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Preferred Name: Azh
Preferred Pronouns: they or he
Member since .
About Me
I am an avid reader and writer of queer fantasy and a long-time Tolkien nerd who recently got into the Silmarillion. Now I seem to be writing an inordinate amount of fanfiction for it, featuring an awful lot of Maglor and Sauron, because I only like trash fires. Expect lots of explorations of gender and the occasional treatise on entropy or the philosophy of science (I sunlight as a physicist.)
Mertiya (AdmirableMonster) on AO3 and my personal website, admirablemonster on Discord (usually).
Fanworks by AdmirableMonster
Faithful Beauty by AdmirableMonster
Nerdanel and Tinweriel stargaze together and have a lovely little evening.
| Major Characters: Nerdanel, Unnamed Canon Character(s) |
| Major Relationships: Nerdanel/Unnamed Canon Character |
| Genres: Femslash, Romance | Challenges: |
| Rating: Adult | Warnings: Check Notes for Warnings, Sexual Content (Graphic) |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 1, 531 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
And when the rain came down by AdmirableMonster
for the prompt "i'll be the man my father never was" for any trans son of feanor
| Major Characters: Caranthir, Haleth |
| Major Relationships: Caranthir/Haleth |
| Genres: Drama | Challenges: |
| Rating: General | Warnings: |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 371 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
i have passed my days by the sound of your name by AdmirableMonster
Years after the death of her wife, Hemmoril shares a sweet Yule evening with an Easterling Woman.
| Major Characters: Original Female Character(s) |
| Major Relationships: Original Character/Original Character |
| Genres: Erotica, Femslash | Challenges: |
| Rating: Adult | Warnings: Sexual Content (Graphic) |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 1, 999 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
In the Dragon's Wake by AdmirableMonster
The Gap falls. Hemmoril and Maglor try to cope, with varying success.
| Major Characters: Original Female Character(s), Maglor |
| Major Relationships: Maglor & Original Character, Original Character/Original Character |
| Genres: Drama | Challenges: |
| Rating: Teens | Warnings: Character Death, Violence (Moderate) |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 733 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
i'll be waiting here until the stars fall out of the sky by AdmirableMonster
Hemmoril, Maglor's best friend and horsemaster, says a quick goodbye to her wife as the Dagor Bragollach looms.
| Major Characters: Original Female Character(s) |
| Major Relationships: Original Character/Original Character |
| Genres: Drama, Erotica, Femslash | Challenges: |
| Rating: Adult | Warnings: Character Death, Sexual Content (Graphic) |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 1, 580 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
Between myself and the powers of darkness by AdmirableMonster
Hemmoril, Maglor's master of horses, has struck up a tenuous friendship with a new ex-thrall in Himring. He invites her to come to the tea gardens where he works to taste a new blend based on some flowers she harvested for him.
| Major Characters: Original Female Character(s), Sauron |
| Major Relationships: Original Character/Original Character, Sauron & Original Character |
| Genres: Alternate Universe, Hurt/Comfort | Challenges: Gates of Summer |
| Rating: General | Warnings: Check Notes for Warnings |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 1, 334 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
Interview with Azh, Admirable Monster by Shadow by AdmirableMonster, daughterofshadows
As a physicist themself, Azh confronts the issues around the ethical use of science in both the professional and creative realms. Shadow spoke with Azh about their story "Lightborn," written to accompany Cindy Gates' Mereth Aderthad 2025 presentation “Tolkien, Lunatic Physicists, and Abnegation,” its real-life inspirations, and the importance of fallibility in Tolkien's world.
| Major Characters: |
| Major Relationships: |
| Genres: | Challenges: |
| Rating: | Warnings: |
| Posted on | Updated on |
The Children of Angband by AdmirableMonster
This is a history that has never been told. Those whom it concerns most deeply are dead now, even those who chose or otherwise received the lifespans of Elves. It is a story that has been kept hidden for more than six thousand years. Now, I believe it is past time it should be revealed.
| Major Characters: Pengolodh, Gil-galad |
| Major Relationships: Gil-galad & Pengolodh |
| Genres: In-Universe Artifact | Challenges: |
| Rating: Teens | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 2, 252 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
April Fancies by AdmirableMonster
A series of short responses to instadrabbling prompts on Sat, Apr 5, 2025.
| Major Characters: Pengolodh, Original Nonbinary Character(s), Original Character(s), Ossë, Erestor, Húrin, Morwen |
| Major Relationships: Pengolodh/Original Character, Unnamed Canon Character/Original Character, Erestor/Pengolodh, Húrin/Morwen, Ossë & Original Character |
| Genres: Ficlet | Challenges: Birthday Bash |
| Rating: Creator Chooses Not to Rate | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
| Chapters: 5 | Word Count: 1, 351 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is a work in progress. |
Lacuna by AdmirableMonster
In the wake of his ravishing by Morgoth, Mairon, who was Arien, falls.
| Major Characters: Sauron, Arien |
| Major Relationships: Melkor/Sauron |
| Genres: Alternate Universe, Experimental | Challenges: Dark Matter |
| Rating: Adult | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 465 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
What lips my lips have kissed, and why by AdmirableMonster
The king's natural philosophers are an elite group of men of science in Armenelos. When one of them is discovered to be (apparently) a woman in disguise, he is expelled from their ranks. Unfortunately, his youth and beauty draw the interest of the king, and there is no one with the power to protect him, not even the High Priest himself, although to the philosopher's surprise, Tar-Mairon tries...
A possible origin story for the Mouth of Sauron.
| Major Characters: Mouth of Sauron, Original Male Character(s), Sauron, Ar-Pharazôn |
| Major Relationships: Sauron/Original Character, Ar-Pharazon/Sauron, Mouth of Sauron/Sauron |
| Genres: Drama | Challenges: |
| Rating: Adult | Warnings: Domestic and Partner Violence, Expletive Language, In-Universe Intolerance, In-Universe Queerphobia/LGBTQIA+ Intolerance, In-Universe Sexism/Misogyny, Mature Themes, Rape/Nonconsensual Sex, Sexual Content (Graphic), Violence (Graphic) |
| Chapters: 2 | Word Count: 6, 705 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
In Defense of Celebrimbor by AdmirableMonster
An essay on the subject of Celebrimbor, sin, and pity.
| Major Characters: Celebrimbor |
| Major Relationships: |
| Genres: Nonfiction/Meta | Challenges: |
| Rating: General | Warnings: |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 1, 854 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
Signs of Healing by AdmirableMonster
Pengolodh chances upon a young human girl who has been brought to Rivendell for healing. He soon discovers they have more in common than he expected.
| Major Characters: Pengolodh, Original Female Character(s) |
| Major Relationships: Pengolodh & Original Character |
| Genres: Hurt/Comfort | Challenges: |
| Rating: General | Warnings: In-Universe Intolerance |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 2, 488 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
It is not a word by AdmirableMonster
In the wake of the fall of Eregion in the Second Age, the loremaster Pengolodh comes to the newly-founded refuge of Rivendell. Although Elrond has never seen eye to eye with the reserved loremaster, can they work through the pain of their pasts and come to a common understanding?
| Major Characters: Elrond, Pengolodh, Glorfindel |
| Major Relationships: Elrond & Pengolodh, Glorfindel & Pengolodh |
| Genres: Hurt/Comfort | Challenges: Jubilee, Words of Wit and Wisdom |
| Rating: Teens | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 3, 890 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
Havens by AdmirableMonster
The Exiles of Gondolin come to Sirion. The residents of Sirion welcome them, and friendship blossoms between the last remaining loremaster of Gondolin and a young poet of Sirion.
| Major Characters: Dírhavel, Pengolodh |
| Major Relationships: Dírhavel + Pengolodh |
| Genres: | Challenges: Potluck Bingo |
| Rating: General | Warnings: |
| Chapters: 9 | Word Count: 4, 037 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
Shapes in the Mist by AdmirableMonster
A young Orc on a spirit quest walks through the memories of her people.
| Major Characters: Original Female Character(s) |
| Major Relationships: Original Character & Original Character |
| Genres: Drama | Challenges: Orctober |
| Rating: Teens | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
| Chapters: 2 | Word Count: 979 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is a work in progress. |
Far is the high gods' song and low by AdmirableMonster
As Númenor convulses in its death throws, Tar-Míriel converses with a friendly soul before she climbs the Meneltarma to her fate.
| Major Characters: Tar-Míriel, Original Character(s) |
| Major Relationships: Tar-Míriel & Original Character |
| Genres: | Challenges: Kings & Queens |
| Rating: Adult | Warnings: Check Notes for Warnings |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 2, 185 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
Reflections by AdmirableMonster
A story of three friends in Númenor, one of whom attracts the attention of the High Priest. What does friendship mean in the shadow of the Black Temple?
| Major Characters: Unnamed Canon Character(s), Original Character(s) |
| Major Relationships: Unnamed Canon Character & Original Character |
| Genres: Science Fiction | Challenges: Bollywood |
| Rating: Teens | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 3, 802 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
I called it Fate that I should fail by AdmirableMonster
Nimruzimir, a natural philosopher recently out of his apprenticeship, hardly considers himself very important to anyone, least of all his colleagues. When his strange, prophetic fits bring him to the attention of the High Priest, however, he may find that his existence is less superfluous than he had originally thought.
| Major Characters: Original Character(s), Unnamed Canon Character(s), Sauron |
| Major Relationships: Unnamed Canon Character/Original Character, Unnamed Canon Character & Original Character, Sauron & Unnamed Canon Character |
| Genres: Hurt/Comfort, Science Fiction | Challenges: |
| Rating: Adult | Warnings: Expletive Language, In-Universe Intolerance, Mature Themes, Torture |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 10, 225 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
Those whom Doom will not release by AdmirableMonster
As the refugees regroup in the first aftermath of the Fall of Gondolin, one loremaster survives and tries to understand.
| Major Characters: Pengolodh, Salgant |
| Major Relationships: Pengolodh & Salgant |
| Genres: Drama | Challenges: |
| Rating: Teens | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
| Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 1, 974 |
| Posted on | Updated on |
| This fanwork is complete. |
AdmirableMonster's Gallery
A moth, attempting escape, perhaps out of the artist's studio.
Major Characters: No major characters listedMajor Relationships: No major relationships listed
Challenge: No challenge listed
Rating: General
Warnings: No warnings listed | | |
Annatar in Mandos, as described by Fingon in Chthonion's masterful Harrowing series
Major Characters: SauronMajor Relationships: No major relationships listed
Challenge: No challenge listed
Rating: General
Warnings: No warnings listed | | |
Cover page for my Steampunk Númenor series, The Light and the Sea. Nimruzimir gazes out at Númenor from Andúnië.
Major Characters: Unnamed Canon Character(s)Major Relationships: No major relationships listed
Challenge: No challenge listed
Rating: General
Warnings: No warnings listed | | |