To Erase Him by ExileInValariandë  

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A Darkening in Valinor

This chapter contains depictions of violence/non-con SA 

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(The beginning)

The night had been lovely. Fëanor and his sons had hosted a gathering at their home in Tirion - a lavish dinner thrown in honor of Maedhros and his newly betrothed, Nendalin. For a rare moment Fëanor had been pulled from his crafting of the Silmarils. There was abundant food and song, a bit of banter and bickering. But mostly celebration. Despite the laughter and merriment however, the hour grew late. Fëanor’s mind drifted back to work yet undone in his forge, and away from his family. He pulled Maedhros aside to request his help. The eldest son of Fëanor was often given the most responsibilities. Nendalin was wanted back home, still living with her own family. She smiled sweetly at her future mother in law Nerdanel, giving thanks for the hospitality of the house of Fëanor, and bid her goodbyes. Maedhros held his beloved close in his strong arms on the balcony outside, her long light brown hair shining in the light of the two Trees.

“Father requests my assistance on his project, else I would gladly see you home safely.” he whispered into her hair, golden lashes covering his blue eyes as he looked down. She smiled.

“I shall find my way safely enough… besides, I have nothing to fear here in Tirion.” She glanced up at him, her own grey eyes full of love.

“… perhaps I simply wanted an excuse to continue our time together this evening…” Maedhros smirked knowingly down at her from his great height.

He was beautiful. Tall and strong, the fair image of his father with the long wavy deep red locks of his mother Nerdanel. His eyes were serious with a sweetness behind them.

“We shall have many evenings, my love.” Nendalin assured him.

She had loved him from the moment they met, many years prior. But their love was taken to a new height this evening, bound now in an oath of promise to be wed. Promise to spend eternity at one another’s side. So innocent were those days of the Trees, that it seemed no ill would ever come to them or their kin. How little they knew. Reluctantly, they parted ways that evening. Nendalin strode peacefully under the evening light of the trees, a song in her heart. She dreamed of bearing Maedhros children, she dreamed of their future in Valinor. The air was sweet and crisp, late summer passing into autumn. The wind caught her dark blue velvet cloak, as she quickly pulled it around herself.

“Wait!” She was startled suddenly by a familiar voice calling out to her with quickened steps behind her. Curufin.

Curufin was Maedhros’ younger brother- the spitting image and manner of their father Fëanor- the good and the bad. Nendalin swallowed hard, as a warning crept into her heart. She knew all of the sons of Feanor very well, but she was most uneasy around Curufin. He stole looks in her direction and made comments designed to wound Maedhros in her presence. She always felt he held some ill will or design. He seemed to have a darkness cloaked around his heart and being. Simply put, she did not trust him.

“You walk alone?” Curufin asked, feigning innocence. The night wind blew his long black hair about his face and blazing grey eyes. Nendalin’s heart beat fast in her chest, but she didn’t let her fear betray her outwardly.

“I do….I am but a short distance from my home, I fear not the night.” she smiled a forced smile, attempting to walk on.

“Ah, but perhaps there is some wisdom in fear. For we know not all that creeps in the night… even in Valinor, my lady.”

With this she swallowed hard, feeling his ill intent. She began to walk further down the path.

“I really must get ho-“ Nendalin began, but was cut off by Curufin’s rough hands pulling her into the wood.

It all happened so fast. It happened as a blur and a dream. A nightmare unfolding on the very hallowed grounds of the Valar. To Nendalin, it unfolded in bursts; her memory attempting to protect her from the horror. There in the dark seclusion of the woods outside Tirion, Curufin son of Feanor, took his brother’s betrothed in body with a vicious assault. It was fast and angry, and full of his malice built up over years of jealousy. Jealousy that his older brother held that which he coveted. Nendalin. Her hand and cheek scraped against the tree as he overpowered her from behind, whispering his poison in her ear. She cried, in fear of her life and in helplessness. She tried to fight him, but his strength was too much. So Nendalin, though fierce of spirit and heart, endured this horror. Within moments it was over, but it felt like a lifetime. He threw her to the ground, striding off with a sense of revenge quenched. Revenge he felt he was entitled to, as his brother had won the woman he had secretly loved.

And Nendalin was alone.

She cried hot tears, the forest ground a blur beneath her. Her body shook in shock, as she took stock of her torn dress and pained body. Blood dripped from her cheek. She feared she would never be found- but within minutes she was not alone. Heavy, quickened steps approached and her heart stopped, fearing it was Curufin. She felt sick.

“My love!” Maedhros called out, searching the thick trees in the near dark. His black cloak was wrapped about him, the night wind picking up and blowing it around.

Nendalin could not answer. She felt she was dreaming, her spirit having left the present as an act of self preservation. But he found her. He found her in pieces on the ground, covered in dirt, her hair a mess. In Maedhros’ heart horror overcame him. And fierce anger. He had run from the house, seeking to return a trinket she had left behind at dinner. When she was not on the path, his heart knew something was amiss. He had no idea the horrible truth of just what. His jaw tensed, as he crouched over her and gathered her form into his lap.

“You are hurt, Nendalin…you- who has done this wrong to you?” His sweet concern turned to darkness in his eyes. She could not meet his eyes. She shook with tears, burying her face in his strong chest. Her wrapped her in his black cloak, kissing her head tenderly. His light eyes burned with rage.

“I do not know why he has done this.” Nendalin sobbed, finally meeting his gaze.

In mere moments all of her world was shattered. All of her hopes and dreams, all of her sense of self. Taken by force.

“Who has done this?” Maedhros spoke plainly, his blue gaze burning a hole in hers.

“Curufin.” Nendalin broke, breaking into a sob again.

Maedhros could not believe the words. They came in slow motion, as the realization hit him. And he knew with a deep pain in his heart that his brother had betrayed him in a way which was unspeakable. He had taken the innocence of the elleth he loved. His face felt hot, and a fire raged within him, as he picked Nendalin up and began carrying her down the path and out of the wood. He stared blankly ahead, a man possessed.

“I did not know he followed me, a’maelamin (my beloved)!” Nendalin cried, fearing Maedhros' anger might be toward her.

“My anger is not at you, melamin” Maedhros snapped, finally meeting her gaze as he cradled and carried her in his arms. His strong brow was furrowed.

Within minutes they were returned to the house of Fëanor, much to the dismay of Nendalin. But Maedhros avoided the front entrance, instead turning on the path toward his own abode. You see, at this time the sons of Fëanor all lived within the grounds of the central home, the older sons with separate chambers. Relief washed over Nendalin, yet she still feared where Curufin might be.

“You are safe now, melamin… please lay down…” Maedhros mummered, placing her gently upon his velvet bed, lost in his own swirling thoughts.

He looked distant and shocked. He paced the floor, beginning to brew tea for his love, clearly unaccustomed to having to prepare things himself. He fumbled a bit, pouring the steaming water in a clay mug. Nendalin watched him in silence, as he pulled a warm blanket about her and finally sat beside her on the bed.

“Are you alright?” he half whispered, finally meeting her gaze. His voice was broken, guilt and anger consuming him. He pushed a strand of light brown hair from her face.

“I’m frightened Maedhros…. I feel… ashamed.” she swallowed, unable to meet his gaze.

“You have nought to feel ashamed of!” Maedhros replied swiftly, tempering his own anguish. “It is my brother who should carry this and he will pay dearly, Nendalin. I promise you.” he held her hand firmly, his eyes solid with determination.

“What are you going to do?” Nendalin asked him with concern in her grey eyes. They were still red from crying, her fair cheeks bitten by the night wind.

“I do not know yet - I will send for mother to stay by your side…. Curufin must be found and answer for this wrong.” Maedhros stared at the floor, his face stern and set. His jaw was tight.

“Please do not leave me alone here.” Nendalin pleaded, fear suddenly overcoming her again.

He did not. Instead of his mother, Maedhros sent for the guard of the family, those who also worked to protect the city of Tirion. A few of the guard were also healers and elleths themselves, able to tend to Nendalin. Maedhros was an ellon possessed. He gathered his younger brothers and father and together they searched the surrounding wood. Fëanor was filled with fierce anger at his son Curufin, whether or not he held him as favorite. To take a woman’s virtue in such a way was unspeakable. Such dark things did not take place in the land of Valinor.

Many hours passed until Fëanor and his son Celegorm found Curufin far from the family home. Curufin was taken swiftly back with them and whisked away from the reach of his oldest brother Maedhros. Fëanor’s heart had softened at Curufin’s explanation, bending his opinion on the incident. Curufin's tongue was of silver, (as his father's), and adept in the art of persuasion. Fëanor did not risk harm to Curufin by allowing Maedhros to confront him that night.

Outside the house of Fëanor, hushed but angry whispers clashed. Maedhros confronted his father, realizing his brother had been found. He demanded to see him.

“…. this foul misdeed shall go unpunished then?” Maedhros fumed, his eyes narrowing in disbelief at his father. His hands shook with rage at his sides.

“Curufin is young… his mistake was unfortunate and hateful but- I daresay he shall face the judgement of Mandos when the time comes.” Fëanor retorted.

“Mistake?! You defend him, then. Father, this was no mistake.. this deed was that of evil…-“Maedhros’ voice rose steadily, his eyes wild with a rare fury.

“Enough!” Fëanor boomed, his eyes dark and voice carrying through the night air. “Hear me now, Nelyafinwë. I will not put my son before the judgement of the Valar for this! We will speak of this no more. He shall stay far from Nendalin and she remain safe. I shall speak with him further and be this the end of it!” He finished angrily, his own fiery temper taking over.

"You expect that I shall just accept this? That I shall just carry on as if nothing has happened? It is my duty to protect her! And you would have me neglect it so that you might protect him." Maedhros fumed, shaking his head in disbelief. 

"It is your duty to trust your atar." Fëanor spoke with a simmering warning in his grey eyes.

Maedhros was furious. And in disbelief. But he knew not to push his father further- out of both fear and respect. His face was hot, heart pounding in his chest as he watched his father storm inside. The air was still and quiet. Maedhros’ mind was suddenly back to Nendalin, striding quickly back to his own abode nearby where she rested.

While he had been out on the search for Curufin with his father and brothers, the maidens of the guard had helped Nendalin to a hot bath and the comforts of their council and company. She had not been alone to bear this terrible experience. But still, Maedhros held guilt for having left her side at all, as he watched her sleep now by candlelight. The guards he granted leave, as he undressed to his nightclothes and made a bed for himself on a chair nearby. He listened to her steady sleeping breath, settling himself for sleep. There was room beside her in his bed but he didn’t risk startling her or making her feel violated any further. Though he loved her deeply and they were betrothed, he now worried that even his presence beside her in bed would cause her unrest. Maedhros watched her for a moment in the candlelight, deciding to at least speak words of protection over her- that she might know them even in her deep sleep.

“Nin nahtie, melme.” (you are safe, my love) he whispered affectionately into the air to where she lay a few feet away.

“Maedhros?” She whispered suddenly and hoarsely, lifting her head. He rose at once.

“I am here …” he knelt beside the bed, meeting her tired gaze.

Her grey eyes were worry worn and red from crying. Maedhros stroked her cheek softly, her hand holding his close to her cheek.

“Will you lay beside me? I shall feel much safer with you at my side tonight” she insisted, her voice broken and soft. He nodded.

She breathed him in, as he climbed in the large bed beside her. Maedhros smelled of pine and woodsmoke. It was a comfort to her. He pulled the soft and heavy velvet blanket over them, gathering Nendalin close to him.

“What happened, Maedhros? Did you find him?” Nendalin whispered hesitantly.

She knew not if Curufin had fled far or had been brought to justice by his father and brothers.

“We did…. He will be kept far from you, melme. For now, let us rest” Maedhros whispered into her hair.

He hadn’t the heart to tell her that no justice had come to Curufin. That his father had decided against any harsh punishment and that he himself felt helpless and betrayed by his father in the matter. He felt he had failed in protecting her, and knew not how to proceed now. They could not simply avoid his brother, but he could not let this lie.