided I just needed to write Elwing with the respect and honor that I've always had for my students who have survived trauma: their complexity, ability to drive you crazy, inevitability that they will capture your heart. I'm glad it seems to have worked and that she seems believable! ^_^

None of my students have survived the slaughter of their people hiding in a cupboard but I taught quite a few students who witnessed violence--including homicide--at a young age. And of course they were exposed to it constantly as young men living in a city like Baltimore.

The teacher's notes ... I was among the staff who refused to read student files before meeting the kid. The disconnect between an accounting of a person's worst deeds, all in one place, and the human being that I saw in my class--flawed, yes, but ultimately wanting the same love and safety that anyone wants--was too much, and I worried it would bias me.

I love to imagine them sailing their stolen ship of light past the orphans' home and the orphans running out on the beach to see it. And all of the adults have reactions of something like WTF. :D

Thank you for reading and commenting, Himring--so insightfully as always!

I enjoyed this a lot! (Well, I always tend to enjoy your stories, but I guess it still bears saying it!) Elwing is so very believable - not even necessary as a trauma survivor, but generally as a bright child that doesn't quite fit in, although the horrible events in her past can't have helped! - to me as a reader, while I can also understand Tawarloth and Master Certhechil very well. They're not wilfully cruel or ignorant, they just honestly don't understand! Which is sort of nice to see as well. (I don't know whether I'm making myself very clear here. I guess my point is that it's good to have antagonists who aren't villains?)

Unsurprisingly, I loved the details you used to flesh out the setting - the description of the drab, nameless settlement, the contrast to the better-of mariners of Balar, the idea that there would be an orphanage, the Yuletide customs. And of course, seeing these two glorified characters as unruly kids was fun, in spite of the darkness surrounding them. And having them sail on a ship of light both added a ray of hope, and a nice bit of foreshadowing... :D

You're perfectly clear to me! :D That's exactly what I was hoping for with the Certhechil and Tawarloth. Elwing sees them as antagonists, but I was hoping that most readers would question whether that was entirely accurate. Neither character is malicious; both want what is best for Elwing (and the other children), but you are right: They are stumbling in the dark, as well as trying to cope with their own trauma. In my own mind, I thought as a turning point the moment when Tawarloth snaps at Elwing, "You're not the only one grieving." Having worked with kids who experienced trauma, one of the most difficult things is that you don't stop being human when you do that work, and sometimes the human being comes through no matter how you try to rise above it.

This being a Yule story (and since Tal specifically asked for "dark AND light" :D) I couldn't succumb to my usual moroseness. :D I thought to do more with the Silmaril but just ran out of words; the story is 1000+ words too long already. But in retrospect, I like the subtler symbolism.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, as always! :) 

This goes oceans beyond any Meta one could write about developing a humane way of looking at Elwing's story. It's gorgeous--far and away the best story (except for a couple by Keiliss) that gives some possible place from which to arrive at an empathetic and sympathetic view of Elwing.

It is a story like this that makes me say that if one really wants to influence  readers' responses to difficult characterizations and problematic story lines like this one--write fiction not criticism. Ain't we lucky in fandom to be able to do that? In academia, we are stuck with the other, which usually ends up at its best being just so much preaching to the choir or wrangling with those who disagree--at its worst and most partisan it's a nightmare. (Mine has always been: what a misogynist, Holy shit, Tolkien doesn't understand women. So, Elwing's canon story horribly misfired for me. And really, really hurt and even insulted me on many levels.)

You were able to soften the constrictions in my chest that I feel every time I think about Tolkien's version with this beautiful, layered version of her story. I love the story of yours. I fell madly in love with this version of Elwing. I liked how she relates to the world, I felt her pain, understand her trauma, and I adored her POV. It's also a wonderful introduction to how she and Earendil would have come be drawn to one another. It's heartbreaking but very human and warm. Explains a lot about things I love about Elrond and Elros. From Tolkien's version, I had to give them Maglor and Maedhros to make them likable adults. (Which is, as you know, not really Tolkien's story.) Here I am doing what I hate to read when other people do it.

Honestly, I just came here to say that this is one of my favorites of your stories now.

Wow, that's an amazingly generous comment! Thank you so much.

I could not agree more re: stories and criticism. You know I've had my own personal demons where the Elwing story is concerned, different from yours but there nonetheless. "Partisan" is exactly it: The myriad interpretations of Elwing's story, more than almost any other, seem to inspire such conflicting and conflict-generating interpretations that it really seems impossible at times for people to talk with rather than past each other.

When I wrote this story, I couldn't write it as "a story about Elwing." I had to write it as "a story about a traumatized child using the canon on Elwing for characterization." And you know I have plenty of experience with that latter type of child (even if not girls!) I'm glad it seems to have worked, for most people anyway ... at least, no one has complained about it to my face yet. ;) It let me circumvent feeling like I had to offer commentary on all the thorny issues Elwing presents.

Thank you again, so very much, for such a kind comment.

I absolutely adored the view of a child for this, even more so for being Elwing. As it often occurs to me, the fics I love the most are those that make me think differently about characters I hold some grudge against. Needless to say, this was the case. I particularly loved all the details of Elwing's lack of regard about her own environment - at least until she meets Eärendil and has some light sparkled back into her life, pretty much as she sparkled magic into dull stones. She never questioned her own aggressive attitudes, and the incapacity of empathy for her aunt's suffering - even if she doesn't consciously associates they grieve for the same things. I felt so sorry for that aunt lol.

The description of the environment is superbly vivid. There are so many passages I could mention that's just not enough room in a comment box lol The tone of the kids' conversation was so perfectly balanced - I could tell Elwing was a bit older than Eärendil. Also... this reminds me so much of the imagery of Europe and America during the early XXth century (the dresses and the rigid educational system), which was really, really interesting! All in all, this is a true lesson in storytelling and I couldn't help myself but blabber about it :)

Sooooooo my last review for book club, about the fic my craven teacher self would never have written o/ I admire that you write such painful subjects, characters being in pain in such a realistic way. As you said yourself, these kind of disabilities are not pretty or cute or sexy, and it is rare to read them portrayed so accuratly.

I liked that you also gave compassion to the adults. It is often too easy to paint them only as failure and bad, when they have to deal with their own trauma. As someone who does not want children, I think that like the aunt I would feel like the situation is very unfair. She struck me as someone who really want to do good, but is too overwhelmed with the situation and lacking all the keys that would allow her to make things truly better.

The world of the Havens as described here is a very bleak one. Not only do the elves live in a poverty that seems very "off" for elves, but they also live knowing death may be coming for them, from Morgoth OR from fellow elves. This bleak setting certainly does not make it easy for Elwing to picture any futur at all. It fits a lot that all those children seem to look at the ships with a lot of enthusiasm. Those ships are not only impressive, they also are one of the last picture of freedom and hope they can get.

I really liked the way you managed to show the Havens are a multicultural place. Elwing inherited cultural traits from the Laiquendi and Doriath, there are family homeschooled with an oral approach to things. And then of course, the background Noldor being there.

I really wanted this to be realistic, based on my experiences working with kids with emotional disabilities/trauma and their families. I adore these kids and have often felt a whiplash in how I view them (as complicated people who have been through a lot and are struggling through as best they can but ultimately as deserving of love as anyone) and outsiders see them (as dangerous, scary, evil, bad, to be locked away and unworthy/undeserving of love). I wrote about one particular experience with this in the essay "We Are Feanor": http://themidhavens.net/heretic_loremaster/2015/03/we-are-feanor/

Same with the families. I am also child-free by choice not because I don't like kids--obviously, given my work, I enjoy being with kids a lot--but because I know I'd make a terrible parent. The aunt could be me! I am generous with my time to the point of selfishness, i.e., I do things and get involved in projects because I love it--my husband calls me Hermione Knope for a reason!--and I would not be willing to give that up for a child. And that would be terribly unfair for that child. Growing up, I often felt like my parents didn't have much interest in "kid things," and I see how that impacted me. It hurt, I still enter into social relationships under the assumption that I will be rejected, and I would not want to do that to a child. Of course, some of this story is also based on seeing how parents--themselves with disabilities and trauma often in their past--struggle so hard to do right for their kids but can't/don't and how harshly they are judged by others who often can't begin to comprehend their struggles. I am not so pie-eyed to believe the line I was told as a new teacher that "there are no bad parents." No, there definitely are. But most really are trying, and I wanted to reflect that--and the complexities of what they themselves are dealing with--rather than continuing to pile onto a group that, in the U.S. anyway, is overwhelmingly poor, poorly educated, and struggling with mental health concerns.

In book club, there were multiple discussions of how we, in writing Silmfic, bring out the "why" from the "what" that Tolkien gave us, and psychology has always played that role for me, and I wanted to use that here to show why Elwing and Earendil made the decisions they did.

Thank you for reading and commenting and for discussing my story at the book club! ^_^ It means an extra lot coming from another teacher who "gets it"! :D