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The face of a humanoid wearing a head kerchief

Preferred Name: Azh

Preferred Pronouns: they or he

Member since .

About Me

I am an avid reader and writer of queer fantasy and a long-time Tolkien nerd who recently got into the Silmarillion.  Now I seem to be writing an inordinate amount of fanfiction for it, featuring an awful lot of Maglor and Sauron, because I only like trash fires.  Expect lots of explorations of gender and the occasional treatise on entropy or the philosophy of science (I sunlight as a physicist.)

Mertiya (AdmirableMonster) on AO3 and my personal website, admirablemonster on Discord (usually).  


Fanworks by AdmirableMonster

This is a Writing fanworkQuilt of Growth by AdmirableMonster

Little snapshots of different worlds, for the restoration and rebuilding challenge.  Written during Instadrabbling in August 2022.

Major Characters: Original Character(s), Celebrimbor, Halbarad, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, Maedhros, Maglor, Sauron
Major Relationships:
Genres: Ficlet Challenges: Restoration and Rebuilding
Rating: General Warnings:
Chapters: 4 Word Count: 472
Posted on Updated on
This fanwork is a work in progress.
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This is a Writing fanworkA System of Messages by AdmirableMonster

A wandering storyteller meets with a group of cowboys and tells his family's history around a fire; the mysterious Center (of the system of messages, perhaps) features prominently.

For the "Western" prompt of the Also Appearing challenge with a slight admixture of something akin to "uranium mine" or perhaps "pyramids"

Major Characters: Halbarad, Maglor
Major Relationships: Maglor/Halbarad
Genres: Alternate Universe Challenges: Also Appearing
Rating: Creator Chooses Not to Rate Warnings: Check Notes for Warnings
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1, 824
Posted on Updated on
This fanwork is a work in progress.
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This is a Writing fanworkAt the Eleventh Hour by AdmirableMonster

After a fall, Elros goes into labor too early.  An unexpected visitor provides succour.

Major Characters: Unnamed Female Canon Character(s), Elros, Maglor
Major Relationships: Elros & Maglor
Genres: Drama, Family Challenges:
Rating: Adult Warnings: Violence (Moderate)
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1, 879
Posted on Updated on
This fanwork is complete.
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This is a Writing fanworkOnce Upon A Time And Long Ago by AdmirableMonster

When the twins' fathers finally leave them to go after the Silmarils, Elros and Elrond decide they don't deserve to be orphaned a second time. In the midst of a great storm, though, strange magics are unleashed, and they wake up five hundred years earlier in an unsullied paradise. But dark things are stirring in Valinor, and the twins are told to tread lightly, lest they unweave their very existence.

Can they find a way to save their fathers and return to their own time, or will it all play out the same way and end in fire?

Major Characters: Original Female Character(s), Elrond, Elros, Fëanor, Fingon, Finrod Felagund, Finwë, Maedhros, Maglor
Major Relationships: Elrond & Elros & Maedhros & Maglor, Fingon/Maedhros, Finrod/Maglor
Genres: Alternate Universe, Family, Hurt/Comfort Challenges:
Rating: Teens Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn
Chapters: 2 Word Count: 6, 811
Posted on Updated on
This fanwork is a work in progress.
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This is a Writing fanworkA Deed Justly Renowned by AdmirableMonster

Through snow, through ice, through ash and flame...I will always come for you, Russandol.

Fingon rescues Maedhros from Thangorodrim. It is no easy feat, for he battles not only the creatures and the hostile land, but also himself.

Major Characters: Fingon, Maedhros
Major Relationships: Fingon/Maedhros
Genres: Drama, Slash Challenges:
Rating: Teens Warnings: Mature Themes, Violence (Moderate)
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 6, 654
Posted on Updated on
This fanwork is complete.
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This is a Writing fanworkThe Mystery of the Vanishing Elf by AdmirableMonster

An essay on the subject of where the hell Beleg Cúthalion gets to in the second half of The Children of Húrin.  He may be dead, but why is even his memory conspicuously absent?

Major Characters: Beleg, Finduilas, Glaurung, Nienor, Túrin
Major Relationships:
Genres: Nonfiction/Meta Challenges:
Rating: Teens Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 2, 575
Posted on Updated on
This fanwork is complete.
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Co-Created Fanworks

This is a Artwork fanworkThe Way That She Died - Afterlife by Jonathan Gee, AdmirableMonster

An illustration of what happens not long after the final scene of AdmirableMonster's The Way That She Died

Major Characters:
Major Relationships:
Genres: Challenges:
General Warnings:
Posted on Updated on
This fanwork is complete.
Table of Contents and Single Chapters | Show All Chapters
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This is a Artwork fanworkThe Way That She Died - End of Life by Jonathan Gee, AdmirableMonster

The opening scene from AdmirableMonster's story The Way That She Died, illustrated

Major Characters:
Major Relationships:
Genres: Challenges:
Teens Warnings: Violence (Moderate)
Posted on Updated on
This fanwork is complete.
Table of Contents and Single Chapters | Show All Chapters
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AdmirableMonster's Gallery

A moth, attempting escape, perhaps out of the artist's studio.

Major Characters: No major characters listed
Major Relationships: No major relationships listed
Challenge: No challenge listed
Rating: General
Warnings: No warnings listed

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Annatar in Mandos, as described by Fingon in Chthonion's masterful Harrowing series

Major Characters: Sauron
Major Relationships: No major relationships listed
Challenge: No challenge listed
Rating: General
Warnings: No warnings listed

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Cover page for my Steampunk Númenor series, The Light and the Sea.  Nimruzimir gazes out at Númenor from Andúnië.

Major Characters: Unnamed Canon Character(s)
Major Relationships: No major relationships listed
Challenge: No challenge listed
Rating: General
Warnings: No warnings listed

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Stamp Collection 2026

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