Yacht Rock Silmarillion by Dawn Felagund  

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Fanwork Notes

I hope this playlist will take you on a journey through the early ages of Arda if the trumpet blares were replaced by burning cool sax solos and the swans of Valinor plied the waves with pontoon boats and the Two Trees twined two mingled shades of neon. I was born in 1981, and my parents listened almost exclusively to "adult contemporary" music—yacht rock, composed in the '70s and early '80s, and lacking a driving beat but possessing in unusual number of songs about boats. This music takes me back to going not by swanship to the Blessed Land but the family Dodge Caravan to the local mall. And hey, The Silmarillion has lots of boats too, and that tiny overlap in the yacht rock-Silmarillion Venn diagram was the inspiration for this playlist.

I've been working on this playlist for years in the form of notes and mental notes, and the Epic '80s challenge gave me the nudge to finally put it together to be posted. Mr. Felagund and I listen to entirely too much yacht rock, so trust I will continue to add to it as new songs nudge my brain like, "If you twist me this way and hold me upside down then I could actually be about Ungoliant's boyfriend."

Fanwork Information

Summary:

Have you ever wondered what would happen if the characters in The Silmarillion were smoooooth like they were sippin' a Sex on the Beach on a party barge in the harbor at Alqualondë? The "Yacht Rock Silmarillion" retells The Silmarillion as though the characters all had perms and had one too many buttons open, revealing too much chest hair, but hey, no one is killing anyone! This playlist follows the events of The Silmarillion through yacht rock songs.

Major Characters:

Major Relationships:

Genre: Music (Rock)

Challenges: Epic 80s

Rating: Teens

Warnings: Expletive Language, Mature Themes, Sexual Content (Mild)
Posted on Updated on

This fanwork is a work in progress.

Manwë and Varda's New Digs

Up Where We Belong by Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes

Love lift us up where we belong / Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high

After the disaster that was Almaren and Melkor breaking the Lamps like he was in a Dennis the Menace comic in the Sunday paper, Manwë and Varda set up new digs up where the clear winds blow and they can look out at Halley's Comet right from their sunken living room any time they draw back their vertical blinds. Check your answering machine for an invitation to their upcoming Home Interiors party featuring eagle-patterned wallpaper border and dried floral wreaths made by Vána.

(Image is the catalog cover of the 1980 catalog for Home Interiors and Gifts. I'm pretty sure my mom had those metal leaves and possibly the wall sconces too.)

The Quendi Awaken

Give Me the Night by George Benson

Whenever dark has fallen / You know the spirit of the party starts to come alive / Until the day is dawning

For a small group of people who randomly appeared in the hinterlands of Middle-earth, the Quendi sure attract a lot of notice at Cuiviénen. Could it be because there was music in the air and lots of lovin' everywhere?

The Eldar Take a Hike

We May Never Pass This Way (Again) by Seals and Crofts

Like the twilight in the road up ahead / They don't see just where we're goin' / And all the secrets in the universe / Whisper in our ears / And all the years / Will come and go / Take us up, always up

Encouraged to dip from Cuiviénen by curiosity, courage, and love and taking their merry sweet time with lots of stops in rest areas for Little Debbie snacks and Hi-C, the Eldar pass across Middle-earth in what they assume will be their final journey through this land and toward what they hope will be a better life (and snacks. The Valar have Cool Ranch Doritos.)

Melian's Enchanted Love Forest

Make a Little Magic by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

Melian enchants Thingol into spending the night with her magic person in her magic forest. Unfortunately for the rest of the Sindar, night was about 1400 years from ending in Doriath.

A boy could get pneumonia sitting next to you

(Comic Sans wasn't invented until 1994. However, the ambassadors of the Quendi for chosen for some reason, right? For Thingol, it was the he was using Comic Sans before its time to woo the ladies. Later, his aptitude for typography was subject to historical revision.)

Tinfang Warble Interlude

I Believe in Love by Kenny Loggins

Tinfang Warble welcomes the Eldar to Valinor! There's no goodly moon yet but he turns the stars bright and blue! Like the neon sign outside your favorite video rental store with the adult section behind the cowboy doors in the back!

I believe in love! I do! inside a heart with arrow on pink background

The Jewelsmith Who Loved Me

Nobody Does It Better by Carly Simon

The Silmarils tell Fëanor exactly what he wants to hear. (They're intoxicating for a reason!)

The way that you hold me whenever you hold me / There's some kind of magic inside you … / How'd you learn to do the things you do? with 8-bit Triforce sprite

(8-bit Triforce sprite by SnowyPuzzle. A shameless nod to the original NES Legend of Zelda, which is what I was playing when I was not being carted about in my parents' Dodge Caravan listening to Carly Simon ... and "playing" included putting on my bathroom and swatting at my sister, also in her bathrobe, with spent wrapping paper rolls while we played "Zelda and Link." Possibly my first fandom!)

Melkor and Ungoliant Get Grody

Steal Away by Robbie Dupree

Why don't we steal away / Into the night? / (I know it ain't right)

Ungoliant caught Melkor glancing her way and now they're linked as a dark duo of sorcery and thievery as they turn out the lights in Valinor.

Nan Dungortheb Love Song

She's Always a Woman by Billy Joel

All those Nan Dungortheb spiderlings came from somewhere, so what of the man-spider-turned-pizza-roll who romanced Ungoliant and aided in the spawning of Shelob? This is his story.

She'll take what you give her as long as it's free / Yeah, she steals like a thief / But she's always a woman to me / Oh, she takes care of herself

The song mysteriously ended there in its original form, but thank goodness Billy Joel finished it for us.

Maeglin's Skeezy Song Notebook

Imaginary Lover by Atlanta Rhythm Section

Imaginary lover / You're mine / All the time

Idril was not interested in a romantic relationship with her cousin and his rock collection but, in the secret depths of his notebooks, between the boring notes on mining and chemistry, a boy can indulge his wildest skeeviest dreams.

Aegnor [Doesn't] Love Andreth

I'm Not in Love by 10cc

Oh, you'll wait a long time for me

"Do candles pity moths?" Aegnor would not wed Andreth because of … war. Fer sure. War. And tradition and rules and love doesn't comprehend law but … Aegnor barters in anguish to convince himself that his choice to dump Andreth is no big whoop.

Big boys don't cry

The Ballad of Lúthien (and Beren, I Guess)

Magic by Olivia Newton-John

Lúthien gets shit done. Beren tags along.

And if all your hopes survive / Destiny will arrive

Daeron's Legacy

Leader of the Band by Dan Fogelberg

A quiet man of music / Denied a simpler fate

A musician of mysterious fate, Daeron's legacy lives on in the ages of music to follow. Including yacht rock! I think he must be especially proud of that one.

Túrin Turambar's Hot Sax

Baker Street by Gerry Rafferty

Túrin just wants a quiet, happy life, but fate drives him forward to make mistakes, dream about the future, make more mistakes, and play sizzlin' hot sax in memory of Beleg.

And then he'll settle down, in some quiet little town / And forget about everything / But you know he'll always keep movin' / You know he's never gonna stop movin'And then he'll settle down, in some quiet little town / And forget about everything / But you know he'll always keep movin' / You know he's never gonna stop movin'

Elwing the Single Mom

Brandy by Looking Glass

Elwing pins her hopes on jewelry and a guy who's never around.

What a good wife you would be / But my life, my love, and my lady is the sea, with a seashell border

The Noldor and Valar Take a Chill Pill

Hard to Say I'm Sorry by Chicago

The War of Wrath has passed, and the Noldor and the Valar have a lot to say to each other about past mistakes and regrets. Big time.

After all that we've been through / I will make it up to you / I promise to

First Age Outro

Cool Change by Little River Band

It's time for a cool change, so Maglor sings us out of the First Age, his foster son Elros over the cool and bright clear water to Númenor, and himself into some time spent alone.

If there's one thing in my life that's missing / It's the time that I spend alone … / Staring at the full moon like a lover

The Departure of Ar-Pharazôn

Ride Captain Ride by Blues Image

"We're callin' everyone to ride along to another shore / We can laugh our lives away and be free once more"

The King's Men see off their king and hero on his certainly-not-doomed quest to Valinor, a world others' might have missed, right? Right?? That's why no one has gone yet?

But no one heard them callin', no one came at all / Cause they were too busy watchin' those old raindrops fall / As a storm was blowin' out on the peaceful sea

Go West, Dumbass Man

Sailing by Christopher Cross

Sailing takes Ar-Pharazôn and his followers away to where they've always heard it could be. With a dream and a wind to carry them, soon they will be free … won't they? Ar-Pharazôn saw something about that in a tabloid read while waiting to buy Hot Pockets and Budweiser at 7-11.

Well it's not far down to paradise / At least it's not for me