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The face of a humanoid wearing a head kerchief

Preferred Name: Azh

Preferred Pronouns: they or he

Member since .

About Me

I am an avid reader and writer of queer fantasy and a long-time Tolkien nerd who recently got into the Silmarillion.  Now I seem to be writing an inordinate amount of fanfiction for it, featuring an awful lot of Maglor and Sauron, because I only like trash fires.  Expect lots of explorations of gender and the occasional treatise on entropy or the philosophy of science (I sunlight as a physicist.)

Mertiya (AdmirableMonster) on AO3 and my personal website, admirablemonster on Discord (usually).  


Fanworks by AdmirableMonster

This is a Writing fanworkFaithful Beauty by AdmirableMonster

Nerdanel and Tinweriel stargaze together and have a lovely little evening.

Major Characters: Nerdanel, Unnamed Canon Character(s)
Major Relationships: Nerdanel/Unnamed Canon Character
Genres: Femslash, Romance Challenges:
Rating: Adult Warnings: Check Notes for Warnings, Sexual Content (Graphic)
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1, 531
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkAnd when the rain came down by AdmirableMonster

for the prompt "i'll be the man my father never was" for any trans son of feanor

Major Characters: Caranthir, Haleth
Major Relationships: Caranthir/Haleth
Genres: Drama Challenges:
Rating: General Warnings:
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 371
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworki have passed my days by the sound of your name by AdmirableMonster

Years after the death of her wife, Hemmoril shares a sweet Yule evening with an Easterling Woman.

Major Characters: Original Female Character(s)
Major Relationships: Original Character/Original Character
Genres: Erotica, Femslash Challenges:
Rating: Adult Warnings: Sexual Content (Graphic)
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1, 999
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkIn the Dragon's Wake by AdmirableMonster

The Gap falls. Hemmoril and Maglor try to cope, with varying success.

Major Characters: Original Female Character(s), Maglor
Major Relationships: Maglor & Original Character, Original Character/Original Character
Genres: Drama Challenges:
Rating: Teens Warnings: Character Death, Violence (Moderate)
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 733
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworki'll be waiting here until the stars fall out of the sky by AdmirableMonster

Hemmoril, Maglor's best friend and horsemaster, says a quick goodbye to her wife as the Dagor Bragollach looms.

Major Characters: Original Female Character(s)
Major Relationships: Original Character/Original Character
Genres: Drama, Erotica, Femslash Challenges:
Rating: Adult Warnings: Character Death, Sexual Content (Graphic)
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1, 580
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkBetween myself and the powers of darkness by AdmirableMonster

Hemmoril, Maglor's master of horses, has struck up a tenuous friendship with a new ex-thrall in Himring.  He invites her to come to the tea gardens where he works to taste a new blend based on some flowers she harvested for him.  

Major Characters: Original Female Character(s), Sauron
Major Relationships: Original Character/Original Character, Sauron & Original Character
Genres: Alternate Universe, Hurt/Comfort Challenges: Gates of Summer
Rating: General Warnings: Check Notes for Warnings
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1, 334
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Reference fanworkInterview with Azh, Admirable Monster by Shadow by AdmirableMonster, daughterofshadows

As a physicist themself, Azh confronts the issues around the ethical use of science in both the professional and creative realms. Shadow spoke with Azh about their story "Lightborn," written to accompany Cindy Gates' Mereth Aderthad 2025 presentation “Tolkien, Lunatic Physicists, and Abnegation,” its real-life inspirations, and the importance of fallibility in Tolkien's world.

Major Characters:
Major Relationships:
Genres: Challenges:
Rating: Warnings:
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This is a Writing fanworkThe Children of Angband by AdmirableMonster

This is a history that has never been told. Those whom it concerns most deeply are dead now, even those who chose or otherwise received the lifespans of Elves. It is a story that has been kept hidden for more than six thousand years. Now, I believe it is past time it should be revealed.

Major Characters: Pengolodh, Gil-galad
Major Relationships: Gil-galad & Pengolodh
Genres: In-Universe Artifact Challenges:
Rating: Teens Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 2, 252
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkApril Fancies by AdmirableMonster

A series of short responses to instadrabbling prompts on Sat, Apr 5, 2025.

Major Characters: Pengolodh, Original Nonbinary Character(s), Original Character(s), Ossë, Erestor, Húrin, Morwen
Major Relationships: Pengolodh/Original Character, Unnamed Canon Character/Original Character, Erestor/Pengolodh, Húrin/Morwen, Ossë & Original Character
Genres: Ficlet Challenges: Birthday Bash
Rating: Creator Chooses Not to Rate Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn
Chapters: 5 Word Count: 1, 351
Posted on Updated on
This fanwork is a work in progress.
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This is a Writing fanworkLacuna by AdmirableMonster

In the wake of his ravishing by Morgoth, Mairon, who was Arien, falls.

Major Characters: Sauron, Arien
Major Relationships: Melkor/Sauron
Genres: Alternate Universe, Experimental Challenges: Dark Matter
Rating: Adult Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 465
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkWhat lips my lips have kissed, and why by AdmirableMonster

The king's natural philosophers are an elite group of men of science in Armenelos. When one of them is discovered to be (apparently) a woman in disguise, he is expelled from their ranks. Unfortunately, his youth and beauty draw the interest of the king, and there is no one with the power to protect him, not even the High Priest himself, although to the philosopher's surprise, Tar-Mairon tries...

A possible origin story for the Mouth of Sauron.

Major Characters: Mouth of Sauron, Original Male Character(s), Sauron, Ar-Pharazôn
Major Relationships: Sauron/Original Character, Ar-Pharazon/Sauron, Mouth of Sauron/Sauron
Genres: Drama Challenges:
Rating: Adult Warnings: Domestic and Partner Violence, Expletive Language, In-Universe Intolerance, In-Universe Queerphobia/LGBTQIA+ Intolerance, In-Universe Sexism/Misogyny, Mature Themes, Rape/Nonconsensual Sex, Sexual Content (Graphic), Violence (Graphic)
Chapters: 2 Word Count: 6, 705
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkIn Defense of Celebrimbor by AdmirableMonster

An essay on the subject of Celebrimbor, sin, and pity.

Major Characters: Celebrimbor
Major Relationships:
Genres: Nonfiction/Meta Challenges:
Rating: General Warnings:
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1, 854
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkSigns of Healing by AdmirableMonster

Pengolodh chances upon a young human girl who has been brought to Rivendell for healing. He soon discovers they have more in common than he expected.

Major Characters: Pengolodh, Original Female Character(s)
Major Relationships: Pengolodh & Original Character
Genres: Hurt/Comfort Challenges:
Rating: General Warnings: In-Universe Intolerance
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 2, 488
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkIt is not a word by AdmirableMonster

In the wake of the fall of Eregion in the Second Age, the loremaster Pengolodh comes to the newly-founded refuge of Rivendell. Although Elrond has never seen eye to eye with the reserved loremaster, can they work through the pain of their pasts and come to a common understanding?

Major Characters: Elrond, Pengolodh, Glorfindel
Major Relationships: Elrond & Pengolodh, Glorfindel & Pengolodh
Genres: Hurt/Comfort Challenges: Jubilee, Words of Wit and Wisdom
Rating: Teens Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 3, 890
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This is a Writing fanworkHavens by AdmirableMonster

The Exiles of Gondolin come to Sirion.  The residents of Sirion welcome them, and friendship blossoms between the last remaining loremaster of Gondolin and a young poet of Sirion.

Major Characters: Dírhavel, Pengolodh
Major Relationships: Dírhavel + Pengolodh
Genres: Challenges: Potluck Bingo
Rating: General Warnings:
Chapters: 9 Word Count: 4, 037
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkShapes in the Mist by AdmirableMonster

A young Orc on a spirit quest walks through the memories of her people.

Major Characters: Original Female Character(s)
Major Relationships: Original Character & Original Character
Genres: Drama Challenges: Orctober
Rating: Teens Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn
Chapters: 2 Word Count: 979
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This is a Writing fanworkFar is the high gods' song and low by AdmirableMonster

As Númenor convulses in its death throws, Tar-Míriel converses with a friendly soul before she climbs the Meneltarma to her fate.

Major Characters: Tar-Míriel, Original Character(s)
Major Relationships: Tar-Míriel & Original Character
Genres: Challenges: Kings & Queens
Rating: Adult Warnings: Check Notes for Warnings
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 2, 185
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkReflections by AdmirableMonster

A story of three friends in Númenor, one of whom attracts the attention of the High Priest.  What does friendship mean in the shadow of the Black Temple?

Major Characters: Unnamed Canon Character(s), Original Character(s)
Major Relationships: Unnamed Canon Character & Original Character
Genres: Science Fiction Challenges: Bollywood
Rating: Teens Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 3, 802
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkI called it Fate that I should fail by AdmirableMonster

Nimruzimir, a natural philosopher recently out of his apprenticeship, hardly considers himself very important to anyone, least of all his colleagues.  When his strange, prophetic fits bring him to the attention of the High Priest, however, he may find that his existence is less superfluous than he had originally thought. 

 

Major Characters: Original Character(s), Unnamed Canon Character(s), Sauron
Major Relationships: Unnamed Canon Character/Original Character, Unnamed Canon Character & Original Character, Sauron & Unnamed Canon Character
Genres: Hurt/Comfort, Science Fiction Challenges:
Rating: Adult Warnings: Expletive Language, In-Universe Intolerance, Mature Themes, Torture
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 10, 225
Posted on Updated on
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This is a Writing fanworkThose whom Doom will not release by AdmirableMonster

As the refugees regroup in the first aftermath of the Fall of Gondolin, one loremaster survives and tries to understand.

Major Characters: Pengolodh, Salgant
Major Relationships: Pengolodh & Salgant
Genres: Drama Challenges:
Rating: Teens Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1, 974
Posted on Updated on
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AdmirableMonster's Gallery

A moth, attempting escape, perhaps out of the artist's studio.

Major Characters: No major characters listed
Major Relationships: No major relationships listed
Challenge: No challenge listed
Rating: General
Warnings: No warnings listed

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Annatar in Mandos, as described by Fingon in Chthonion's masterful Harrowing series

Major Characters: Sauron
Major Relationships: No major relationships listed
Challenge: No challenge listed
Rating: General
Warnings: No warnings listed

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Cover page for my Steampunk Númenor series, The Light and the Sea.  Nimruzimir gazes out at Númenor from Andúnië.

Major Characters: Unnamed Canon Character(s)
Major Relationships: No major relationships listed
Challenge: No challenge listed
Rating: General
Warnings: No warnings listed

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