B2MEM 2019 Double Drabbles by eris_of_imladris

I20

Summary: Maedhros tries to visualize his way through a battlefield shortly after his return to fighting. Prompts: grape jelly, “he was very willing that the chief peril of assault should fall upon himself,” overcoming my past. TW: Blood, Gore

No one would accuse him of weakness.

He would never let them see what he thinks when the enemy advances. Even when they flee before his face, he wonders how he does not flee from theirs.

It is worst when the skirmish begins. There is a slash on an arm and a bright bloom of blood, and his mind clouds.

When it ends, he finds the soldier. One of his men, his to protect, but bleeding all the same. The blood has ceased to flow except for a small trickle as someone binds it with linen. It has cooled on his skin, formed a pattern like a knife spread it, like -

No. Stop. He cannot let them see him weak.

He thinks of another knife. Another spread. Happier.

His mother is there when his eyes shut. The dark smear of color is on bread on a ceramic plate. The sweet jelly is so fresh in his memory that he can taste it. He memorizes it before he opens his eyes.

He looks down at the soldier again. The linens cover the wound.

He can still see it. But it’s not at the front, and he can carry on being brave.